I live each day through a haze. I don't think i am depressed i am just fed up with life. I tried anti-depressants, therapy -the lot.Tablets make me like a zombie -no feelings,no emotions. I tried therapy- its just made me sad and angry.How can i not be sad if my mother has no feelings towards me. There was never any warmth or kindness.The only tears i see from her are at the airport when i am leaving but to me they are the tears of relief. When i was a kid my father used to drink a lot and he would shout at my mother, call her names.I used to stick up for her, sometimes it would get quite physical me and my dad hitting each other. But after the fight my parents would reconcile and they would say that i have got such a difficult character!? I was young then and i believed them. Its only then i went to therapy i could actually see that my mother used me like a shield and my feelings were never her concern.I am 36 now, I got married at 24 to a man i did not love or liked.I just wanted to get away from a family home. I thought i can build my own life but i am struggling. I got hurt so many times i don't feel anything any more. I got rid of all so-called friends who used me to make themselves feel better. I limited the contact with my parents,I still talk to them but i keep it brief. I cannot take from them another story of someone's daughter doing this and that and earning so much. I tried to talk to them, especially my mother so many times and tell her how i feel. She listens but says nothing. What more can i do? If my own mother don't care who will?