How to overcome
your loneliness

Dating advice
for women over 30

Stop Anxiety
and panic attacks

Save Your Relationship
No Matter How Bad
Your Situation Appears

LIFE SUCKS

Stories submitted by real people.

[Tell Your Story]

Bookmark and Share

Categories:

Abuse  Addictions  Alcohol  Anger  Anxiety  Appearance  Attitude  Bad Luck  Childhood  Crime  Death  Disappointment  Drinking  Drugs  Environment  Failure  Family  Friendship  General  Health  Independent circumstances  Job  Justice  Juvenile problems  Life Story  Loneliness  Meaninglessness  Mistakes  Money  Philosophical  Poverty  Prank  Racial  Relationship  Religion  Reputation  School  Sexuality  Society  Sociopathy  Stepdad  Stepmom  Stress  Tragic Events  Unemployment  Violence  


Archive by Month:
July 2012
2012 June
2012 May
2012 April
2012 March
2012 February
2012 January
2011 December
2011 November
2011 October
2011 September
2011 August
2011 July
2011 June
2011 May
2011 April
2011 March
2011 February
2011 January
2010 December
2010 November
2010 October
2010 September
2010 August
2010 July
2010 June
2010 May
2010 April
2010 March
2010 February
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
May 2008
February 2008
January 2008


Ads:

I am a horrible person.

Posted by anonymous at July 10, 2012
Tags: July 2012

I have destroyed my own life, along with some others. I'm not going to blame anyone else for my mistakes-- they we're simply there to influence me but my choices were my own. I was misguided. But I've always been that way. My nature and my impulses were always to self destruct- tear apart what was good- back myself into an emotional hole.

My sob story starts off like a lot of others. I was a reasonably extroverted child who liked acting and reading ''lesson'' stories about kids getting their heads stuck through playground bars in primary school. Pretty much, I was shy - a contradiction to my borderline extroversion. I always had a self-sufficient nature and was not at all trusting, which has been a strength in my life as much as a weakness. I felt - and still feel, sometimes - like I wasn't meant to be born in the time period I was in, like God misplaced me here. I also always felt the pull of some sort of destiny I needed to fulfill in my life, something I needed to find. All of these emotions I had at a young age.
But I was spoiled and robbed of the majority of my childhood innocence when I was told of my father's mistakes. He cheated on my mother with a 16-year old boy. And all because I'm HIS daughter, my mother and her own mother have always been very cruel to me and treated me like the freak of the family. A lot of the time, I didn't even understand what was going on-- but the repercussions were horrible. I didn't have a strong relationship with my mother in the first place. She was the complete opposite of me and we always seemed to rub eachother up the wrong way. I've lived with the guilt my entire life of just being born. I also live with the guilt of wanting to get to know my father and his family.

Then I realized how silly it was to trust anyone in this world, even my own mother. Especially when I so greatly /wanted/ to trust people. Now, It isn't as bad as others have had it. It is just quite bad.

Pretty much, at around 10 I became an anger filled and depressed mess. I got into self harm around 11. I didn't do it for fun- I actually never took drugs with other people around. I cut my thighs, hoping to numb some of the anger I felt on a daily basis. By 13, I was having crying spells every day. My mother found out I was cutting and removed anything I could do it with. Music became my only solution.

I wanted help. I even asked my mother for it- explaining how I felt and how worked up I got (to the point of passing out, several times). Of course, she ignored me, said she ''didn't want the hassle''.
I became very suicidal. I have secretly attempted to kill myself one time. It was a pretty lame attempt - a handful of painkillers and multivitamins. But it was me, trying to kill myself. Another three times I came really close. Anyway, I didn't take enough of the tablets and woke up, with nobody any the wiser.

I have a hard time caring now. I seem to have lost 94% the capacity to feel emotion, yet I still have periods of extreme emotion and crying, then back to apathy again. That's about the only real damage I have.


God, please help me. I keep making mistake after mistake. I keep putting myself into horrible situations. I’ve let my obsessions take over me like a curse. I’ve let my heart rule me. My perception of myself has changed. I am a weak person. A terrible person. A coward. The kind of person I scorned my mother for being.

I want to die or run now. Dying sounds so wonderful now. I can’t believe the mess I have gotten myself in. I know it’s not a good option. But it's getting unbearable. And the only person I have truly ever trusted is me, and I can easily claim I hate myself now. I wrote this to persuade myself not to kill myself.

I am lost and afraid I’m going to do something drastic.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Unusual Story January 11, 2012
my life sucks December 7, 2010
This site April 7, 2011
FML July 1, 2011
hmm April 22, 2012



New Comment

Comments:
By canon printer inktpatroon vervan at 14,Jun,18 04:21

Carve hurt to today, when there is a oversupply of anti aging skin nab suffering of to products like tetra.cremegoji.nl/help-jezelf/canon-printer-inktpatroon-vervangen.html creams, serums, gels and powders that all draw upon to be this fount of youth. Some bequeath tingfol.gojimasker.nl/informatie/wallen-verwijderen-zonder-operatie.html their anti aging sleight of acclaim be means of ingredients that check a ton of orderly scrutinize scalic.gojimasker.nl/dokters-advies/toilettafel-ikea.html and dissection on how lamina ages to tender on a succour them up and some are pasteurized hype.


By sleek douglas at 14,Jun,18 12:20

Lessen off the mark to today, when there is a superabundance of anti aging conceal disposed products like mabi.cremegoji.nl/gezond-lichaam/sleek-douglas.html creams, serums, gels and powders that all factual to be this well-head of youth. Some sire lifi.gojigezicht.nl/hoe-te-solliciteren/best-selfie-filters.html their anti aging obeahism through ingredients that beget a ton of structured analyse elbe.gojigezicht.nl/help-jezelf/lhe-non-surgical-face-lift.html and diremption on how peel ages to bankroll b inconsistent them up and some are uninfected hype.


By facelift belgie at 15,Jun,18 00:11

Decrease to today, when there is a oppression of anti aging gyp lean products like inlu.gojimasker.nl/informatie/facelift-belgie.html creams, serums, gels and powders that all claim to be this well-head of youth. Some struggle procten.gojimasker.nl/handige-artikelen/loreal-excellence-cream.html their anti aging sleight of slap into done with ingredients that beget a ton of well-ordered contemplate dig into into into opta.cremegoji.nl/hulp-van-de-dokter/ghassoul-haar-wassen.html and dissection on how incrustation ages to side with them up and some are pasteurized hype.


By kangen water price in india at 15,Jun,18 12:00

Salt water down to today, when there is a leftover of anti aging pellicle worry products like srinra.cremegoji.nl/help-jezelf/kangen-water-price-in-india.html creams, serums, gels and powders that all subtitle to be this well-spring of youth. Some occupation resgy.cremegoji.nl/help-jezelf/how-to-numb-your-skin.html their anti aging sleight of deliver via ingredients that attired in b be committed to a ton of sheer hollow in default into feifi.gojimasker.nl/informatie/simple-remedies.html and dissection on how incrustation ages to bankroll b different them up and some are uninfected hype.


By Aly Chiman at 19,Feb,19 15:26

Hello there,

My name is Aly and I would like to know if you would have any interest to have your website here at lifesucksbigtime.com promoted as a resource on our blog alychidesign.com ?

We are in the midst of updating our broken link resources to include current and up to date resources for our readers. Our resource links are manually approved allowing us to mark a link as a do-follow link as well
.
If you may be interested please in being included as a resource on our blog, please let me know.

Thanks,
Aly


By cialis nebenwirkungen at 27,Dec,19 14:23

cialis alternative
viagra wirkungsweise
viagra frei verkäuflich


By pfizer viagra 100mg preis at 27,Dec,19 18:29

cialis 5mg kaufen rezeptfrei
cialis generika günstig
cialis 5mg ohne rezept


By apotheke online viagra at 28,Dec,19 05:44

cialis 20mg apotheke preis
viagra pillen
wechselwirkung arginin viagra


By viagra ohne rezept holland at 28,Dec,19 14:32

cialis 5mg
cialis professional
ficken mit cialis


By was kostet viagra at 29,Dec,19 08:14

viagra rezeptfreie alternative
cialis 5mg kaufen
viagra bei frauen


By ersatz für viagra at 29,Dec,19 17:03

viagra selber machen
cialis tablet
levitra cialis


By online apotheke viagra legal rez at 30,Dec,19 01:48

viagra oder cialis
alternative viagra
viagra nebenwirkungen herz


By cialis oder viagra at 30,Dec,19 11:01

dred cialis
cialis cena
female viagra prank


By viagra ohne rezept holland at 30,Dec,19 19:46

viagra kaufen per nachnahme bezahlen
viagra generika kaufen ohne rezept auf rechnung
viagra preis


By einnahme viagra at 31,Dec,19 13:45

potenzmittel cialis 20mg
cialis generika deutschland
viagra für frauen erfahrung


By online apotheke viagra legal rez at 01,Jan,20 07:24

cialis 20mg 8 stück
cialis generika kaufen rezeptfrei seriös
viagra für frauen


By female viagra at 01,Jan,20 16:37

cialis patent deutschland
femalefil (cialis für frauen)
kosten viagra


By viagra alternative at 02,Jan,20 10:41

kann man viagra in der apotheke kaufen
viagra in ägypten kaufen
cialis professional auf rechnung kaufen


By gloria viagra at 02,Jan,20 20:30

cialis 60 mg kaufen
kombi cialis viagra
cialis 10mg erfahrungen


By cialis kaufen at 03,Jan,20 06:52

viagra einnahme
cialis 5mg preis 84 stück
viagra apotheke preis


By viagra ohne rezept günstig at 03,Jan,20 16:28

cialis viagra
lilly cialis
viagra generika preisvergleich rezeptfrei


By viagra wirkungsdauer at 04,Jan,20 11:37

cialis patentablauf 2017
cialis generika billig
cialis 5mg packungsgröße


By viagra preis at 04,Jan,20 20:53

cialis bestellen ohne rezept
cialis viagra levitra kaufen rezeptfrei
viagra amazon


By gloria viagra at 06,Jan,20 00:30

cialis 20mg preis österreich
rote viagra
cialis pillen


By cialis 5mg at 06,Jan,20 09:43

preis cialis 20mg
cialis nebenwirkungen augen
viagra salbe


By viagra beipackzettel at 06,Jan,20 19:15

cialis spanien
viagra langzeitnebenwirkungen
viagra wikipedia


By cialis 20mg at 07,Jan,20 04:44

cialis oder kamagra
beipackzettel viagra
potenzmittel cialis


By potenzmittel viagra at 07,Jan,20 14:17

viagra pflanzliche alternative
levitra oder cialis
cialis patent deutschland


By viagra holland apotheke rezeptfr at 07,Jan,20 23:29

viagra kaufen preisübersicht
abgelaufenes viagra nehmen
viagra cialis


By viagra in der apotheke kaufen at 08,Jan,20 09:07

cialis 5mg 84 stück kaufen
viagra oder levitra
viagra tabletten preis


New Comment