i am completely fucked up. i see almost every situation in a sexual way. sometimes i even feel super awkward around my family cause i think they see me sexually. i feel like everyone sees me sexually and im often right. i am not turned on by loving sex because i dont really believe its true and if it is it couldnt be that hot. i cant relate to anyone. my own boyfriend thinks my sexual desires are too hardcore. i think i must be bisexual because i get really turned on if i see any sort of sexy scene in a movie of another girls body. i dont like to watch movies, especially with friends because when sex scenes come on i am way too aroused and to me the sexual tension is unbearable. and i feel like everyone is secretly really wishing we could all just start having group sex. i cant orgasm with my boyfriend unless i think of really extreme things. i cant look men in the eye because it feels sexual tension to me. but weirdly enough sometimes i dont want to have sex when my boyfriend asks cause i know it wont be dirty enough. and i also just dont get it cause i am sometimes so fucking sick of sexuality. im disappointed that its summer because i usually like to hide my body because i feel like men are always looking if i dont. and i know im not crazy in that way because men always think of sex and i somehow as a teenager just conditioned myself to be hyper alert to men and their sexuality. and ive noticed too many things. i think ive been too good at noticing when men are turned on and what gets them off. were all pretty fucking sick. we all get off on pain and i think everyones secretly into s and m even if theyve repressed it. i am blonde and slim with big boobs, fucking cliched i know. souds weird, but i dont think of myself as a thin blonde with big boobs. blonde doesnt suit who i really am. if nobody knows the "real me" and i dont ever act like "the real me" than i guess it isnt the real me and how i am now is the real me. thats disappointing. lots of ppl think im really pretty. im not trying to brag. its not that great to be pretty. i know that its the combination of being pretty and noticing how perverted other people are that has made me so overly sexual. i guess this all doesnt even "suck" that much compared to other things. im just so confused. on the outside i am so perfect. ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years. ive slept with 2 guys. but in my head its pretty much constantly sex. not in a fun, turned on way. in a creepy gross way. like if someone in my life is pursuing me sexually ill push them away but ill really get off on it even if theyre super gross. i always get off on the idea of sex with gross people. i think who i have made myself into is not actually me but just the person id be into if i were a guy. except i wouldnt be this way on the inside. | |
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But I DO believe in hot loving sex, I just don't get enough of it and I am sexually frustrated like hell because of it.
(thanks for the enlightenment) but when i love somebody I want to give them pleasure. I think selfish people are in it for themselves.
Maybe you have a hard time accepting love and pleasure from love, because maybe you were raised where love was conditioned, or just in other forms??
Regardless, Im not your therapist, just another fucked up individual.
Oh, and I also think the lesbian shit has to do with loving thine own feminine beauty, and not feeling appreciated.
Cause when we see another chick get off, we relate to her pleasure (I think men have difficulties relating to female pleasure)... and that is why things are so fucked up.
But ignore that first post, fucking children is not cool. ruining someones life like that is seriously fucked up and you will put them in a form of hell until the day they die because of your selfishness
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