This story doesnt sound nearly as sad as the other ones here, i think. My heart goes to you all. **WARNING** THIS IS LONG!!!
For as long as i can remember, i've always been a shy and quiet kid. No problem there. Then i went to secondary school(high school). It was a boarding school. Anyway somewhere between my 1st and 2nd years, i developed a quick temper. I got mad at the slightest of things, no matter how irrelivant. I raged at friends, family, you name it. Somehow, both parties could keep up with my shit.
Sometime after that, i realised this temper and decided to keep it in watch. And eventually control it(most of it). As the temper went, so did my confidence. Apparently anger was what i used to communicate with the world. In my third year, i became extremely shy and quiet, only talked and laughed with the friends i had.
I wasnt the cutest boy, infact, i was far from that. And the other kids didnt take long to abuse this 'weakness'. I was called names and constantly reminded how 'ugly' i was. My confidence withered to dust. So did my self esteem.
I became extremely withdrawn. Remember this was a boarding school. One problem after the other right? My life dragged along and depression slowly but surely set in.
In my final two years, I made a few more friends, became a prefect(somehow), tried to mingle. I developed a habit of giving, Most people called it generosity. In my mind, it was somewhat painful. I gave away my things even though i needed them. This habit i developed, i later learned, was just so i could feel good about myself. I gave so i could be given to. A co-dependency thing, for my self-esteem ofcourse.
Also in the closing years, i developed crushes to people, on both sexes. Weird right? Either i was bisexual, or i fell in love with anyone that gave me the slightest hint of kindness or attention. Guess which: The latter. Anyone will tell you that is not the best way to fall in love. It is very VERY heart breaking. Imaging/Remember your most recent heartbreak, now imagine it happening over and over and over. Thats how it is. You fall in love without any prior knowledge or experience with the person, making you become very clingy. Despite this, i made 3 best friends. 2 male, 1 female. The female, i shared most of my emotional weight with, and she did likewise. Once again, i was in love, but this time, i fought it. it wasnt going to go further,
I finished secondary school and moved to a whole new country: UK, to do a-levels. I became nothing. Confined to the Hell and Paradise that is my room. Scared of going outside for fear of being judged, constantly over-thinking things, Eating a lot more and moving a lot less, Pushing all my old friends away and people who seem the slightest bit interested in me, think i have bowel cancer.
Know i am going to die before everyone i know and love(d). And probably go to hell.
This is where i am now. Sadness only gets worse and worse, from somewhat normal, to this. Oh joy. Goodnight.