eversince i was little i have always been let down by people, my dad passed away when i was 2years old and i guess i never got over not remembering him im now 19 years old and i thought i had a best friend and we knew each other for 9 years combined he was always with me and we did almost everything togather i thought i would never lose him until the day i heard his mom screaming i then found out he had committed suicide, its been 2years since his death and i still havent come to terms with it.
as for my other best friend well she has a boyfriend whos a total jerk, i moved away from my hometown after i finished my schooling but i still try to keep in contact with my friend.
i love her alot and i miss her dearly but her bf doesnt want us to be friends cause he thinks that i take up to much of her time we barely communicate any more and im finding it difficult to be happy. Every time i call her she comes up with some excuse not to talk with me.
i have taken up to cutting my hands again, i honestly just cant deal with the stress anymore. i need to get out, get out of this life.
normal people pray to god for a healthy life i on the other hand pray for death i pray that god gives me Cancer or some illness thats a death sentence i feel so depressed lately all i think about is me dieng.
i wish upon stars that god sees my torture and takes me to him i would love to be dead instead of being here on this messed up Earth where all you get is pain and heartache.
i have nobody to talk to cause no1 will understand, i sit here right now and wish i were dead.
i dont know why i have been cutting myself so often but i guess its cause the physical pain is much easier to deal with than the emotional pain.
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take care love
mwahs P
1) YOU DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHEN YOUR FATHER DIED. WHY REGRET IT NOW AFTER SUCH A LONG TIME
2) YOUR FRIEND DID A MISTAKE. DO YOU INTEND TO REPEAT IT. STOP CUTTING YOURSELF. YOU WOULD LAUGH AT THIS 10 YEARS DOWN THE LINE
3) SOCIALIZE: TRY TO MEET WITH NEW PEOPLE. ALWAYS BE CHEERFUL. YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED AT THEIR REACTIONS. YOU WOULD FEEL GOOD/MAKE NEW FRIENDS
4) YOUR OTHER FRIEND DOES NOT WANT TO TALK. WHY DRAG THIS RELATIONSHIP. HAVE A FINAL SAY WITH HER
HOPE YOU READ AND HOPE THIS HELPS. NEVER LOSE HOPE!!
as i said i would have loved to know my father
i just felt that well God always looks past me and never helps me
oh well
thanks for your support
with love
P
just like how it fux up your head why your friend did it. it will fuk with someone in your life that you do not realize they care as much as they really do.
being alone sux i know.but eventually it gets better find a friend that you can give all of yourself to. heres my number and email justkidding@lol.com 777-ILUV no seriously i think you may be the clingy type but if you had a young man it will make the hurt go away.
i know not the best advice but love is a hella of drug.
well i have tried to stop the cutting and it has worked a little
i have thought about my friend and decided if she wants to contact me she has my digits
hop everything is going well with you
lotsa love
P
i need some friends :)
i respect you even though you feel disgusted with yourself.
just remember your soul is pure even though your body is tainted.
i have no friends either but i sometimes love my lonliness.
cause that way no1 can hurt me
please do take care of yourself and remember one thing one day when a man comes along and he loves you for your personality and not you appearence then im sure you will enjoy sex.
just be patient.
with love
P
well i have tried to kill myself but it has been unsuccsesful.
maybe perhaps it is in my fate to be unhappy
thanks for your concern
hope you are well
take care love
lotsa love
P
hope this helps a little. SGT. Walden USMC. and alone in mn.
can i just say one thing i know its cheesy and stuff but just hold on and do it for the sake of your baby girl.
when she grows up she will want a daddy to protect her and love her.
dont rob her of the opportunity to have a fairly stable life.
dont drink you just end up with a lot of physical and emotional problems.
live for her if not for you.
take care
lotsa love
P
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