I'm 33. Parents fought all through my childhood and were alcoholics. I don't remember many sober days with them, especially not with my dad. They never divorced because they were too lazy to, and I'm pretty sure when my dad went to jail for beating the shit out of my mom, my mom went crazy. I heard them fighting from my bed room and I came in to see him destroying her. I have never felt so much pain.
I think I am emotionless now... I have been through so much that nothing affects me, religion didn't work, I have no interests, I am a manager at a crappy store. I am barely making ends meet. I am fat and hideous. I have only had sex once. I look in the mirror and want to punch it in. I have one friend who ignores me a lot because I think I bore him. I see my mom occasionally but I think she has lost her mind and my dad died 2 years ago.
I am very alone. I think I just won't kill myself because I'm too much of a pussy to face the afterlife. There are so many different religions and possible hells I could endure if I killed myself... If I knew for a fact that your mind just stopped after death, I would have been dead a long time ago.
I also drink heavily. I promised myself I would never drink but things just got so bad that I knew anything other than being sober minded was good for me.