My parents were always there for me, but my father had some psychological issues and I think I inherited some. I grew up in a middle class neighborhood, went to a good school, but I never had friends. I think I was sensitive to rejection and it interfered with me socializing with others. I went to college and had trouble keeping relationships with men because I would always worry that they didn't really like me or would cheat on me. I was so scared of being dumped that I would actually cheat on them.
I then went to graduate school and that was a mess because I had trouble relating to people. I had some relationships with men that would always end badly. I ended up quitting school because of psychological issues. I then got married and had a child and was still not happy with myself and went on Zoloft which helped a lot. My husband didn't want to have sex with me so I ended up cheating on him and telling him I wanted a divorce.
We got a divorce and I went back to graduate school for a PhD and while in school I got pregnant (I am 39). Now I am not yet finished school and am pregnant at 39. The father of the baby is ok, but he was unemployed and I have no idea how we are going to survive. I don't finish school until next year and I hope that I can find a job once I graduate. The father has some bipolar issues and I am scared about the future.
I feel I am too old to be in this position. I am in debt, divorced, have a 9 year ols son who I have 50% of the time, pregnant with an unwanted child, with a man who has issues himself. I used to be happy and enjoy being a parent and happy that I went back to school, but no everything seems like shit and I see no way out of the crap. I am afraid I will have no way to support another child and will not be able to finish school and get a job. I have psychological issues which may make it hard for me to support myself and a child.
My life used to be fun...I would date, I would travel and had friends to hang out with and now I feel so lost and depressed. I do not want this child, but I am going to make and effort to raise her and finish school. I think I really messed up my life. I should have stayed with my ex husband and at least I would be financially secure and have a family for my son. My psychological issues messed up my life.