LIFE SUCKS

why do i care so much?

So this is what ive been reduced to; telling my pathetic story online hoping someone can relate or just try and console me.

A year ago i never used to second guess myself or wonder who i was but now thats all i seem to do. I fell like im good person cause i just want the best for everyone even though sometimes people are people. I only have one true friend worth anything and i know thats more than some people but i used to have more, and now that im somewhat broke a bunch of them dont pick up the phone when i call. I dont hang with people my age much anymore and when i do i have nothing to say. I dont feel that i can relate with people anymore.

Ever since grade school ive always felt like an outcast and that ive always been different, and sometimes i think thats a good thing but other times i just wish i could accepted. I look at the rest of the world and think to myself that this cant be whats accepted in society but sadly it is. I havent been with a girl in over two years and its not like i dont try i have and every time they accept my date but then end up having more pressing business. Im an old school kind of guy even though i just turned 20, i like to ask girls to go to dinner and a movie instead of just inviting them to come and get drunk (even though thats what every other tool box does and it seems to work for them.) I used to think that if i got a girl to take care of i would fell better but now i feel that wont even help.

I just want to have a real connection with a human being so i can see that not all humanity is worthless. Im told that i am a sweet soul and that i have a lot going for me but now those just feel like pleasantries, i mean who honestly sits there and tells you your ugly and worthless. I cant and maybe thats one of my problems.

For a guy im not very aggressive ive never been in a fight and i dont rock tha boat, i used to think that was good but now ive got my doubts. No girl wants to be with a sensitive loving man even thought thats all you hear them say. They always go for dominant pack leader which who can blame them.

They tell you if you want good things to stay positive but thats hard when you feel like nothing but negativity happens to you. I know i have a lot of life left and that the possibility's of it changing are pretty good but its hard to stay upbeat sometimes.

May no one else feel the way i do. Thanks for listening