Hi I'm 25 black queer female and here's my shitty life story. My parents divorced when I was 7, I rarely saw my Dad after that. My Mom always treated me harshly and never showed love or compassion for me. She only talks about me negatively and never has anything good to say about me. When I was around age 11, I was molested by one of her guy friends that she said I should have treated as a father. Following this event, she kicked him out of our apartment building and that was his only punishment for his crime. I never really got over it and although I was a happy and bright child, this event made me realize that people can not be trusted.
I started to get depressed around age 15 for no particular reason. I was in a sport team, had lots of friends and even a boyfriend. I would cry all the time and felt unhappy. I started cutting myself shortly after that but stopped when I started smoking pot and drinking at age 16. I graduated from High School and went to College for a year. I had a hard time adjusting to College life and I was still struggling with Depression. I started taking antidepressants and dropped out of college temporarily; I never really managed to go back.
I worked different jobs, at least 2 to 3 different jobs per year, always getting fired because of my lack of punctuality. One day my life at home got so unbearable that I decided to move out. I moved into a shitty apartment that I could afford and life was alright, until I got fired from the decent job I had. I found another job and got hooked playing online games. A lot of my money went into the game and I was avoiding my friends as much as possible. I got fired from my job again and got so depressed that I decided to end my life. I hung myself and was losing consciousness when I decided to live because I couldn't stand the sight of my mom crying over my dead body. I manage to get out of the noose. I moved back to my mom because life by myself wasn't working out, I was always broke and could never afford anything and my mom wanted me back.
I've been living here since then and its getting just as bad as when I left. My mom is on my case everyday, either insulting me or just being negative towards me. I get teased by my younger sister constantly and that plus my mom's harsh words makes it hard for me to bear since I'm still depressed.
I met a girl online and we were just friends at first but we started liking each other. She lives on the East Coast of the USA and I'm in the East Coast of Canada. We started a long distance relationship and it was the best years of my life. We loved each other and talked everyday and managed to meet each other a few times and had a very good time. I was depressed during the relationship so at times I'd get overly emo and treat her harshly. After almost 3 years, she got sick of it and started falling for somebody else, a person that was actually a friend of mine. I felt betrayed. They met up and had sex and since that day, they've been together on and off.
I've been holding down a job for over a year but I have no savings, although I live with my mom and pay no rent. I'm heartbroken and lonely. I have a few friends but I wish I had more. I have no gay friends that can understand me though and I feel cut off from the gay community, its pretty awful. I feel like I'm going to be single for the rest of my life and I'm now regretting not killing myself. I'm alone,I have nobody, I'm unwanted so what's the point really? I'm black, a woman, overweight and gay, that has to be one of the worst combination of things you can be. I honestly hate it and I've been crying every day for the past 2-3 weeks about how much I hate my life right now.