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Devestated

Posted by jr14 at July 9, 2011
Tags: Attitude  2011 July  Loneliness  Meaninglessness

I am 35, live in a 1 bed room apt with my dog. I've had depression all my life and it's getting to the point, i'm not sure if I can keep doing this. I actually really fell for a girl recently, 10 years younger than me and in 5 months actually could see a future with her. Before that I was in a 6 year relationship in which i was cheated on and never thought I would recover. I'm not really happy with my job. All my friends are at the point in their life where they have serious relationships/ married, kids, houses etc. I am going nowhere. I pretty much try to sleep as much as possible to escape reality. The thing that kills me is that nobody really cares, no friends ever call to see how i'm doing, no x-girlfriends call to check on me (and they know how depressed i am). Each passing week I fall deeper and deeper into depression and lonliness. Saturday night, midsummer and i'm sitting on my couch, holding back tears. I don't know how much longer i can do this.


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Similar Entries:
shattered heart February 4, 2011
Where do I go from here? April 25, 2012



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Comments:
By anonymous at 20,Aug,11 08:40

I am 42 and live alone too (no dog though). I've got bad depression as well and I stay indoors. I know how you feel and with the sleep, I do the same. At night after I have taken my tranquilisers and then sleeping tablets I get almost 12 hours sleep. That way I can wake up knowing the sun will be going down in just a few hours. Don't know if you are doing it already but I hope you are seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist. They saved my life. Anti-depressants saved my life too. Community centres are a good start with all sorts of courses going on that you could do. You will realise that many of the people doing the course are the same as you - lonely. I haven't got to that stage yet because of my depression, but it is where I know I need to be. Yeah Saturday nights amplify our loneliness. I've been stuck like this for three years now :(


By anonymous at 20,Aug,11 14:50

I feel your pain hun, especially while sitting on the couch in midsummer while everyone's out enjoying the summer days/nights, we sit here on our couches lonely. I also live in an apartment, have no dog, but want one as they're a real comfort. I have been divorced for awhile and have not dated since. I really want a man in my life, even a one night stand, but am too depressed to pursue it. The other poster had some good advise, which I'll try. Depression is very hard to battle, but I hope you get through it. Your post sounds like something I say everyday, although it's a way of life for some of us. Good luck.
By anonymous at 21,Aug,11 02:46

Gosh I hate to admit this but I found some comfort in reading your words. To know that other people can relate to the way i feel makes me feel a little less alone. Its a shame we cant all get together and start enjoying life.


By anonymous at 21,Aug,11 04:44

"Saturday night, midsummer and i'm sitting on my couch, holding back tears." Beautifully written line. Been there many times.


By anonymous at 21,Aug,11 08:20

Me too... What helps me is I got a job working Saturday nights now. Its keeps me busy and keeps my mind off how sucky my social life is. Another thing you can do is volunteer at a homeless shelter, I'd be doing that if I wssn't actually working. Keeping busy really does help, sitting home alone is the worst thing to do.


By anonymous at 24,Aug,11 19:32

I am 47 and never thought I would end up alone. I worked so hard to give my wife and family everything. I adored her and put her on a pedestal everyday. We have a disabled child and she was my life. Every spare minute I was either playing with her or building something to make her life happier and easier. Now i am all alone in a home that once was a hive of activity and love. I cant see myself starting again at this age. I often wish for a fatal heart attack to take me away from this terrible lonliness and helplessness.


By anonymous at 03,Sep,11 01:49

I read your story, and you are definitely depressed more than lonely. I love animals, especially dogs and mine do help somewhat. But i also know the pain of sleeping endlessly to avoid real life. All the advice to just get out there does not work when everything inside is saying why bother. Holidays and Weekends emphasize lonliness we can usually ignore. Antidepressants work so-so.
Remember, anyone with a dog can't be that bad!


By anonymous at 24,Sep,11 04:31

I've experienced the Saturday night blues too! Fridays and Saturday nights are the worst time to be alone because there's a bigger expectation to be out with a loved one, friends etc. But it is just an expectation that we place on ourselves, that we should be sat with a glass of wine in a vineyard in tuscany.very few people are that lucky and no doubt those that are long for something different!the reality is, it's just another night and even folks in relationships will mostly be sat in watching t.v! If it's a particularly nice evening, maybe try and get out somewhere either peaceful and fairly secluded,like a park or country area or sit outside a coffee house with a book if you feel like being part of something. Getting a job to cover that night or doing voluntary work as mentioned in the comment above also sounds like a good idea as not only will you be too busy to feel lonely but you'll meet new people which may open more doors for you.hang on in there- really hope things pick up :-)


By anonymous at 03,Dec,11 22:52

Your not alone !!!
You have your dog with you ..
And everyone seems to forget GOD LOVES YOU !!!

Do you not know Jesus died on the cross so that you can have eternal life ??

Rejoice my friend you have a purpose in life do you not want to know what it is ??

Seek God and your soul will never thirst again
By anonymous at 03,Feb,12 13:56

I wish that was true. I have GOD. I live the best that I can by his Word. I speak to him all of the time. Yet I feel like an empty shell. He showed me happiness but i don't know why when he just ripped it away 3 years ago. My faith faltered for a couple of months but I got back on track. My situation just keeps getting worse and worse and I am ready to be taken home with my GOD because I can not handle this any longer.


By at 08,Feb,12 03:15

1 room ain't bad for 1person. Just be happy you've had gfs. Read some more stories in this website, you'll find that some people you're age haven't even been laid. Focus on the good stuff in life.


By Trisha at 15,May,17 00:57

Eu am masina inmatriculata pe Franta cu certificatul de inmatriculare pe numele meu. Platesc asigurare un pic mai scumpa, in rate (150 euro la 3 luni) dar in schimb nu se plateste nici un fel de impozit, sau alte taxe. Deci cu banii care ar fi fost pentru intmariculare, imi asigur masina pe aproape 3 ani, ceea ce e probabil mai mult decat o sa pastrez aceasta masina.


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