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Life of mediocrity

Posted by anonymous at August 28, 2011
Tags: 2011 August  Meaninglessness

Reading some of the other stories on here really puts what I'm about to say to shame.
Never been molested or anything like that(with my luck that'd be the only action I'd ever be lucky enough to get), I've just gone Un-noticed my whole life. Lived a mediocre life in an average as fuck famly that I'm starting to think that I'll never escape. Graduated high school last may and since then I just dunno what I'm s'posed to do. Too stupid to go to a college, unless community college counts, but that's really just the high school after high school. I'll pass on that. Can't find a job without prior works experience, which I don't have. I'd attempt a life of crime, but this place just isn't big enough to successfully pull that off. Society has pretty
Much ignored me for the last 18 years, maybe I'd finally get a little recognition if I took a shotgun into a crowded building and showed em what I think of this life. I have no respect for people, and I avoid them as much as possible, which has definantly contributed to this stagnant existence that I'm in now. I suppose the worst thing about my life has been that I've never really felt "fulfilled". Everything about life just seems pointless, theres no meaning to anything that happens. I don't feel truly suicidal, I think if I sincerely felt like dying, I'd just up and do it, since theres no
Meaning to existing, why leave anything behind? Fuck up as much things as you can and leave it for the next guy to clean up. Burn the house down, kill your pets, turn all the water faucets on and then shoot myself. That's how I'd wanna die.. I've thought it out in intricate detail. My thoughts of suicide have almost turned into ideations now, like fantasies. I imagine slashing my veins and watching the blood pour out in deep crimson spurts. Like a final ecstatic release before leaving this world.
I've never believed in much of an afterlife or a god, though in a last ditch effort to try and get outta this year and a half depression I've been in, I've tried to get into Buddhism, it sounds stupid, but it's essentially atheism with a meaning behind it. So far Buddha hasn't seemed to give me too much clarity in life though. Probly because I'm a fuck up at meditating too.


Similar Entries:
Life? Fuck it September 9, 2011
Patron Saint of Mediocrities March 8, 2012
It's not me January 30, 2011
Wasted life September 4, 2011
A little more regretful everyday July 30, 2011

New Comment

By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 15:20

Hey I got news for you :

Life sucks and then you die.

Either off yourself or deal with it. We are all gonna be in the ground one way or another one day anyway.

By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 15:20

Kill yourself before your pets, what the hell is wrong with you?

People like you shouldnt have pets.

By anonymous at 22,Dec,11 23:13

Look chief I'm genetically malformed, which causes my face and body to be twisted and hideous. I have horrible scarring on my face from zits and boils till I was 26. I live in poverty begging for a place to lay my head, and having to eat food off of the breakfast trays at work so as to get a good meal. If I dare to look at a women I'm sneered at or ridiculed vehemently. I can't ever make that better. At 31 I know that now. I look forward to death. Life has sucked, but I refuse to become the evil stereotype portrayed by the media or in the minds of the uncaring masses. Each morning I rise, choke back the sobs of despair and loneliness, plaster a smile on my face, and throw in a few jokes to keep the flood of tears back. I took the MCAT several months back. I knew that no American Medical school would take me judging from the horrible treatment I receive at interviews. So I figured I'd go find a group that deltt with some rejection of their own. I got accepted to a good school in the carribean. Funny, I'm the highest score that even applied there, but I've learned from the Physical abuse I received as a child and the rejection by everyone I know to take the lemons in life and make lemonade. I realize my life will never be happy. Hell I know I probably will never be able to get a good job here in the states, but I just don't let this dick of a world tell me that I'm useless. I'll have the last laugh in the end, and still be a nice guy when I finally receive that greatest gift of all -death.

By Ahmet at 27,Nov,12 20:35

Jenna, this post is really well wreittn, thoughtful and beautiful.I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, but my thoughts are with her for a speedy recovery and hope that all will turn out well. When I hear things like this, it makes me feel SO selfish that I often complain about my headache, the work I have to do, the weight I have to lose, etc. I should feel lucky to just be healthy and alive. Thank you for making me remember this.

New Comment