Reading some of the other stories on here really puts what I'm about to say to shame.
Never been molested or anything like that(with my luck that'd be the only action I'd ever be lucky enough to get), I've just gone Un-noticed my whole life. Lived a mediocre life in an average as fuck famly that I'm starting to think that I'll never escape. Graduated high school last may and since then I just dunno what I'm s'posed to do. Too stupid to go to a college, unless community college counts, but that's really just the high school after high school. I'll pass on that. Can't find a job without prior works experience, which I don't have. I'd attempt a life of crime, but this place just isn't big enough to successfully pull that off. Society has pretty
Much ignored me for the last 18 years, maybe I'd finally get a little recognition if I took a shotgun into a crowded building and showed em what I think of this life. I have no respect for people, and I avoid them as much as possible, which has definantly contributed to this stagnant existence that I'm in now. I suppose the worst thing about my life has been that I've never really felt "fulfilled". Everything about life just seems pointless, theres no meaning to anything that happens. I don't feel truly suicidal, I think if I sincerely felt like dying, I'd just up and do it, since theres no
Meaning to existing, why leave anything behind? Fuck up as much things as you can and leave it for the next guy to clean up. Burn the house down, kill your pets, turn all the water faucets on and then shoot myself. That's how I'd wanna die.. I've thought it out in intricate detail. My thoughts of suicide have almost turned into ideations now, like fantasies. I imagine slashing my veins and watching the blood pour out in deep crimson spurts. Like a final ecstatic release before leaving this world.
I've never believed in much of an afterlife or a god, though in a last ditch effort to try and get outta this year and a half depression I've been in, I've tried to get into Buddhism, it sounds stupid, but it's essentially atheism with a meaning behind it. So far Buddha hasn't seemed to give me too much clarity in life though. Probly because I'm a fuck up at meditating too.