i feel so lonley but im not good at socializing with other people, i dont really know why but i just feel uncomfortable around other people. I have never been able to get any real friends, i have only been with my class mates and once i went home from school iv been spending my days home alone. and when i graduated i stoped seeing my old class mates and now i just spend my time infront of the Tv or Pc. i also suffer from anxiety dissorder panic attacks and agoraphobia so going outside is really hard for me to do. sometimes when i wake up i start the computer i try to play some games or something to pass times but i cant get into anything and just think every thing is to boring, so i turn of the Pc and go watch Tv but the same thing happens there, there is nothing to watch, so after spent 12 hours sleeping and been awake for almost 1 hour im already bored to death and go back to bed and try to sleep, and i can spend the rest of the day in bed. i dont have any self confidence so doing things im not familiar with or good at gives me extreme anxiety and panic attacks, and i pretty much just crawl into a ball shaking and feeling nauseous and beeing afraid of losing controll of myself or going crazy, and when that happens im to afraid to do anything, since im feeling so nauseous im afraid of eating because i think im gona throw up.
i often think about suiccide but im afraid that if i screw up im gona get paralized (of hanging my self.) or trying To Od some kind of drugs but if i fail at that im gona be sent to some kind of mental institution, and im really scared of that.
it feels like im just killing time untill im gona die, with out accomplish anything in life.