I come from a big family. 8 kids. 2 older brothers, 3 younger brothers, and 2 younger sisters. My older brother has his license and goes to the same school as me but refuses to give me rides to school because he's a jack ass. I have to wake up 30 minutes earlier every morning to make a faggot bus that I usually miss because she comes extra early sometimes and I miss it. My parents ground me for the weekend if I miss the bus once in the entire week, even though my brother just gives me a ride afterward anyway. My parents are assholes, my dad has hit me pretty hard before and my mom has slapped me once. I have a younger brother with autism and I fucking love that kid. I always see faggots making fun of people like him though and it reminds me that people are going to do that to him one day and kids already are starting to do that to him. My parents pile all the responsibilities in the house on me, I have to do everything around the house. I started smoking weed because my friends have been doing it for years and my girlfriend in which I had been dating for a year broke up with me simply because "she didn't want a boy friend anymore." Awkward as fuck when I see her in the hallways. Teachers hate me. They always have. I don't misbehave too much though.. they simply fucking hate me for some reason. My littler sisters never stop crying and it gets to my head sometimes. I have anger issues and I think I have ADD, but who the fuck doesn't these days? I have been depressed for years and think about suicide nightly. I hate my life. I have to pull B's and better in all honors classes. In-fucking-possible. My math teacher is the biggest bitch ever. All my "friends" fucking suck. All they care about is weed. I have like 3 friends left who actually care about me. I suck at everything. I think I'm alright at football.. but never going to be good enough for the high school team. I have almost no motivation to do anything. I hate my life. It may sound like it's not all that bad, but depression is hell, trust me. All I ever think about is the easiest, quickest, and most painless way I could kill myself. Girls don't like me cause I have acne, and can't afford the most amazing polo clothing that everyone else can. I mean, my family could, but my parents don't give me shit for money. I have to pay for everything that I want to get and I'm only 15,unable to get a job. So I sell marijuana for money. People generally think I'm a funny person, I've been told in the past that maybe I should be a comedian when I grow up, but I'm really not that funny. All I ever hear at night is my parents yelling and arguing, or my little brother who's autistic making noises from across the hall. I'm nice to almost everyone except on a bad day. Seniors give me shit every day simply for being in existence. I hate my parents. They treat me like dirt. They ground me for the dumbest shit ever. That thing about missing the bus isn't even the dumbest thing I get grounded for. No one knows I am depressed, I feel like a complete faggot if I vent to anyone. So I hold it all in and just think about killing myself just to end this fucking shit. I've asked my parents if I could have counseling and they said they can't afford it. I hate my life. Haven't done anything with a girl since my last girlfriend .. (1 year) my acne isn't that bad.. but it's bad enough for girls to not like me. Anyone wanna let me know how I could get rid of my acne? Cause I sure don't. I've tried absolutely everything. Nothing helps. | |
But i grew up alright, hated parents when i was hit but now, am taking care of them financially.
I also have anger issues, but recognising that you have one is first step to being a better person. Just try to better control anger so that it won;t escalate into something big and uncontrollable
I think in general, you are facing growing up pains. When you are in 202 or 302 or 40s like i am now, you will look back at your problems listed here with a smile and shrug.
Look forward, think postive and good luck
I think its lovely how you care for your younger brother - if he does have autism, I think you know that you will need to look after him, and unfortunatly this is not an easy job but it is one that ust be done. Care for your family. at least, the family that you can care for like your younger siblings. if your parents are this bad, and your older siblings too, then whats it going to be like for them? I dont think you'd want them ending up in your situation. So even though i know it sucks, it might be a good way to focus your energies - caring for your younger siblings.
high school generally sucks no matter who you are or where your from.
About the acne ---- it doesnt last forever, and though it sucks now, is not as much of an issue when your older.
bout the girlfriend - a year is a long time, and it sucks how she broke up with you, sounded kinda immature, but just be thankful you've freaking had a girlfriend by 15, lots and lots of people havent.
Please dont kill yourself, think about your brother, you couldnt' do that to him
Don't let depression bring you down tho. You could try, for instance, write down your feelings, or join an acting group, an online community, some kind activity that doesnt invlove weed. Tsk.. tsk..
For acne, try La Roche Posay line for acne prone skin. I think you can get it at pharmacy and it's something a dermatologist recommended to my friend as well and it did wonders for her.
BTW it's sweet the way your taking care of your brother.. and don't worry abt girlfriend, if she doesn't smarten up you'll find another who'll realize what a gem you are :)
Take care,
XOXO
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