I'm 33 years old and my absolutely blows goats. I conceived by two teenagers who never wanted kids. My dad left when I was baby leaving my mom to raise me by herself. She couldn't handle it and turned to substances (e.g. pot, cocaine, LSD, heroin, crack, etc.). She subsidized this habit by resorting to petty crimes and got involved with drug trafficking and gangs. She instilled in my mind that if I ever told the police, I would die since people that's what happened to people who told on one another. She met an abusive partner and I witnessed repeated torturous domestic violence. She begged me to call the police as she was beaten and then told me not to. It was paralyzing each time as I was scared for her and at the same time scared of the consequences of telling on someone. This isn't even getting into the physical and emotional abuse and neglect. As a result of my poor circumstances, I was bullied in school and the boys chase me home and hurt me. My mom made it clear that I was an unwanted child and my dad made it clear by disappearing from my life.
I ran away from home at 16 when I knew the police couldn't stop me. I moved in with an abuser who seemed to be better choice. He was physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive.
I held on hope that if I finished school, got a good career and met the right person, life would turn out okay. That plan did work for me for awhile.
From a father who never wanted me, I inherited a very rare genetic disorder. I was diagnosed with cancer at 31 and told I wasn't going to live. There was nothing they could do for me. A month before hand, I just landed that dream job I've worked so hard for.
I persevered and beat the odds. I underwent chemo and managed to get an organ transplant by the skin of my teeth. I had several near death experiences and overwhelming health issues. Now my life revolves around medical dealings and I get told by friends/family that I should be happy to be alive. It's likely I'm the only one in the world with my specific medical case and I feel extremely isolated.
After 19 months, I went back to that dream job I accepted. Now I have mental health issues as a result of everything and frequent medical appointments. I need to start working part-time.
Life sucks. | |
your not alone
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