I'm sure it comes as no surprise when I say this is the loneliest I have ever felt.
I'm a 20-year-old college student who should be having the time of her life. Instead I spend most of my days alone in my bedroom staring blankly at the wall, my computer screen, or the TV. Every time I think about what I'm missing out on I cry.
My friends all left for college and I stayed home to attend a local community college. I never hear from them. My parents and siblings ignore me even though I practically beg for attention. My father is a drunk and hasn't said more than one word to me each day for months. My siblings never notice the pain I am going through each day.
I have serious anxiety and worry constantly. I am a perfectionist and I am never good enough. I push people away when all I really want is for someone to hold me, to touch me, to tell me it'll be okay. I've never felt any support from anyone in my life, and I don't know how to ask for it.
I am constantly overwhelmed by feelings of guilt. I feel guilty for even writing this because I know there are people out there who are worse off than I am.
I am afraid to be close to anyone. I'm afraid no one will ever love me.
I don't know how to change my negative thinking, but I know if I don't I will never be happy. I feel completely alone.