okay so most people would say life isnt that bad, but in truth, it really is. nothing has really happened lately but i really feel i am a nobody. i have tons of friends but im not close to anyone. my BEST friend who i loved like a brother moved and i have no contact with him because of his pill head mom. the "special girl" i like really digs me too, but i know if i asked her out she would tell me no. shes just so cool but so shy to that kind of stuff. i have no one to connect to and its tearing me apart. i would never do suicide but life does really suck. im a big christian, (as my name,) and i have a relationship with god, but still. i dont know what to do. i feel like cutting but just to relieve stress, and no aim to kill. im locked up in my own world and its becoming a night mare. people that have no controll over me tell me what to do and ive had enough, considering every bit has no reason. if their is a good reason, i follow their wishes but it gets annoying. when ur first kiss is with a hoe and she dates all of ur friends, it also lets u know that what u had was nothing special. i look at everyone else in my grade as little kids, but some are older than me. i feel older inside thatmn i really am. im really young but i feel i should be older. i guess u could say im an adult in a kids body. it feesls good to let it all out and releive some stress. but now i have to go back to my suckish life.