I just feel so hopeless about myself, and I've just had enough. If it wasn't for my mom I'd have killed myself already, but I could never put her through that. I'm a university graduate from a well recognised school, have had several jobs in the past where I always did well. I used to consider myself a very bright person, full of potential. I had dreams and goals, and hope. I gave those up the moment I realised I had no real potential.
I've applied for over 200 jobs in the last month. Nothing. Interviews at about 5/200 that went no where. I'm applying for entry level work. I'm applying for anything I can find. I long ago gave up of finding a job I'd actually enjoy, now I simply need some income. Nothing.
I've worked hard for everything I've had in my life, nothings ever been handed to me. I've worked since I was 16, I've never not had a part time job. I paid for my own education and worked long hours and late nights at horrible jobs just to get by. I've never had a break, I've never had something handed to me. I thought that would help me in the future. I guess not.
All around me people are starting careers. When I asked them how they found the job they respond "my uncles company" or "my dad's the executive". Ha. Must be nice. My dad just got laid off.
I want to keep trying but after today (and another embarrassing rejection) I'm giving up. I have no future, there's no point to me being here anymore. Once my mom is gone I will go too; me not wanting to hurt her is the only reason I'm still alive. I hate myself and I hate who I'm becoming; a nobody.