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long list of bad decisions, life suks mainly because i fucked my chance

Posted by gilign at June 3, 2010
Tags: Crime  Drugs  2010 June  Poverty  Relationship

started this life with a poor large family, parents constantly displaying acts of violence through out my was always working his bones off to support sick mother and family(15hrs day mostly), while trying to defend and secure the relationship.
i ended up giving up and leaving at 13. lived ok and continued to educate myself. going ok till i went bak to home town(age 15),to be a bit closer. started to hate mum(the acts of violence were too much)and couldn,t believe the fact dad was still trying to sustain love and there relationship
my bad decisions soon follower after that.
(age 16)
i started to smoke pot and stealing anything to sustain the habit. left school and went to the street side of life.
i moved alot from here(most states).
(within the next 5 years i ended up with a rap sheet a dozen pages long)
one thing i never have done is a violent act.
(age 18)
ended up in vic on street, taking coke, speed, any thing i can get, stealing cars, making drugs.( not making money just support habit)after trying to get full education (11 and 12 in 1 year).
(age 23)
went bak home town and to my amaizment divorce was being spoken about. happened
(age 28)
devorce finally happened
still resent mum. but glad dad happly married now for 2 years from now.

back to me

i went straight for nearly 2 years and lapsed once so i agreed to do drug counseling(god bless the salvation army). i did discharge myself but have been straight ever since.i have been working my bones off because my life is lonley.
(now age 32) every time i put my heart out on the line, i end up getting rejected or ditched for someone else. this has lowered my self asteam constantly through out my life and i realise now the fact i dont know what love is. i am prepared for it but scared to start.
i dont have much heart left and i am tired of working alot to fill the void of companinship.
god i want to be normal and be loved by someone special.
the last 3 years i hav secured a defence job, cleared my prior criminal debts / now own a expencive car have a great place to come home to.
i cant live this by myself, i am not a desperate type, i have only meet a few woman i am interest in, because i dont want a bad situation.
i dont want to resort to getting in a relationship just to be in one.
i feel like no one important to me loves me.
and cant keep putting myseft out there.
i have been in reserve for a long time after thinking i will meet someone someday that will accept me.
i have now lost the hope again, at least till i get over the lonlyness again.



Similar Entries:
Underestimated May 7, 2011
Poor me March 17, 2012
Hate mah life April 29, 2012
Everything is only as good as you make it... February 22, 2012
Yeah, it does August 6, 2011

New Comment

By anonymous at 04,Jun,10 18:49

Man, considering where you started, what you went through and where you are now - you are doing just great. Keep up your hard efforts and you will be fine.

By anonymous at 06,Jun,10 19:10

hey jackass,

you are 32 now

you have already spent half of your life away.. or maybe even more

you are closer to death than you ever were before

stop worrying about shit and enjoy the time you have left here

By at 07,Jun,10 17:43

And the award for the biggest douchebag in the world goes to...*points up*^^^
By at 10,Jun,10 20:40

What's up with that? I thought that I was the biggest douchebag in the world. (and I have the smallest wiener in the world)
By hmmmmm Impalement at 11,Jun,10 12:27

^^ Imposter. False god. I will smite him. ^^

As for the story. Yes your life is pathetic, meaningless, empty. Go die...
By at 11,Jun,10 20:31

Please do not hate me because of my micro-penis and my douchebaggery!!!!!
By God at 12,Jun,10 18:53

We pray for you that one day...thou shall "grow" another micro-inch in the next 50 years.
Your douche-baggery shall be cleansed by "buttock-Pounding" punishment, so yes...Please don't mind you.

We realize thou will never get "Thy Poon", unless it was a chipmunk, since a chipmunk is perfect for your "size".

May blessings be with you.
By anonymous at 03,Aug,11 12:23 Fold Up

no one will hate you. I have micropenis as well

By anonymous at 01,Aug,10 16:13

Don't lsiten to the these dickweeds. They have conpassion for anyoe who life is not going the way they want to. I have some of the same things and Im 37 now and my life is beter I 3 wonderful duaghters and a good husband who is there to support me and I mean moral support I work.

By t at 16,Aug,10 22:39

Wholly shit dude your life is *going* shit. My life was going well even though I was lazy and had ADD(up to 23) and then the bad luck came (got expelled from medical school) and I have been in the shit ever since (now 27).

Im real sorry for what happened to you (even though im not to blame).

You have to practice having happy, un-lonely, and trusting relationships if you want to prepare your mind for going that direction. Thats a secret I normally charge for ;)

By anonymous at 10,Sep,10 11:06

This would be believable if weed was an addicting drug and bad for you. Maybe it's your fault and not the weed?

By anonymous at 15,Dec,11 16:55

Learn. Thanks!

By anonymous at 15,Dec,11 16:56

By Bottes Ugg Bailey Button at 21,Sep,14 04:33

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New Comment