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Lost

Posted by anonymous at April 12, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude  Unemployment

Just came back from my seventh interview after graduating in may 2011 with a degree in marketing. I'll probably won't get this job either. I was too nervous that I messed up my wording. Why would a company hire a soft spoken and quiet person like me!! I hate myself so much!! How come I have no confident at all!! Even when I practice and prepare, I still screw up. I hate my current job so much! It's a damn retail job where I've been at for four years and five months. If the pay is better and there is benefits then I wouldn't hate it so much. But no, even if i worked there for so long, I get pay five cents more than minimum. Wow.. right?? I'm 25 and making like maybe 800/month. I still live with my parents and drive the same car as I did five years ago. My life hasn't improve one bit. My bank account has the same amount as five years ago. The only thing that is increasing is my age!! My friends, either married or planning to get marry. Some even have babies already. The other acquaintances that I have on Facebook, working at nice companies and making good money. I hate to compare myself to others but once you see people so much better, you can't help but do that. I'm not anti social or extremely quiet but I just get too self conscious and sometimes say the wrong wordings since English isnt my first language. Im fine making conversation with people but once there is pressure involve, my mind is like blank. I really tried to make myself better by researching and reading articles to better myself. But no matter what, i just cant overcome that.

Driving back home today, I really just want a car to just hit me and everything would be over with. But I know my parents work so hard for my siblings and I to have a better life in America. I don't want them to be sad and live with a burden of losing a daughter. I also have a bf that I know needs my presence. I know a lot of people care and love me but I really hate myself.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 12,Apr,12 09:44

Again mate, you are highlighting your weakness in every interview which makes you feel miserable, if you are shy you are shy. .. who asked you to get into marketing? you are best suited for office administrative work or even areas where you dont have to communicate to people find a work there and you will become a big hit, life is too short to fill your weakness every one has thousands of them.. focus on your own strenghts.. enjoy you life .. it is a gift dont think of it as crap man.


By anonymous at 12,Apr,12 09:54

Atleast you got a job and a roof over your head. 25 isn't old enough for some changes. Building a family shouldn't be the issue here since you have a bf. You can make a lot of babies if you want to. Just enjoy your life as a single woman and work harder for what you want. We're pretty much the same btw i talk less too and always screw things up when i get up to speak. I stutter a lot and my mind would go blank when being asked a question about certain stuff. I'd like to think i'm dumb but hey i do well at math. I guess what you need to do is find where you good at and focus on it, without putting your current job or anything in jeopardy and go from there. Good luck.


By anonymous at 12,Apr,12 14:54

untill you love yourself your life will never change. Read my page. M.S.D and maybe you will feel better about yourself. Be happy with what you have accomplished and what you do have. Trust me, it could be so much worst. You have your health, a degree and parents that love you. Until you like or better yet love yourself your life will not change. For me, working out for 1 hour day will make you feel so much better. try working out. Break a good sweat once a day and you will start feeling a lot better. When you start to see your body physically change it feels great. I'm a T4 paraplegic and I still see the good things in life even though my life is so challenging. Try to get positive and if you start working out, I promise life will seem better.
1. you have a job
2. you have a car, I can't even drive or walk
3. you have your health ect.............


By anonymous at 12,Apr,12 19:23

Yeah life can be a bitch sometimes, I have a master's degree in finance and after 2 years of pure struggle I couldn't find a job.. I'm diagnosed with MS.. I've lost two family members and a house and a bit of my humanity during the revolution in Syria.. I never had a girlfriend -knowing that I'm 26 years old- because of the social & religious pressure back in my homeland country... I'm living with four fellow Syrians in a one bedroom apartment in Dubai, still struggling to find a job, any job.. and I'm an atheist which is by itself a depressing issue, because I can't find a purpose to the whole existence.. BUT, my dear friend, I still can suck the juice out of this life, I still enjoy art, music, soccer, books, friends (they're poor of course like me xD).. I still enjoy stargazing, swimming, cracking jokes, playing chess and bridge.. I still enjoy the beauty of a woman walking down the street.. It's the simple things that brings joy to your life, and I'm still full of hopes to make something out of this mess


By anonymous at 12,Apr,12 20:33

You'll be okay. Actually, that's a lie... The trust is that you're already okay. I know the feeling of being underemployed and struggling to get something better. Have faith that the struggle is what makes you strong. Trust me, 25 is still very young - you have plenty of time to achieve your dreams. Our 20s are about finding a viable first job and about deciding what we want and don't want in a career. You're right where you are supposed to be.


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