Just came back from my seventh interview after graduating in may 2011 with a degree in marketing. I'll probably won't get this job either. I was too nervous that I messed up my wording. Why would a company hire a soft spoken and quiet person like me!! I hate myself so much!! How come I have no confident at all!! Even when I practice and prepare, I still screw up. I hate my current job so much! It's a damn retail job where I've been at for four years and five months. If the pay is better and there is benefits then I wouldn't hate it so much. But no, even if i worked there for so long, I get pay five cents more than minimum. Wow.. right?? I'm 25 and making like maybe 800/month. I still live with my parents and drive the same car as I did five years ago. My life hasn't improve one bit. My bank account has the same amount as five years ago. The only thing that is increasing is my age!! My friends, either married or planning to get marry. Some even have babies already. The other acquaintances that I have on Facebook, working at nice companies and making good money. I hate to compare myself to others but once you see people so much better, you can't help but do that. I'm not anti social or extremely quiet but I just get too self conscious and sometimes say the wrong wordings since English isnt my first language. Im fine making conversation with people but once there is pressure involve, my mind is like blank. I really tried to make myself better by researching and reading articles to better myself. But no matter what, i just cant overcome that.
Driving back home today, I really just want a car to just hit me and everything would be over with. But I know my parents work so hard for my siblings and I to have a better life in America. I don't want them to be sad and live with a burden of losing a daughter. I also have a bf that I know needs my presence. I know a lot of people care and love me but I really hate myself.