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I live in a fantasy world.

Posted by jj at April 20, 2012
Tags: Anxiety  2012 April  Attitude  Sociopathy

I live in a fantasy world. My life currently involves sleeping and playing video games. I developed severe social anxiety when I was 13 (now mid 20's) and effectively have lost the will to live at this point. I live with my mother, no job, no friends, not even a license. I am chronically ashamed of my life and do everything I can to hide it. My biggest fear is being unoccupied; to let my mind remain idle is the scariest experience relative to the world I live in (let alone the real world, outside, that is something I haven't experienced in years). I have a deep inferiority complex that's hidden beneath a superiority complex that I can barley maintain. My personality is defined by my pathologies; my own identity alludes me; I disassociate from myself due to this crippling guilt that pervades every aspect of my pathetic little life. I cry myself to sleep every night. I am sadistic towards myself and hate myself at so many levels; I hate myself for hating myself because the reasons for hating myself are values that I cannot seem to shake which produces this cognitive dissonance which just causes even further frustration. Denial is my best friend. I don't even know who I am anymore, I feel like I live in a dream and would dearly like this dream to end but I'm too much of a coward go do it myself.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 21,Apr,12 21:43

You're a mess. Might as well go out and drink.


By anonymous at 22,Apr,12 09:06

Hey.. I kinda live in a fantasy world myself... your like me, you don't have an inferiority complex, you just feel it's better to be unhappy than uncomfortable... i know because talking to random people at a bar once was the most fearful experience of my life... you don't know what your capable of yet cause you haven't had enough exposure.. use your head and not your heart... turn off your computer for a week and go talk to people who like star craft at an internet cafe or something, it's at least a start.


By at 22,Apr,12 19:37

DENIAL(dont)(even)(notice)(i)(am)(lying)Get on your knees right now,dont even think about it.Just do it.Ask jesus to forgive you for every sin you had ever committed.Ask him to become your lord and savior.Its that simple.Dont complicate it.
By anonymous at 18,Oct,12 19:23

Oh Please get a life whoever you are ...


By at 24,Apr,12 15:37

Wow. I'm not sure it's wise for some people to post here. Some comments really seem genuine, while others seem to be from immature, desperate trolls. Anyway...ignore the BS from these guys and take in the good stuff.

JJ, buddy, I get what you're talking about. And as difficult as it may seem, the best thing for you to do is step out and interact. Believe me, there are billions of people out there and I bet in those billions there are at least a few who'd be into the same stuff as you are. Human connection and interaction have a way of ironing out the bad stuff. The first few weeks or months will be awkward, but it'll get better. There's a whole world to see, bud. Even if you don't care to interact, make an effort to get out more...even if it's by yourself. You'll be surprised as to where life can lead you. It has a way of making things better, if you let it.


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