I was born into a completely dysfunctional poor family, my mother a violent schizophrenic and my father an disinterested narcissist.
I never felt safe at home , and was was not aloud to leave my mothers site. At school I was teased for being small and feminine. Around 13 puberty struck, I began to hate the changes in my body and my life and sister attempted suicide due to the stress of our shit home life.
I suffer depression and anxiety, which often leaves me unable to leave my room. I used drugs and was high every waking minute during this period to distract myself from the ongoing memories of traumatic incidents and my self hatred. I have since kicked all my addictions.
A year ago I decided to try and accept that I am transgender, acknowledging that society has the problem with not allowing people to freely choose gender and live as a woman, as I should have been doing my whole life.
Now I have another set of problems; trying to accept that I am misunderstood by the majority of people, being treated differently when people find out I was not born a woman, my body and mind will never match no matter what operations I could have, I am afraid of intimacy, never had nor will never have a relationship. Besides one time when I was sexually assaulted I haven't even had my first kiss... I'm 29 :(
My memory is shattered from drug use and I think I'm ugly.
I hate my past, am scared of the present and have little hope for the future.