Well, as you know my character is kinda screwed. I am 16 YO this year, never had sex, never had a gf, never hug nor kiss before, only dated twice. Many people say that I am very handsome, cool, charismatic, but I do not have a good personality. Many girls like me, and I am the type in which girls go for, but I feel unworthy for them. I am so afraid to know them, because I hate my nice good guy and dull personality. I hate myself a lot. Let me tell u all of my problems. I am anti-social, introverted, has social phobia, don't dare to look into one's eyes when talking and very rude, has all kind of irritating and disgusting action while chatting with others, has an unfriendly aroma, kind of shy, low self esteem and confidence, not bold, one very honest and upright man(seemed like a robot)(this was because of my fking teacher in primary school who asked us to be fking honest and obedient and I was the stupid one who became the teacher's pet and listened to her. From then on, I became some very honest, very very upright guy who doesn't know how to have fun.) Well all these could actually screw my teenage life, screw my entire life. First off, people don't like me. They hate my every action, the way I talk and move and do things. I always screw things up. One fine example was when I was in 8th grade of high school. I was the parade commander for morning assembly and I had to shout out the command. When I was on stage, my leg shook like mad. The audiences laughed. From then on, my self esteem was vanished! I don't even dare to keep my head up. Okay that's not the main problem. Despite being so honest and upright, noone likes me. They hate me for my dumbness, stupidity, and so damn fking retard. They call me idiot. Well, of course, girls after knowing that I am like this, they rejected me once again. They only like my cool and handsome looks. Of course, I disappoint them and myself a lot. That's why up till now, I still never had a gf even though I crave a lot for one. I crave really a lot. Noone basically wants to talk to me. Everywhere I go, be it in class, school, outside, I am a LONER. LONER LONER LONER LONER LONER LONER LONER!!! YES THAT'S THE FKING MAIN PROBLEM. I HATE MY LONELY LIFE. Each day in school, I had to force myself to get into the classroom cos once I got into the classroom, I would be sitting at the back of the class all by myself without anyone to talk to. Noone would like to talk to me. Even if they talked to me, I wouldn't know how to react well with others. I couldn't play with them, I couldn't enjoy myself. I hate myself a lot for that cos since childhood, due to the FKING INFLUENCE of teacher, who wants me to be the teacher's pet and be all obedient :" BE THE QUIETEST AND MOST ATTENTIVE STUDENT. BE HONEST AND VERY UPRIGHT". And I was the silly guy who listened to that old woman and became very obedient good boy who never ever play with others, neglected all my friends and just only listen to teacher in class. That's how I became one dull and obedient guy. GOOD GUY GET NO GIRLS. I got the coolness and looks, but I can't get any girls. IT'S ALL THE FKING OLD BIITCH TEACHER'S FAULT. SERIOUSLY. I WISH TO CURSE HER TO DIE IMMEDIATELY AND BURN IN HELL FOR ETERNITY. SHE SCREWED MY CHARACTER, SCREWED MY TEENHOOD AND ENTIRE LIFE. SHE'S ONE FKING OLD BIITCH THAT I WISH TO GORGE OUT HER EYES, TWIST HER NIPPLES HARD, KICK HER IN THE FACE AND SLAM HER HEAD HARD.I remember once when I was a very very young child, I wasn't like this. I can play a lot with others, people liked me a lot. It's all because of that STUPID FKER TEACHER, HER NAME IS AGATHA ANG. AGATHA ANG SHALL BURN IN HELL. She screwed my character and my life basically. Yeahh. That's all. | |
And what's more, you're not alone, dude. I have Asperger's Syndrome, I mantain limited eye contact, screws up relationships easily, has limited empathy, is socially awkward etc. And the worst part is, you don't get through that easily, when you're betrayed by your best friend, having your ass whooped in a fucking gigantic gang fight, absolute no freedom of speech and sugarcoating of propaganda everywhere, labeled as a total pervert because you're an oddball and hated on by almost everyone.
Yeah, and about the teachers...my school has a lot of shit teachers, they molest girls and get away with it.
I was socially stunted, had no friends and felt pretty fking sht all the time!
I'll tell you this, IT GETS BETTER. Even though your old teacher may or may not be the cause of your anguish now, it can be fixed and you can become the person you want to be.
I talked to my schools counsellor and that helped a lot but see what works for you to help you feel better.
Hope this helps.
In my days the 80s everybody was considered to be normal. I heared about Asperger's syndrome only in the last 5 years. I think I have autistic symptons too, but at my age finding out it serves little purpose.
So be careful, focus on yourself. Get a future plan ready, before it is too late. Really investigate where you are going.
My life went better in my thirties. My twenties were hell too, but still I did not turn up dead or did not ruin my body with X like the rich kids from school.
Success and good luck!!!
I tried all the stupidest things to try to be more sociable and pleasant. They reacted good at this thing and gave me more attention, just to see on Facebook how they laugh when they gossip about me.
Everyone has something to complain when I do something. They laugh cause I listen that genre of music, they laugh cause I wear that T-shirt, they laugh cause I SPEAK. I am so frustrated and I wish only to have a house on a lonely island and just live by myself cause I can't deal it with it anymore. I tried 2 times to kill myself, but I failed as always cause I am a coward. FML
29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none, 30 those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, 31 and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away.
32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
36 But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry. 37 Nevertheless he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin, does well. 38 So then he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better.
39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment—and I think I also have the Spirit of God.
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