My life is boring. I'm 17, and it's summer vacation. You'd think I should be going out with friends and having a good time, but all I've been doing is staying at home. My everyday activities consist of only watching TV and surfing the internet.
My "friends" never call me to hang out. Most of them are out doing something or they just don't give a sh*t about me. It's sad because I've known my "friends" for years, but now they only feel like acquaintances. I have no best friends, and that sucks. I have no one to talk to. I've never had a boyfriend, and I don't think I'll ever be able to have one.
I f*cking hate being poor. You can't go anywhere since everything costs money. I hate the fact that for my last year of school, I'll be wearing the same clothes I've been wearing for years. It's embarrassing because they have holes, the color is faded, and my family can't afford to get me new clothes. I want to help provide for my family. I've been trying to get a job, but no one wants to hire me.
My mother is literally psychotic ever since she lost her job. It's annoying to be up during the day only to hear her screaming and talking to herself like a maniac. So, I do my best to sleep all day just to avoid her as well as my father. My father never talks to me, except after he's done using the computer for hours on end - which is sick considering the fact that he only uses the computer to talk to other girls. I hate my father for cheating on my mom. I hate the fact that my mother knows this and is okay with it.
I feel lonely at night. There's no one to talk to. I wish I could have someone, maybe a pet to keep me company, but that costs money too. I have two older brothers, one of which never talks at all, and the other who likes to get drunk/stoned as hell. My stoner brother has a job, but he chooses to waste it all on his sh*t drugs and alcohol rather than helping us out.
... I wish my family actually had money, I wish my mother was sane and was like her old sweet self, I wish my brothers would be more sympathetic about our situation, I wish my life was like my youngster days.