Okay so I used to be a real arrogant cocky little prick for most of my elder teenage years and also into my young adulthood. I use to walk and talk like I was better than everyone around me and even if I wasnt I wouldn't give other people around my social-circle and outside my social-circle the credibility & respect they felt they deserved. I guess you can say I was a very egotistic person and had way too much PRIDE despite the fact that I was a young unemployed hustler and still living at home with my parents.
Yes I know, your probablly thinking what a LOSER!. Believe me when I say, that's one word ive heard all the time for most of my life and now im at a point where if I hear somebody call me that?..too be quite frank, it doesn't bother me anymore. As I mentioned before, I have way too much pride. I guess that's the main reason why im experiencing soo much hardship in my life. I've swallowed my Pride during alot of encounters and situations throughout my life as well and it seems like even then, people like to keep on saying shit either directly or indirectly. I just dont know what the fuck too do anymore. At times I even feel helpless, and just walked away from certain encounters and/or situations. Seems like whether I got pride or not, theirs ppl in my life who just dont stop saying stupid shit too me. The thing that pisses me off the most is, after I react or say something horrible back too the other person they act like they were just making a joking comment. I mean how the fuck do you expect me to react when you say hurtful negative comments like...you were born stupid/dumb or the fact that your such a fuck up in life?. Like really?...is that a way of joking with someone?..I feel that the jokes are more intentional and sugar coated as a joke so I wouldn't react. How effing insulting is that. Oh man, I can't even explain the amount of fucked-up thoughts I had to eliminate out of my mind because of these so-called minor issues. Even after explaining how I find certain negative comments very delibrate and offensive, ppl just don't seem to get the point that im seriously about to go haywire on them. I mean im not saying I don't make offensive comments and only the people around my life do. I realize that im not perfect either but im only human and I dont tease ppl by saying offensive shit. Also, ever since I stopped walking the negative path in my life and im back onto the right path, I feel like my stressful and negative thoughts are seriously about to make me lash out on someone really bad whose either close too me or whomever triggers my thoughts on a good or bad day.