LIFE SUCKS

From dream to nightmare.

Where to begin. I just turned 40 and life is looking bleak.

Growing up, my family always struggled and we were always poor. I never got to keep any birthday money and I remember many nights searching for change so we could afford rice to eat. But my parents loved their three boys, me being the oldest, and taught us the value of education.

I worked hard and did well in high school holding down a job almost the entire time to help the family. I got an academic scholarship and was able to head off to college. After my freshman year, my father got cancer and passed away within months. I had no choice but to come home and help take care of my mother.

After a few menial labor jobs, I found I had a knack for sales and started to make excellent money at just 20 years old. $40K a year wasn't bad in 1992 and it kept my mom afloat and my younger brother in college. I met a wonderful woman and got married and within a few years I was making close to $80K a year. I was able to get married and support my wife and help keep my two younger brothers in college. I was doing better than all my college graduate friends financially so I didn't see the need to go back and finish. My wife was also making decent money and we bought a home in Southern California.

Then in 1999 my wife was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis that became severe very quickly. She had to stop working and a 3 year battle with her disability insurance company ensued as well as Social Security. We ultimately won, but the settlement with the disability company was small and so we were left with just a small monthly Social Security Disability payment. Even worse, the harsh medications she has had to be on ever since meant having children would have been a huge risk so we would forever remain childless. Our dogs became our children.

Still, we stayed afloat and our home started to skyrocket in value. As the home market neared its peak in 2005, we saw an opportunity to cash in on the enormous equity and buy a home in Florida. At the same time, a good friend, or so I thought at the time, was doing well in a business he had started and decided to franchise it. So instead of doing the smart thing and buying our home for cash in Florida, I went for the big prize and tried to go into business for myself. Long story short, the economy tanked soon after starting the business and to make matters worse, my "good friend" who I had known for 20 years robbed us blind.

We had paid $330K for our Florida home and could have paid it off with the equity from our Ca. home sale. Instead, we were left owing $170K, but thought we would be okay because we actually put down $160K unlike the subprime zero down cash back loans being made all around us. Instead, over the last 5 years our home has dropped $200K in value in one of the hardest hit areas of Florida leaving us $30K-$40K upside-down despite the massive down payment! In trying to keep the business afloat and pay our employees, we also wracked up $100K in credit card debt.

I thought I had the earning potential, based on what I had previously earned, to still meet all our monthly obligations, but quickly found out the job market wasn't what it once was. Sales jobs were all that would afford a non-college grad like me the chance to make enough to meet my monthly obligations, but even working in the same industry I had my most success, the income potential had disappeared. At near 40 I wasn't even able to make what I did at 20 years old. We quickly fell behind on all our debt except our mortgage. Bankruptcy was an option, but I didn't want to do it so we held off.

Then, in the middle of 2011 a one in a million opportunity fell in my lap. Things were finally starting to look up for us. We started being able to pay all our bills and actually have a few dollars left over each month to pay off our debts without filing for bankruptcy. Then three months ago I went on a day hike with my brother. Long story short I fell off a 30' hill and completely crushed my right ankle breaking both the fibula and tibia, dislocating both those bones from the ankle joint itself, and tearing most of the ligaments. With two plates, 19 screws, and my fibula and tibia permanently screwed together, I wasn't able to even put any weight on my ankle for 2.5 months leaving me stuck at home and my one in a million job opportunity evaporated.

A month ago my beloved dog of 14 years started to have seizures. The tests were going to cost money we simply didn't have. I felt like such a loser, like I betrayed her for all the love she gave unconditionally. 2 weeks ago she started having many seizures a day and then one night they started happening back to back to back. We tried rushing her to the ER vet, but by the time we got there, it was too late. She was already gone and I can't help but to feel at fault.

Then today, we were served with two lawsuits for our outstanding debt. I have no money, no job, my home payment is two months behind and I just feel like I can't take any more. I have $600K in life insurance and am worth more dead than alive. I feel like if I could just die, at least my wife would be taken care of. I'm diving deeper and deeper into depression with no hope in sight. I feel like the universe is just waiting to kick me in the nuts at every opportunity. I don't know how much longer I can go on.