I am 17 and in a relationship with a girl I truly love. I try my best to do any and everything I can to support and help her. I dream of her and constantly miss her when she isn't around. I never really consider it work or a burden because I love to make her happy. I try to let her know I love her and pour out my soul with my feelings. She is an amazing girl who deserves all the best.
Except she doesn't feel the same. We had been close friends before the relationship and I know she loves me, but she isn't in love with me. She only misses me sometimes and tells me that I don't "fit in with the rest of [her] life right now" and that I "don't feel right" to her.
Worse still, she has stopped herself when we are getting hot and heavy because she "can't get into it" and feels "guilty". It wouldn't bother me if I knew she wasn't ready for sex, but I know she is. We have discussed in on multiple occasions and she doesn't even believe love is a prerequisite for sex. Though I am a virgin, she is not. I don't think it is my looks because the guy she has had sex with before is significantly less attractive (in my opinion as well as others). She has said before it is her own problem and not mine (she has anxiety and intimacy issues), but it drives me mad.
I also feel terrible because I have seen her in a couple of relationships before as a friend. The guys she missed most and felt strongest with were "distant" (her own words) didn't really care about her (my own observations). I try to provide her with everything I can, but it never seems like enough. I know what disappointed her in those relationships and I avoid those pitfalls, but I think something must be inherently flawed with me. It angers me that she can throw herself upon people who won't make her happy and she can't be happy with me.
I know something must be wrong. I feel like a weight tied to the foot of a beautiful bird, trying to fly free. I need this girl but I feel like I am an impediment to her happiness.
She and I have spoken on this before. She really loves me and doesn't want to to feel bad, but I can't help it. She wants for us to work, but I feel more hopeless by the day. I want this SO MUCH but can't help but feel like I'm drowning. I can't expect her to feel a certain way she doesn't and I want to see her happy. It just kills me that I'm not that guy.
What is wrong with me?