LIFE SUCKS : 2011 February

HATE MY LIFE

I really dont know where to start. I hate my life, my job is horrible. Hard work, little pay. I'm a secretary. I use to live overseas. But, because of hte economic crisis, i had to move back home. I'm 32 and i am just starting over. I am so tired all the time. I dont have the energy to get up in the morning. I work out everyday cuz i feel that if look good maybe ill start to feel good, but it isnt working. Guys ask me out but i dont feel any sort of attraction to anyone. I dont date. I dont see the point. I dont like going out cuz I just see a bunch of people who get pissed drunk. I'm one of the few women who probably dont want children. where i live is horrible, cold and dark. Cant move cuz im in debt and im trying to get out of it. does anyone else feel this way? It just seems like a never ending cycle. I was thinking of going back to school but when I think about tuition fees, Im just going to get into more debt. I work part time as well. I work 7 days a week. Just trying to get out of debt. Ugh seems like it's never ending.

it really sucks

I never had friends had a dad that really wanted a boy drank away my adult life. My husband shot himself infront of me while I was pregnat with my baby. I have no skills no money am old and worn out and can't get hired if my life depended on it. About ready to be homeless in a very cold climate. My dad just died and now I found out my daughter has depression and health problems and no health insurance.
Please don't worry about the gf bf or if you are popular. You have time to change it if you don't waste your time like I did. Now I can't find a way to move on no matter what I try. I went back to school and still can't get hired.
There is no where to turn but the only thing I know for sure is Im not taking the cowards way out. It won't do me any good and really really screws up other people like I wouldn't want my worst enemy hurt.
You have time mine pretty much ran out and I have to live with the mistakes I made. No way to make up for them now. Im just kinda waiting for it to be over and hope I don't end up in a cardboard box or in a welfare nursing home where you don't even get to eat when or what you want. And get bathed by someone I don't know when I don't feel like it.
Pills didn't help prayers didn't help talking didn't help. Im just waiting. DON'T waste your time make your life better in anyway while you Find a way NOW while you can. Even if you try to make a difference to someone else and help them. Best way to help yourself is too help someone else. I don't even have resourse to do that.

Shit happens

I have a 2 year old son, but with his mum 6 months ago, we didn't talk much, well i had a really nice girlfriend and we where planning to life together this year, i was pretty much in love with her.
well it turns out that i went to see my son, i stayed at her house for 2 months because she lives really far away. one thing led to another and now cause of my stupidity she turns out to be pregnant. and i told my actual girlfriend, so she left me, my ex left me. and now im all alone. life sucks. it really sucks.

what a life

Last year at this time my life was great. Got married back in April 2010 then in MAy 2010 I lost my father. Became depressed cause of it. Got in trouble at work almost losing my job. Filed for in a divorce because I do not feel loved. Just got a DUI the other day all because I was at a friends house and I smelled people smoking weed next to so I left. Can't smoke weed in my job. So I panicked left and got pulled over. Now I will be trouble at work. I really am getting tired of life..

Alone

I'm 28 and never had a girlfreind.
I don't have any freinds.
The only people i talk to is those at work. They view me as a clown.
I am, for the most part, constantly nervously paranoid that people will find out how pathatic i am.
I spent a couple of good years drinking and druging
(I have stopped 2 years ago thanks to rehab)
I get depressed often and spend my friday and saturday nights with obsessive fearful thoughts because i don't have the balls to "go out"
My mother died a couple of years back and my father and I never got along.
I am alone. The only thing that calms my nerves down is daydreaming of death: mine and random people (viginia tech style)

Don't leave all your trust to your boyfriend

i have been with this boyfriend for almost 3 years now. i felt pity and did everything for him when he was jobless, now i am jobless and he is working in a contraction site earning more money. i dont have any money to buy some food or cook at home and i have been asking him for some money but it seems he don't wanna give me any.

i sometimes say to myself... I should have had a sugar daddy as my boyfreind at least he will cater for me and my schooling.

Wife of 17 years

Well here I am now 40 years old and have found out my husband has had a 8 month affair. After the initial crying distraught then picking myself off the bathroom floor (laying there for over 3 hours)
I am now desperately trying to make myself happy. I had even accepted I was the one who drove him to a affair. Offering him a golden ticket even paying for a trip to get away from me (to miss me) to Miami. How stupid am I? Now he is staying at his mothers and all of his things are still here. He refuses to go to counseling and only wants me when drinking.
I'm just sick about it all, especially because of our 12 yr old son.
After so many years together splitting is especially hard. I don't think we could work because I can't trust him At All. He twists things always on me saying I cheated (which is a lie) and I am the one with the problem. I know I am a beautiful wonderful thoughtful person who deserves more.
I guess I feel as if I'm letting our son down.
So no more serving him breakfast lunch and dinner, no more sponge baths, no more total body massages, no more playing maid or servant and no more laundry. I hope he finds a crazy person who stabs him in the leg for his wallet.
I was an amazing wife and the grass isn't always greener..
I just hope maybe I'll find happiness. The only happiness I've found is separation = weight loss.

I have always been a shy person i guess. Many people mistake it for coldness. I have been in bad relationships. I have been rejected and developed BDD. I have had many compliments about being very handsome and hot. People are alwys happy to see me at parties, but rarely talk to me besides saying hi. In college, people began calling me and "elf." I have little friends. The one thing that has been going good in my life is my education, that's all, my financial future looks good, but nothing else. I am now 21 and i don't see things getting better. I don't know what to do.

FML

im 15 soon to be 16 in march
my dad is an abusive alcoholic
my mom is too forgiving
i no longer have any real friends
the only thing that i feel has ever truly cared for me is my pet cat and he was killed by 2 fucking dogs yesterday
i am a failure in ALL subjects at school
and all the girls think im ugly and disgusting because i have a lot of acne and oily skin (ive tried every thing
i want to commit suicide but always get scared at the last minute

Drowning in my own lies

For four ears, now, I have been going to university away from home. Four years my parents have paid my way through. I've been studying business with a specialization in accounting. First year was a breeze, I did virtually no work, and still pulled off a 3.9 GPA. Second year got a little harder, but I still did the bare minimum and kept my GPA above a 3.0. Anytime I spoke to my parents, if they asked how school was going, I would lie and tell them it was all good and I was doing well.

Third year rolled around, and things started getting hard. I failed one of my major courses first semester. My parents were unimpressed to say the least. Still, my approach never changed. Do the bare minimum. Retaking the course again this year, I failed again. My parents couldn't understand how I had failed, especially since I had told them I was doing well in the course during the semester. After having talked to the teacher and discovered the truth of my lies, they are furious. I've never seen them this angry. They say I betrayed them, that I wasted their money and my time, and that this behaviour was downright disrespectful.

I feel terrible about this. It was never my intention to fuck things up so royally. I don't know why I lied so much, why I couldn't tell them how things were really going, and that I probably needed help with this class. I dont know why, even after I had failed the class, I didnt just tell them everything, why they had to hear it from the teacher.

sucks

my life sucks, about to be evicted from my apt today, about to get my car repossessed, no job, 33yrs old. no money, only place to go is on the streets.

Discimination

I suppose I started out having a normal life I did everything from sports to art to music and I was popular in school. Then as time passed things started to fade away and I went off to university where I fenced. I developed a problem with my hips and lower back which still hasnt been diagnosed 6 months later. I have to walk long distances with crutches which means I'm on then everyday. I'm in constant pain and find it hard to concentrate in classes. I have to get multiple extensions and don't make it to a lot of lectures. I'm tired and depressed and even my relationship is taking the strain. I can never relax and just feel like giving up and going home.
Anyway now I am classed as disabled and I have to have counseling so I haven't been to fencing training in a while although because I am dedicated to the team I have only missed to matches (because they were easy wins). Today I got a text saying I am off the team because I haven't been to training and I'm "not on top form". Why is everything I love being taken away from me? Fencing, uni, my bf and worst of all my whole life?

I am so down right now I cry constantly and I just want my life back :'(

My Dad, my Life, and my Future.

My life is great except it's all just a toilet and an excited dog howling and peeing in my room sometimes. Also it's hard for me to get to sleep, but if I act manicaly crazy like I have down syndrome, I get to sleep. It's so weird. I feel so weird. And my dad isn't helping me much with these problems. I mean, I don't know what he thinks of me watching porn, but he always gets angry with me, which sure isn't helping me. He shouts, screams, threatens me for the stupidest things. For example, I didn't put ice cream in a bowl and ate it out of the carton because there was only a little left and I wanted to finish the ice cream and in walks my dad, and screams that I have no manners. He shouts at me for an hour (YES an hour) about ice cream and then makes up lies out of the blue. "The cream cheese has saliva in it." "Look at the vegetables, there are only carrots left." I never ate the vegetable soup and I don't spit on cream cheese. HE'S ALWAYS picking fights on me like this. He's making me unattractive and I've only had one girlfriend in my life which only lasted 2 weeks. I don't talk on the phone so my dad thinks I'm anti-social. My job title is a cashier. I don't know if I should go back to school or stay in customer service, but the job I have now is not going to cut it. I'm already 26, I don't feel good by myself and I need to find some friends and find out where I'm really heading in life. Usually I don't even know what it is that my dad is talking about. I guess I need my dad to stop harassing me first. Then I can work towards building a better future.

My enitre life..

Please try and read everything. I know it's very long but it would tell you a lot about my struggle.

I grew up in a very disfunctional and abusive family. Being little, I would see my dad hit and curse at my mom. He would do the same for me. I have called the cops on him before and he has changed. He no longer hits us but still remains a very narcistic and insecure person. He thrives on sarcasm and belittling others. No one in public sees this in him because as a narcisist, he appears exceedingly confident and nice. But infront of his own family, that's where he unleashes his angers and fears.

In high school, I portrayed the same value he has. I was too, very narcistic but not as quite as insecure. I got by with my semi-good looks. I was an athlete, worked out, and dressed up fairly well. But I was also very lonely and naive. I secretly remained a virgin and was never invited to parties through out high school (until this day). I never had real friends to rely on.

I barely graduated and there I was in community college. I was no longer unique and popular like I was back in high school. There's no gym where I go to school so lifting weights was no longer in my life. I also don't have a car and buses never go by neighborhood. Therefore, I walked everywhere. Former classmates and even current high school students would drive by me and I get the feeling that they are thinking to themselves "It's that guy from high school. He used to be so big and ...

GOD UNDERSTANDS AND CARES! THERE IS HOPE!

YOU ALL NEED TO HEAR THIS FROM ME.

You see I have suffered with depression almost all my life and I am on medication, an antidepressant, and it is working, but ever so often I get the blahs. But people I want to tell you all that GOD, YOUR MAKER CARES ABOUT ALL OF YOU! I know it does not always feel like He does care, but He really does. I have suffered so much tribulation: health problems, mental problems, financial problems, a lot of things, but I am alive today because of God! There were times I wanted to call it quits and end my life, but I kept believing that God must care for those whom He has created and He must love those whom He created, and especially those who turn their lives over to His care, and I had. In my deepest darkeness I would cry out to God and remind Him that He had made me and I am seeking Him and I am trusting Him with all my heart. And how He has come through for me!

But people you first have to believe that there is a God who made you, heaven and earth, and all that is in it and out of it and that HE CARES FOR YOU. Yes the world is messed up, people are hurting and sometimes we may feel such hopelessness. but God does care. Turn to God with your problems, burdens, despair, depression, addictions, loneliness, fears and all, and He will make a way for you in His time and in His way but will give you peace right now. In the Good Book, which is the Bible, God says that when you seek Him, you will find Him when you seek Him with ...

revenge

I have work for three year at a job i loved. A friend at the time was looking for work so I highly recomenned her for a job she quickly started bad mouthing me to other employe's and I stopped speaking to her last week i thought it was my friend pat at the computor and i took my order book and tapped her lightly and said hey i'm out of here for the day. To my shock it was my former friend I was so sorry I thought you were someonelse please forgive me. The next day she filed a suit with the company and i lost my job.I am still in shock. why would someone do this to a single mom with children.

Ummm isn't a story actually

just wanted to cheer up everyone in there, and I wanted to tell u, life isn't as bad as it seems, and for those who are feelin like nerds and unattractive ppl in their own place, I'm gonna tell u just one thing : U ARE ATTRACTIVE, and I LIKE U, if nobody else does, then I do, and if nobody else cares, I do, cause you are one of the kind, you guys all gonna get over it, and I wish you all good luck.
if u don't feel very well in ur own skin, then feel better in others', just don't keep ur sufferings for urself, tell other ppl about it, else you're gonna explode bigtime ;)
I'm one who survived through a lot of things and I keep fighting for the best of myself, weither you're 15, 18, 25, 40 or even 8, you should keep fighting, Life wouldn't have been as good as it is right now if it wasn't cause of the problems it has, so keep fighting, forever strong, never give up, cause if you do, Life's gonna beat you, do u really want a bitch to beat you ? get your asses together, and Go kick some ass
Trust all of u, cheer up, wish u gd luck and gd fortune

sick of it

Here I am, forty something, second marriage, two kids. (the only good thing about my life is my two boys, 9 and 13)

My hubby refuses to have sex with me, refuses to get operation so he can have sex again, but yet he cybers with other women.

He insists that I stay home, then bitches because I can't seem to do it all and help support the family financially.

He clutters the house and yard, then bitches about it.

I cannot shop for my own groceries, yet he goes to the grocery store everyday buying things no one will eat but him.

Our well, is not that great, I can't do laundry at home, and then I have to wait on him to give me money to do the laundry, but he never gives me enough for the supplies, gas, and actually doing the laundry, so I have started "stealing" from his wallet so I have enough. He waits until we have no clothes left to wear and the laundry is spilling over, so he can bitch about it.

He came home today due to a delay, and started taking over what I was doing, then started bitching.

I asked Why did you come home, just to bitch? and he said I came home to do whatever the fuck I wanted to do.

I am so sick of this life of mine, everyone bitches at me, hates me.

I feel like the only reason I am here is to clean and be a maid. And they do everything in thier power to make it impossible to even be good at that.

room almost clean, great lets invite someone over so we have to pile it all in the closet again!

I wish I could get a job and leave and still have my boys with me.

I guess everybody has that fantasy of meeting their lifetime lover or fated one. I've been hoping for that person all my life, but I guess I'll never find them at this rate. Nobody would want me anyway. I'm lazy and have numerous bad habits. I'm disorganized, a real ditz, clumsy, and messy in general. I can't handle all these things I'm supposed to take care of and I absolutely loathe housework. I mean, people have told me I'm pretty, but my personality is a total disaster and guys would never want a lazy girl. After all, why would any guy in his right mind want some awkward girl who never wants to clean the house or do work? I feel like I have to hide my true disgusting nature in public, and nobody knows how messy and lazy I really am. So, even if I did manage to have some guy interested in me by some freak chance, I would definitely ruin it if we lived together. Also, my own mother told me that I would never get married. She was joking, but...I'm honestly a little doubtful right now.

Haha, I guess this doesn't really count as my life sucking, does it? Oh well. I just kind of wanted to write that. This website is almost like a collecion of diary entries.

Why does it all fall apart so fast?

It sucks because I suck - life itself is probably fine, but I couldn't comment really as I have fucked up everything I ever touched. I ruined my education despite being months away from completing grad school 9 months ago. Since then I can't get a job, in massive debt from college, tried to kill myself 6 times and ended up committed, got out, still can't get a job, have to leave my apartment and move to an even crappier one room place cos of no $, even my cat and dog are fucked up and its my fault. The idea of still being here in a month even is too much. When you are doing ok, life holds you up, when you lose it and fall down its just down down down from there on in and so its weak? But I am sick and tired of trying now.