| | Posted by Kevin at April 8, 2010 |
why my life sucks....
alright,when i was about 12 years old i found out i'm gay. Junior high and high school was a nightmare, the kids were laughing at me because of that. At the age of 17 the principal called my folks cos a teacher caught me with my bf smoking weed and kissing in the toilets. So my dad threw me out of the house(havent seen him after that, im 22 now). No graduation, no college. I moved to a bigger city and worked as a waiter in bars for one year and as a barman in clubs the following year. All the guys i met by that time were as----es, just had fun with me and then left. So i decided that sex is not pleasure but just a way to make money, and since the salary in a club is not enough, i moved to a bigger city and managed to work for a gay-porn company. I worked for them for 2 years and meanwhile worked as a barman occasionaly. And after that a psychological breakdown came, when i realised my life so far. Had to quit drugs and therefore i started eating as a horse and drinking more and more alcohol. Today, i dont believe in people anymore, i dont believe in love, i totally gave up on everything, alcohol and food plus quiting the gym a long time ago, began to make me look fat, i work in a small bookshop just to make a living, its a job i hate. All alone, dissapointed with my past and expecting nothing from my future. Hmmm, my future.... It could have been brilliant, but on Sunday i turn 23 and i feel like 73 already. i destroyed my psychology and my looks with my so far lifestyle. The few people that once loved me R not part of my life anymore.... That's it, my life officially sucks. |
| | Posted by Life sucks, eh? at April 5, 2010 |
Had a good life once until high school - all down hill from there. My best mates started spreading rumors about me behind my back and then started to ditch me at recess and lunch. Made a new friend but he went off to Lebanon to visit family for 6 months, so there I was, alone in high school. I used to pretend I was going to the toilet so people didn't think I was a loner.
I was at an age where teenage boys were discovering girls, well I wasn't, no, I was discovering boys. Alone and gay can pretty much sum up my life.
I have a few friends these days but they ae preoccupied by their girl friends which I do not resent at all because they accepted me for being gay but still I feel alone. I need someone in my shoes, someone I can relate to. I think about what my future holds and it scares me, I would love to have a wife and kids but that can't happen for obvious reasons.
I would feel a lot better if the world was more open to gay people but allas they world stil won't accept me.
I'm 19 so have another good 60 years of my life to go according to the Australian average life span stats. What am I going to do with all that time? Am I going to waste it because I hold back and can't take anishitive ( can't even spell ) I'm to much of a pussy to act out my hopes and dreams.
Life..... |
| | Posted by anonymous at February 16, 2010 |
I've been in placment since i was five years old. I was abused when i was four years old. my life was messed up by dss. i could have gotten adopted but i was placed in treatment facilities. i am gay people make fun of me. to the point i want to commit suicide. |
| | Posted by anonymous at January 3, 2010 |
I started realizing I was not normal sexually in junior high especially, my thoughts and compulsive fantasies were private and harmless. I started catching on that it was normal for boys my age (and even younger) to be really into cleavage and boobs and get turned on by stuff like that but I never did I thought that everyone was faking because I felt normal, just not interested at all. I even tried to watch as much soft core porn as I could trying to stimulate myself but nothing.
When the lines between gay and straight were drawn, I did not have my answer because I knew I always liked girls and was nervous around them. I knew I wasnt gay because I dont get off on men. I was more than convinced I was not gay, but liked girls. But normal turn ons like nudity just never got me going. I always knew that keeping my fetishes was a good idea to keep secret even when I was young, but can you imagine being the only one who gets turned on by the idea of women wearing ties, mixed with BDSM? Its hard to stay sane when what I was born with the kind of desires that 99% of people dont share. I couldnt chase girls because the typical hot girl would never truly get me horny. Ive had very few sexual experiences in my 23 years of age simply because I knew the reward was never coming. MY fetishes scare girls away. My guilt about being one of those true weirdos took over. I would explore my fetishes privately doing things no-one would be proud of.
The fact that I was never able to properly be satisfied sexually with another women has greatly shattered my life. a healthy 23 year old should have more to his name than this. They have held me back. And now especially in the last 6-8 months my sex drive is almost gone. The thought of being in a relationship went from making me excited to sad and depressed to feeling nothing at all.
I wouldn't wish my life on anyone so Im not having kids.
p.s. Im numb now. I cant stay bitter anymore. |
| | Posted by anonymous at September 4, 2009 |
last year i got caught in school giving my boyfriend head
and a student caught us
and now EVERY ONE knows and everyone thinks im a slut
i dont like showing my face in school. and i dont know how to deal with this.
i want to get over it but i cant. i know when people see me they turn and talk about me. and i know i shouldnt worry bout what everyone thinks but i just
dont want that reputation. |
| | Posted by anonymous at August 25, 2009 |
My father and mother are together and I have a roof over my head and three siblings. My dad cheats on my mother whenever he gets the chance and treats her like shit. She does nothing to defend herself so we don't either. My brothers are drug addicts since the age of twelve. My sister was raped by her five year old gangster boyfriend at the age of 16. Me well what can I say I was almost raped twice once by my bro and once by my uncle. I have been stalked and almost raped by strangers on the street. I was once beautiful and since these events I have made it my goal for no man to look at me with desire so I gained just enough about 30 lbs and am the ugliest girl now in my opinion that I have no friends. Even though I'm miserable im content with the fact that nothing like this will ever happen to me. |
|