i am beyond sick of doing nothing every damn day, im about to graduate from high school, im an 18 year old virgin with an addictive personality and im about to lose my license. i depend on my car to get to and from school and work so i feel when i lose it my life is going to grow into an even bigger shit hole then it already is. oh yeah, and did i mention i am addicted to marijuana, quite pathetic right. i know everyone says it is not addictive but i swear it is the only thing in my life i can't go without. like i smoke cigarettes occasionally and sometimes for weeks on end but i also have no problem not smoking them when needed and can go days without a cigarette without a care but when i can't smoke weed i shake, get massive anxiety, and just don't feel right. i drink and do other shit occasionally as-well and never feel the addictive properties i feel with marijuana.. i guess that is just because i have come so accustomed to smoking i can't seem to function without it. not to mention my best friend is a girl that without a doubt wanted my dick when we met but now we have just grown to friends and every time we chill i convince myself to not make a move as it would ruin our friendship, not to mention she fucks around so im pretty sure i don't want anything to do with her anyway it just eats away at me knowing i probably could.. i am the most pathetic person in my eyes and my major flaw is that i just can not accept the possibility of being shut down, i mean this in any sort of situation if i want to ask a question but feel the person i am asking may say no i usually don't ask in the first place solely because i cant fathom the possibility of declination. i know on paper my life doesn't sound so bad and i have my hole life ahead of me but i just feel nothing is ever going to change as it has always been the same. i always find myself reassuring myself oh everything will be alright once (insert some stupid future event such as job, car, college) but it never changes, everything is always the same. i guess i just need to man the fuck up and bring my self change, start hanging around with other people and get away from the fucked up people i currently call my friends. | |
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