|Posted by whatdoyoucare at September 29, 2010|
My childhood never happened as far as I'm concerned. Not because it sucked, at least it doesn't feel like it did. I don't remember it. I have not one fond memory from it, just little flashes here and there of faces...
I got addicted to drugs and now I'm insane. I see spiders crawling all over my walls, big hairy things.... My vision is obstructed by a tv static like overlay from my fried brain, and I have only nightmares when I go to sleep... Just to name a few. Nobody knows about this except for my counselor, whom could care less. I look high all the time, even though I never am anymore. Been clean for awhile now, don't remember how long. Hell I don't even remember what I had for dinner last night.
I want to get high, to escape from this... But I can't because I fucked up my body from all the chemicals. Heart doesn't work right, I had a heart attack a year ago. Enlarged prostate at age 20 and everytime I have alcohol it will help with my insanity, but it will leave me with chest pains and depression/ anxiety for 2 days after that is jut not worth the 45 minute drunk buzz.
To top it all off, I live on this shithole of a planet. That lacks any sort of humanity it once had, so I have to deal with assholes day in and day out that just make it all so much worse. I hate people, hate my siblings, hate god, hate everything for my own protection. If I was around people it would hurt me too much. So I spend my days alone, just existing...
|Posted by anonymous at September 28, 2010|
ok here it goes i found this blog for the obvious reason that i don't feel complete either not even close.
I live in a town that has no jobs people all over are scared and often feel alone because of no connection to a good resource for jobs or any one that does not suffer from deep apathy about themselves and there lives and the direction of their life.
with the government running a muck and the elite of this world planning things that aren't in our best interest, it has to be very difficult for anyone to see any hope in this world. because of this everyone hides in their own world feeling desperate and alone.
ever science i was a young child i have had it rough i started out with asthma attacks nearly every week my folks would have to carry me to the doc to get a shot, to stop the attack ok if that wasn't bad enough when i was 2 years old i began to have seizures for seemingly no reason at all It wasn't until my father started to do research on this that he was able to come up with any answers i was unable to get any help other than a shot every time it happened for a couple of years i was unable to get help for quite some time.
you have to understand this was the sixties they didn't have much scientific data on this at that time.
when we finally found out what it was that was effecting me i was 4 years old.
after years of testing and never finding any thing they finally found i had Epilepsy. now get this there answer was to give a 4 year old s...
|Posted by Ed at September 28, 2010|
I am 47 yrs.old and hated my whole life since day one. I have struggled threw high school with every subject, really never had a close friend to talk to. I have had many heartaches in life with relationships and always had dead end jobs that was a waste of time. I was never close to my family, I had many episodes of depression and anxiety and have been on many different types of medicines that only has given me side effects. Been hospitalized when i was in my twenties for depression, and have seen many psychiatrists and therapists without results. I have had many financial hardships in life since i did not know how to control my spending habits. Buying things gave me some sort of satisfaction or meaning. I am currently unemployed have resigned my previous employment due to lower back pain from heavy lifting on the job. My father who is 84 yrs.old has been helping me out financialy and i could never repay him back even if i had a good paying job. I am very tired of hearing christian people telling me to ask and pray to god for help. I have been threw a lot of physical pain from knee injuries from wrestling in high school. In 1978 i injured my left knee which required surgery. In 2004 I had two left knee operations with a left total knee replacement. In 2004, i had a car accident with a severe scalp avulsion in which required plastic reconstruction surgery. If i could only turn back the hands of time or given another chance in life, i would not waste my time thinking that, only if i could have done this to make my life worth living.
|Posted by anonymous at September 27, 2010|
I am a 22 year old dork. Just recently graduated college and still haven't gone to work.
I came from a rich college where students always had their sex, parties, drugs, and nightlife. But here I am, poor and couldn't be cool like them.
I have $22 left in my bank account. If spent, my life is done.
I'm left with my $650 computer. I sold all my things for money.
My parents are separated. Family is a complete disaster that you would never think of.
I've been single for 2 years now. I'm too poor to date women.
I've been a bum for 6 months now, mostly at home. No company would give me a job.
I am Catholic, but ever since, I turned backed my religion. It just doesn't help. It's a useless piece of shit. I am now an Atheist. And I find it cool.
I am a man full of potential. I am artistic, I am athletic, I can sing, I am naturally extroverted, but situations do not permit me any luck.
I just want to cry and end my fucking life.
Fuck Hollywood making celebrities too overly rich where wealth is unnecessary. Fuck the government. And to top it, Fuck religion.
|Posted by lost at September 27, 2010|
Hey, I feeling a bit down now, I feel trapped and helpless
I am over 30, my career is not going anyway, to improved on the situation that I took up a part University degree
Work and study is drowning me, my social life is practically zero due to this commitments
Met up with female class mate of mine just now to help out with my assignment submission. She actually rejected on love previous cauase she has a boyfriend a year ago. I told myself that that objective of the meeting is help clear my doubt of my assignment . That feeling of wanting her is there the whole time and it got worst when her boyfriend calls her up wish sweet dreams right in front of me, God, please send an lighting bolt and strike down the boyfriend!!!
In the end my mind was clouded, and couldn't understand any of the facts about assignment that she explained to me but still have to pretend that I am unaffected.
Now I am thinking I should distance myself from her completely, she is bad news to me cause contact with her makes me angry, sad and distracted. For many people, advise for this situation the age old phase "Be her friend it the mature thing to do".Being matured sure sucks a lot. Time sure did not heal anything
All this seems to raked up other disappointment in the faculty of love, here another one I had a year and half ago, this lady I we out with for about a month, everything seems to go well but 2 days after we slept together everything stop...
|Posted by MindlessRipoff at September 27, 2010|
I am 15 years old. I go to to school everyday and try my hardest but i always end up failing and getting bullied all the time, Im getting used to the suffering, I come home from school and what do I get? My mother drunk or out at the bar, I babysit my 7 year old brother, 13 year old brother ( who has tryed to kill me mutiple times) and 4 year old sister who gets whatever she wants, oh yeah did I mention my moms perverted boyfriend who raped me last year? I told my mother but she called me a liar and that I could never get a boyfriend because I'm too ugly. I have average grades Cs and Ds but I'm never good enough, right now I've got no friends , I don't really care about getting a boyfriend, all I really cared about is having someone that would listen but it's too late. I have zero self esteem, I have bulimia and a cutting addiction, I can't handle another day of this pain and suffering so it's my time to say goodbye!
|Posted by anonymous at September 27, 2010|
im eighteen and am seriously depressed i constantly think about killing myself as i have no self confidence with little friends and no girlfriend and therefore an abysmal sex life. it started just before my fourteenth birthday when my dad went to prison for raping my sister for over ten years because of which i obviously never waanted to see him again causing most of my family to ignore our existance. i am unable to find a job and we are squeezing by on my mums small wage i failed in education and became very quiet causing most of my friends to forget all about me and the friends i have left caonstantly leave me out of things and never reply to texts or phone calls. im too scared to consult a doctor with depression as my family need me as 'the man of the house' following my dads departure. i dont know what to do with myself anymore
|Posted by anonymous_polish_girl at September 26, 2010|
I hate my college. I want go to a different one but everyone tells me I should finish this one, and to suck it up.
No one is asking me what I want.
I had good grades all my life, I've been a great daughter and a loving child.
I lost a dear friend 'cause she ignored me completely when she turned adolescent. She hurt me bad right before that without even looking back. I was a really supportive friend for her in junior high and high-school.
I never kissed, I never had a boyfriend. Every time I loved anyone they were in a relationship (one just got married) or weren't interested in me. The only guys who were into me were always freaks.
Even to this day I wish I had seduced someone who was in a long-term relationship. I never found anyone who was better to my taste than my first high-school crush.
My mother left her highly paying job and set up her own company which is barely functioning and she doesn't have the spirit or energy to make it work better. My dad's a BIG looser and didn't step-up so my brother and I had it harder because of our mom's decision. None of them really know me or who I am even if we talk a lot - I mostly listen and entertain them with chat or small-talk.
The pressure I feel now made me think about suicide every other day in the past month.
|Posted by fml1005 at September 26, 2010|
First of all I emigrated from a different country, people hate me because Im an immigrant, they throw stones at me after school, they trip me and make fun of me all the time. Im 16 and I weigh 340pounds I tried to lose it ever since I remember. I dont eat sweets or fatty things, I go for a walk everyday ever since I remember and I just can't lose it. I never had a girlfriend and I feel like I'm never going to have one. I have shit grades at school and no prospects for my life. No friends, no money - my parents don't tell me but I see a disgust in their eyes. FML!
|Posted by S. at September 26, 2010|
Im 19 year old guy and im completely lost and hopeless, i dont see any future or hope in my life. Im strugling with my sexuality and i dont know what to do. I think about the future and i cry, i cant have any guy friends because they cant understands me because i like guys, i have to live in a lie all the time, i have never had a gf or a bf.
My soul is tearing apart slowly. i went to a foreign country last year to study and i was the only time i was happy, but even there i have issues with because i kept falling inlove with my guy friends and they knew it.
Now i came back to my country and everything got worse, the few friends i had are miles away from me and because my family spend alot of money in that trip now i cant go to college.
I met a few nice people later but they are gone now; they always leave because im fucking piece of shit.
I have no-one and nobody cares for me i WANT TO DIE so much i cant even type this right now because i feel like every fiber of my being its telling me to stop it. Ended already.
I wish i die; i tried so many things but nothing works, maybe i should just jump or put a bullet in my head. I dont Care anything now, and i know i wont go to hell because THIS IS HELL i want to be free, i want my soul to be free. Please...
|Posted by sillybilly at September 25, 2010|
Nothing's really the way I'd like it to be. I'm 16, studying at higschool, at the end of the week I feel exhausted from all the school work and my grades are average anyway. I could say I'm just an average anywhere, there is really nothing I am good at, there are things I suck at, like- sports and things I'm average at.
I've got few friends, really there is only one that I talk to the most and yet I got the feeling I have no friends at all. Noone really knows me. I'm not good at making new friends, I guess I'm too shy. People often get the wrong first impression of me, they think I'm weird and they don't want to be friendly with me. I myself think I'm a really boring person. I allways want to do something fun and interesting, but there is not a single chance to do stuff.
I spend most of my time at home by the pc, how misirable. I got low self-esteem. I got a physical defect called pectus excavatum, it's sunk in chest, only 2 people outside my family know about it.
I have never had any kind of relationship with a girl, seems like girls don't like me, I'm not attractive. I've been chatting on the internet with girls, failed most of the time, but I also found a girl that liked me, but we are falling apart already and nothing has happened yet. Internet is not the way I'd like to meet girls.
I'm in a bad economycal situation, I see others buying things they like, and I can't afford anything, that makes me so jellous. I don't know what am I going to do after t...
|Posted by the fat bitch at September 25, 2010|
Well, where do I begin ? Have you ever had the feeling of just simply wanting the world to swallow you up ? I have that about 95% of the day. School I'm doing okay good grades, get along well with most people. But my bestfriend has left me.! For her stupid fucking mongrel of a boyfriend. I barely ever see her now or if I do he's there so now I'm forced to hang around with who'll ever take me. I'm pretty-ish but obesely fat ! Nobody wants me. My mum has so much to deal with she forgets about me a lot and I'm only used as the 'need money or babysitter' kid. My dads an alcohol and doesn't care about anyone but himself. My life to you probably doesn't seem that bad but it is. I don't want to go unto detail here in fear of recognition but if I had a chance I'd change my life because for a 16 year old who doesn't stay with her parents who use her and has to put up with all the difficulties of a teenage life aswell as an adult one. Its pretty shitty
|Posted by Lily at September 25, 2010|
i knew all along that all i really need is to tell my story to someone - but i just didn't know how. at least i'll try.
unlike some people, my life didn't have a point when it just suddenly became real bad - it sucked all along. i was just too young to realize this before. i'm only going 15 now, and i guess most of you will probably be like: omg, she's too young to worry about things like that - her life isn't even that bad. and i guess you're right - i don't starve, i'm not getting raped by my father, and i have my own house. but i never said that my life is a total disaster - it's just really disappointing.
i was born in a small country called Lithuania - it's near Russia. i lived there for 10 years. my parents got a divorce when i was around 3 - before that every day was filled with scandals. i can remember them clearly, they had a huge impact on me. i'd say the main reason for my parents' fights was my mom's drinking problem & my dad's nerve problem. my grandma's bitchiness had it's role in it too.
ever since the divorce EVERYTHING went wrong. you see, my dad was building that huge useless house on the outskirts of the city, & to build it, we had to sell our old apartment & move in to my grandma's place, and then we had to sell my grandma's apartment as well! we had to loan quite a lot of money from my dad's friends & bank. after my parents got the divorce, they had to split the house into 2, & both of them had to pay a lot of taxes & bil...
|Posted by doesn't matter at September 25, 2010|
Whatever I do results are exactly opposite and negative If I do nothing then it won't happen, so I have to do something and pat comes the negative outcome. It is vicious circle in which I am trapped, I have no option to get rid of this life, It is indeed a SHIT SHIT & MORE SHIT for me.
|Posted by anonymous at September 25, 2010|
Please ignore the bad spelling, thank you. Im a 17 year old girl, authletic, blonde, nice, funny, sweet, caring, loves animals. Im beautiful!!! Butt when i look in the mirror i feel sooo ugly, inside and out. When i walk around at school i feel like everyones staring at me... im so uncomfertable in my skin i feel like i cant be myself, when i talk i feel like everyones judging me. Im really depressed, i feel like my heart has become hardend. I have a very atractive boyfriend who(im inlove with him) has cheated on me with 3 diffrent ladys, and always ignores me. :( Im still with him. My boyfriend is attending a comunity collage 30 mins away, one of the girls hes cheated on me with attend this collage :( this scares me very much. Everyday i feel useless, uncared about, used, UGLY. Prettymuch i feel dead. I feel so dead to everything. Everyday i sit, thinking of somthing i could change in my life to make myself happy. I barely find enything that can put a smile on my face enymore. im in a dark hole, thats only getting darker...
|Posted by B at September 25, 2010|
Since i started this thing called life I've been lied to saying you can be anything you want. it started with an iq test saying 149 from there i started to look hopeful on life. from there it started going down hill i never really had friends if i did they usually hated me then when i turned 15 my mom was diagnosed with cancer i ended up watching her die by watching her drown in her own blood from a broken blood clot it changed my world 3 years after being homeless for two months and re-situated myself started to think better on life getting a gf we got engaged and when the depression hit i lost my job two after being accepted to a top ten university which was my life's dream to get a doctorate degree . which in turn meant since i lived on my own since sixteen there was no where to turn to so i no longer had money to afford transportation to and from school about a week before that my fiancee broke up with me because i had no more money to give her which showed what that relation ship was about my time being jobless wiped out my finances so i now have no money no family slim chance at getting my education back till i find a good job again which seems impossible and like 3 friends of which are on border line of hating me the only thing that keeps me going is the false hope that something might change or go right and if one thing does like 10 others go wrong. and that's the very abridged version of my life with still half of it missing
|Posted by jhh at September 24, 2010|
I´m 34, pointless job, minimal pay, living with parents, who torture me with their stupidity every day, no bright future in sigt....
|Posted by tim at September 24, 2010|
i am 53 years old and i never remember a good year i was physically and emotionally abused as a child i was too upset to study so i flunked out of high school i was married 4 times and they all hate me even my present wife. i worked for a family business for 30 years and got tossed out on my ass. i owe money to about 50 people and i tried to find a job for 1 month now, without a single call back or interview .i cant keep living like this but im not suicidal so i cant escape from my misery on top of everything im probably bi polar .my car is a piece of shit with 190,000 miles and i stiil owe CHASE-- [you till death]9000 dollars my 19 year old was on herion .my 20 year old cant get enough money out of me my mother in law is waiting for me to die so her insurance policy kicks in i wish i could melt into this chair and disapear.fuck it all everything changes so ill keep on truckin
|Posted by anonymous at September 24, 2010|
ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO I LOST MY JOB DUE TO AN INJURY TO MY BACK I WORKED AS A CNA AT A NURSING HOME MONEY WAS GOOD WELL NOW I WORK ONE DAY A WEEK DOING FAST FOOD OVER AT CHECKERS HERE HOW IT GETS BAD I LOST MY HOUSE I LIVE WITH MY BRO ME MY GIRL AND MY FRIEND I PAY 350.00 A MONTH FOR A ROOM I PAY 311.00 ON A TRUCK PAYMENT AND I OWE AMSCOT 496.00 AND I BRING HOME ABOUT 50.00 A PAY CHECK I SUFFER WITH DEPERASION AND BEEN OFF MY MEDS NO MONEY TO SEE DOCTOR IN PAIN ALL THE TIME WITH A BROKEN TOOTH AND KNOW ONE WILL HELP ALL I GET IS FOOD STAMPS AND WHEN THERE GONE I AM F***ED I MISS MY JOB AND MY FRIENDS JUST WISH I COULD GO BACK I HAVE NO KIDS OR WIFE SO NO ONE WILL MISS ME IF I LEFT THIS EARTH I AM JUST TIRED OF ALL OF THE BS LIFE GIVES TO ME BE NICE TO GET A JOB BUT NOT HAPPENING FOR ME WHEN I WAS 17 I SLIT MY WRIST LOOKING BACK WISH I WOULD HAVE FINISHED THE JOB THERE IS NOTHING HERE FOR ME THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO READ MY STORY
|Posted by anonymous at September 24, 2010|
Technically I have a good life. I'm 16 and healthy. I'm intelligent and decent looking. I consider myself average. I get pimples, I mess up with chicks, I make mistakes, I trip and I fall like every other average person. On the surface I look just like anyone else you might know. I take pride in that. I think the same thoughts as the average person does. I worry about college, girls, life, death, love, and money. I am an amateur artist and musician. I have a dad and mom. I have a brother who's 14. I have two cats and a dog. I have friends of all types. I have clothes, food, books, and a laptop. My parents are even getting me a nice used car when I get my full license. I go to school and get decent grades. I love chemistry, statistics, and music. Pretty nice life. Except, I hate it.
I get depressed over the tiniest things. They set off this chain reaction of thoughts that get me feeling so bad I end up staring out windows or holding knives. I, for some reason, deeply loathe sex. I see my friends get upset over it. Guys break up with girls over it. Girls get hurt by it. Guys get hurt by it. It sucks, yet they do it anyway. They give in. I also hate fear and pain and life. People are born into lives that suck. Women have to sell their daughters off to brothels to feed the family. Parents rape children. People rape children. People rape. People kill and destroy if only because they can. It's not right, and I hate it. Thinking like that gets me into my bad state....