|Posted by Nick at June 3, 2012
well I started drinking and got into a verbal altercation with my brother in front of a family of 4 who were our guests at the time. i screamed at some guy across the street "what the fuck are you looking at bitch" from inside my living room he could hear me yelling. it's going to make it harder to go outside, just another mess up I can add onto laying in my own vomite while drunk, and being absolutely stark raving mad and behaving like a manisac for YEARS. I screamed at my mom about "THE HELL YOU GAVE ME" referring to my life and I left and hitchicked just to have to call mommy and ask her to pick me up the next day (today). now I'm going to quit the paper route. I finally agreed to try SSRI's. I'm stuck, I am a freak and a village idiot and I have severe depression and social anxiety. O and what started my anger build up this week was my brother who has nothing better to do than verbally abuse me whenever he feels like calling me a few choice words a few times each in the span of like 30 seconds.
|Posted by Brian at May 9, 2012
I work as a Paramedic on 24 hour shifts out of a station, like a fire department does. We used to have regular partners until we dropped one of our positions, and now we sort of rotate who we work with. My regular partner, we'll call him Jake, is basically who I think of as my 'best friend'.
Well, we have a lady who works here who's dumb as a rock and has some very irritating character traits. I've been partnered with her for several shifts now. Jake is with someone else and they keep doing the things we used to do together during our free time, like going to have coffee, going to dinner with Jake's wife, etc...and I don't get to go.
I asked him what he was doing for dinner tonight and tried to suggest we all put in for a shift dinner. He said that he and Megan were going to dinner with his wife, and that "I wasnt invited". He didn't seem very serious, but it wasn't quite all joking either.
I don't socialize very much outside of work. I go to college, but I don't know anybody there, and I can't really seem to make any friends...I've never really fit in anywhere. So to come to work here and have people who like me being around, who I have a good time with...it was like finally having real friends. But then this happens, and all the problems that I thought were gone come right back to haunt me.
I try to tell myself that he was just teasing me because I'm partnered with the annoying lady. But then, I can't help feeling that a real friend w...
|Posted by PW at April 30, 2012
I need to do something here. I feel afraid to leave the house most days, seems like all I want to do is sit around and smoke pot. I have been chronic for more than ten years now, and I want to stop but can't seem to help myself, I feel like I turn into a maniac when I feel the need for weed, like no matter what I do life will always be nothing but duty. Up until now I have managed to keep rent paid, but work has dried up and I can't motivate myself to look anyway. I know I could get work but the fear of the whole process leaves me panicking before I even start. And, of course, reaching for my pipe. I feel ashamed of getting high, and getting high is the only way to avoid the shame. I have made it to 41 now, but I feel the same as I did as a kid; scared, lonely, and unloved. And as I get older, now I am married with a 7 year old boy, I feel the constant weight of responsibilities that I don't feel capable of dealing with. And what's the world's response to me? Same as always. "Suck it up." I hate this world sometimes.
|Posted by tanya at April 29, 2012
since i was young,i have been seeing people from my family,school,friend circle,neighbors just hurting my feelings in different ways.it has been so many years of my life and it hasnt changed at all.i am 27 now.i have finally decided to live life in my own terms,i completely cut ties with society.i dont talk about myself to anybody other than my best friend and my mom.i am single and have been hurt by men many times in my life.all of my boyfriends left me for another women.sometimes it seems that guys always meet the best women after dating me.my life sucks.i dont mix with anybody,i dont have any friends.i just work and come back home.i dont live with my parents-thanks God-bcoz i want to be independent .i hope i can live this life like a loner and be the person i want to be without getting hurt by anybody,whether my boyfriends,friends,parents,siblings,or anybody.i want to be somebody but i dont want to be with anybody anymore.i am happy being single and on my own,but to some people it might seem that my life is not a life.thats why i posted
|Posted by anonymous at April 26, 2012
My life sucks. In perspective of everything else, it is a pretty good life, but I can't help but feel sad and depressed. You feel what you feel I guess. There's no stopping it. Any advice will help. Please be considerate.
So it goes like this. It's a relationship that never happened. I don't know if many people have this sort of problem, but I am heartbroken over something that was never there. We met at the beginning of my senior year, officially. I had always known him because he's star of the school (captain of soccer team, president of the student body, lead in the school play). He is certainly impressive, and I had always wanted to get to know him but never had the chance. It didn't use to bother me much. But suddenly, at the beginning of this year, I could tell he was impressed by my academics. And he wanted to get to know me better. Everyone loved him. But he wanted to talk to me! It was a fairytale. I've made a couple of moves to try to talk to him, and he reciprocated.
That's the problem.
When he tries to talk to me, I freeze and panic. I can't seem to think of anything. He would stand next to me and smile, but he never initiates the conversation. I wish he was more blunt, but that's not his personality. He would just stand there and watch me. He stares at me in the hallways until it gets awkward. The reason I don't talk to him is that I think he'll realize that I'm not as cool of a person as he THOUGHT I was. Then I'll ruin the fair...
|Posted by anonymous at April 22, 2012
I guess this is the part where I tell everyone how shitty my life appears to be in some ways. The truth is, I know how to fix them but it's like an ongoing record. I think too much. I wish there were some things I hadn't discovered, that way I could've stayed naive; like the rest of the world.
A couple of years ago I discovered The Law of Attraction or The Secret, per say. Of course, at first glimpse, you're thinking... this is complete bullshit. At the time I was like every other kid my age; young and dumb and full of cum but I didn't know any better. I was heavy into pot, I tried every other drug in the book just because I had the chance to and I grew up in a very dysfunctional yet mediocre family, if that makes sense. When you're told that your thoughts and feelings create your life, you feel like you have to actually monitor what you're thinking about all the time. Essentially, what you're thinking about creates how you feel. If you're thinking the situation you're in right now sucks, you're not going to feel very good and vice-versa. So when you think about it, it makes sense. The hard part is actually being proactive. Monitoring how you think is not easy... why? It's usually the situations in front of us that tend to hinder us from actually thinking before we do... make sense? Meaning, we can't control the circumstances that happen to us but we CAN control how we react to them. So in reality, it's really not only monitoring your thoughts but actually moni...
|Posted by jj at April 20, 2012
I live in a fantasy world. My life currently involves sleeping and playing video games. I developed severe social anxiety when I was 13 (now mid 20's) and effectively have lost the will to live at this point. I live with my mother, no job, no friends, not even a license. I am chronically ashamed of my life and do everything I can to hide it. My biggest fear is being unoccupied; to let my mind remain idle is the scariest experience relative to the world I live in (let alone the real world, outside, that is something I haven't experienced in years). I have a deep inferiority complex that's hidden beneath a superiority complex that I can barley maintain. My personality is defined by my pathologies; my own identity alludes me; I disassociate from myself due to this crippling guilt that pervades every aspect of my pathetic little life. I cry myself to sleep every night. I am sadistic towards myself and hate myself at so many levels; I hate myself for hating myself because the reasons for hating myself are values that I cannot seem to shake which produces this cognitive dissonance which just causes even further frustration. Denial is my best friend. I don't even know who I am anymore, I feel like I live in a dream and would dearly like this dream to end but I'm too much of a coward go do it myself.
|Posted by anonymous at April 19, 2012
Need to get this out,
When I enlisted a few years ago, I never figured on being lonely due to constantly being around people. Truth is, everyday is a fight not to find some secluded spot and rip my eyes out for no reason other than I hate what I am. I never feel close to humans. I do not know how or why, but I just cannot bond with them. I lead a small group of five junior enlisted that look up to me for advice in the workplace and in life. I can recite processes and tasks with ease. I can teach the dumbest private anything he wishes to learn. However I cant fucking have a conversation that doesn't end in an awkward silence. Or carry on a "friendship" for longer than a week. That's just in the friendship aspect of life, you should see my sex life! I use women. Hands down, no lies, wolf in mother-fucking sheep's clothing. It's a stage performance every-time I go out. Converse, find weaknesses, capitalize, do the deed, and run. Run because I know I can never give them what they need. What am I going to do when they want some one to confide in, some one to trust with there emotions. Stare at them blankly and tell them I don't understand because I've never had that emotion?
My father is also quite the sociopath and tried to explain to me that if you "fake it" for long enough you just turn into that role. You are created based on the character you choose. If it were only that easy, I wish. I will not commit to suicide nor do I feel like going postal. I just wish I could understand myself better, thus allowing me to change this thing that I am. This empty case of a human being I have become.
Thanks for reading.
|Posted by Female20 at April 19, 2012
Have you ever realised that you don't know one person who you could tell anything to?
I don't form strong friendships, because I can't, even if I really care about someone, I don't call or text unless It's to go out or to a club, because I don't think anyone would want to bother with me.
The second I sleep with a guy, I go cold and want to see them less, and have been accused of using an ex boyfriend for sex.
I find it so hard to connect with people, even those I know I can trust just because If I tell them about my past i know the majority of people wouldn't and don't understand.
Girls don't bother to try and get too close, guys do then I end the relationships (for good reasons) and its just me.
But I'm all smiles and make up and 'healthy' so no one sees it.
I feel into depression from when I was 16 to 19 years old, and almost ended it all.I'm scared If i keep feeling this isolated it will all come back.
Anyway, thanks for hearing my sob story, have a nice day.
|Posted by anonymous at April 18, 2012
I'm a 37 year old Asian Canadian man who lived from ages 2 to 14 in Canada but went back to Asia at 14, and then went back to Canada for university at 17, and then went back to Asian after graduation. English is my native language but people treat me like I can't speak English and try to correct my English, or talk really loud and slow to me, or listen to me with a patronizing look of pity as if I'm retarded. I can't speak the language of my parents well and I don't want to improve; it doesn't seem worth it. I'd rather be lower middle class in Canada than a millionaire in Asia. People in Asia think I'm mentally retarded or a sellout. I feel my mind is being ripped apart whenever someone makes wrong assumptions about me. I'm a nerd and hate being a nerd. I have short legs and long arms and a big head. Although I've been lifting weights for seven years and can squat 225 and deadlift 315, I'm still short and skinny. When I go to a new gym people assume I'm a beginner who can't use the free weights without getting hurt. I've never had a girlfriend, and never had a real friend. Most of the people who I thought were my friends had just been using me for money or as a "last resort" person to hang out with because no-one else was available. I don't have social skills and I get so nervous when I talk to people. In my 20s I had sex with prostitutes whenever i had money. I stopped going to prostitutes at age 30, but in the last year I paid for sex with girls (non pros) I met online. I did that about 8 times. I worked as a translator and editor for 10 years (7 of those years from home) making a crap wage. I live with my evil, stupid, backward parents who abused me when I was young. On the bright side, I'm trying to start an online business. Hopefully my business is successful and I will have the time to improve my body and social skills and finally make some friends.
|Posted by Old at April 18, 2012
So, I turned 30 not to long ago and I feel like a complete failure in life. I never had a girlfriend and I haven't in years because I have an extreme case of social anxiety. I did graduate college but with a worthless degree and worked a little bit for a year then my dad got sick and i had to take care of him for several years and during that time i was in my early 20s and i could not work because i had to take care of him. I couldn't ask any girl out on dates and they all would talk about how they wanted a boyfriend but just not me. For several years I never really complained about my life to anyone and kept things to myself except i had to take some anti depressants i got from a doctor to help get me through the day. I guess later on i had even more stress that my mom got sick too and so i dunno i don't get much help from anyone. my brother drops by sometimes and always says he will help and sometimes his wife would give me that loser look but they never do anything in terms of support. well recently my parent have been a little healthier to take care of themselves. so i guess now i am somewhat free to look for a job again but it's been so many years since i worked and I feel pathetic with no skills. I guess even a typical 18 or 19 year old would have more job experience than me. I really hate my life and I guess im just hear to vent . I really need to get over my social anxiety but i really get no support my parents pretty much even when their sick they call me an idiot and pathetic even though i sacrifice my youth for them. I really don't know what to do anymore and i am old now so the world is scary to me . I wish i was younger but you know it is what is and I guess i have to make the most of it. Anyways, I just wanted to vent and all and thank you everyone for reading.
|Posted by anonymous at April 15, 2012
I quit my job two years ago to become a freelancer and part-time traveller. I have travelled to more than 15 countries by myself in the past year and have the best fun ever, and intend to continue doing so.
I must say my life sucked before I made this change. I had some good friends, but every day was the same, job was not satisfying, pay was poor, and my bosses were awful. Then I suffered from an illness due to all this stress and it took me more than a year to recover.
But now I am fine. I know what I can and can not do. And not many people can understand my lifestyle, including my friends. That's why I have lost touch with many of them over the years. I must say I have not missed my friends or acquaintances at all. It's like, I am more than happy to become no longer associated with the past 20 years of my life, because I have never felt truly at peace or happy with them.
But what pained me is that once in a while I did have to deal with them or socialise with these strangers, and had to pretend I have fun. Last night I had to celebrate someone's birthday with all these middle-class people who assume I am rich because I am going to Europe for three months (heard of couch surfing, people?)
Anyway, I told my friend not to go to an expensive restaurant but against my wish, we did. I ended up having to pay like 80 euros for the meal. What a nasty surprise, when my one-way ticket to Russia is less than 190 euros (incl tax)!
It's one of these moments that made me realise I don't like or need casual friends at home. They've done nothing for me intellectually and I'd rather be alone than having shallow discussions with those who cannot identify with me. What's worse is I have to pay a fortune for this. completely outrageous! It's just the most stupid thing that happened to me.
Maybe you think my life sucks, but hey who needs friends when you can just do your own thing unperturbed?
|Posted by Hans at April 14, 2012
Since the end of high school, i noticed i no longer hang with my groups..my ideologies have changed, i start to see life for what it is..and i started drifting away from my friends..a few years have gone by i see how different it is..i have made new friends...or so i thought..but it was a matter of time before i disliked their behavious and attitudes..
behaviours like...everyone sharing an opinion and having a healthy debate but as soon as i mention my 2 cents worth, i get shot down like no tomorrow and the personal attacks flow like crazy..slowly the whole group turned against me..i no longer see these people because they are NOT "friends", a few of them i thought were close to me but i was wrong...
there are people in my life as aquaintences...no nobody i hold close.. i always build people up and try to bring their best out of them so they can succeed and be better for this world..at work i have trained a few people and helped them become great assets to the team..after the become confident, they forget who was there with them all the way, i am not after recognition, i just want that human gratitude, friendship..the body language even..
i feel as though i am my own enemy in that maybe i havent built a strong persona for myself? but why should i need to when i am a nice guy, with strong ideologies and self respect. i dont drink, nor smoke..i used to play soccer regularly but i suffer from shin splints and no longer play..i love helping people, ...
|Posted by Desperate and need advice at April 14, 2012
So heres the story, to a lot of people I come across as confident succesful. But the deep truth is I am not. I work all the time like crazy 12 to 18 hours a day so I don't have to be in my own company. I have no hobbies, no friends and am so insecure that I drive everyone away including my family.
I really don't know what the problem is but any minute I get to myself I imagine hanging myself with a rope. I want to love and be loved I think I have a lot to offer but I always chase them away when it comes to commitment. I have been lucky enough to have some great girls in my life actually three but I chase them away when it gets too serious. I close people out of my life very quickly if someone has done wrong by me, my pride or ego gets in the way and I don't talk to them, even if it's a slight wrong, it's like I have the inability to forgive and expect people to be perfect, and I know humans are imperfect,
I come home to an empty home empty bed and then just cry to myself have crazy images of hanging myself, overdosing, just ending it. And then I wake up go to work and pretend to be happy, everyone comes to me for advice at work and I seem to be able to offer everyone logical helpful wise advice but I can't even give myself advice and even when I do I go back into my sad lonely state
Financially I have become reasonably successful not superrich but I have missed 20 years of living and just worked 3 times as hard as any normal person, when people...
|Posted by loser guy at April 13, 2012
I'm 24 am i've never had any girlfriend in my entire life..i struggle in my education..all my friends have graduated and have decent job while i'm still living on my parent's money..my parents sacrifice everything for my education but yet i'm still stuck in college..and I come from a poor family..i hate my life,myself and i feel as if i don't have any purpose in this world..people make fun of me as i don't have any girlfriend even a female girlfriend. Plus people hate to be around me as i'm not fun, stupid and depressed.I have severe social anxiety problems and its getting worse every day up to the limit where i don't think i should live in this world...i cannot speak in public, even have a decent conversation with a girl...i,ve tried many ebooks on cd on how to be confident, happy but none has worked so far...i'm a loser and will always be...i feel depressed since 5 years ago and the only solution i can think of is by committing suicide..maybe the world will be a happy place without me...
sorry for my crappy english
|Posted by n0th1ng at April 10, 2012
I feel as if there is some sort of metaphysical wall between myself and others. I can't connect to other human beings. I constantly feel loneliness, alienation, detachment. It hurts, it hurts so bad sometimes - like tonight - that I can scarcely control the small sobs and tears from escaping.
|Posted by anonymous at April 3, 2012
i used to have debilitating social anxiety resulting in depression. for years i was afraid to answer my cell phone, leave my house, or make eye contact with anyone. i felt guilty for hating my life since it wasn't that bad. but i sought help and overcame it. i haven't been depressed in two years. in fact, i've been quite happy. i thought my life was finally moving in the right direction.
then i was diagnosed with tb. it's nothing serious. i'll get better. but for the past month and a half i've been under quarantine and being in the same fucking apartment every day for six weeks straight, not even having the option of leaving is starting to get to me. all the same familiar symptoms and starting to reappear, and i fear i'm headed exactly where i used to be. depressed, pathetic, and lonely. i know i don't have any friends (which is my own fault for being so damn unsocial), which has only been confirmed by two or three people checking in on me since i've been sick (all of whom completely forgot i was sick once they realized i had a contagious disease that could possibly put them at risk. essentially, screw you, what about me?). my parents love me, but they are on the other side of the country and can't visit me because i'm in quarantine. i feel terribly alone and i don't have anyone to blame but myself for being such a shitty friend. i feel guilty for having to disappear from work for what will probably be months, making all my coworkers take on extra shifts for me i...
|Posted by anonymous at April 1, 2012
Where do i even start??...umm im 23 yrs old...i think i have social anxiety disorder maybee deprsion or i dont even know whats wrong w mee....i have never been diagnosed and i have never talked about it to anyone because im afraid of people thinking im crazy or they might think im weird or laugh at me.....IM NOT CRAZYY......i know im not crazyy i jst know there is something wrong with mee and i cant help it and i jst want it to stop!......if someone tells me something slightly mean i get super upset for the rest of the day....makes me feel like no one loves me or understands mee....like im worthless ugly fat...i have the lowest self asteem ..i fell like i cant achive any goals beacause im not smart enough....i try to avoid working because i feel that no one would want to hire someone like me ond or im afraid of failing.....i dont go to school for the same reason..i enrolled in college but quit because it seemed to hard for mee and gave a dumb excuse that it wast for me and i was still gonna think about what i wanted to do with my life when in fact i dont know what im gonna do with my life...tomorrow will be a year that i got married...and i have a 8 month old baby that i love with all my heart hes my world! but it kills mee inside that i dont see a point to my life.....ive always felt like it would be best for every one and it would jst solve everything if i jst died...eveyone would be much happier but now that im a mom it makes me more depressed that i still feel this w...
|Posted by jon at March 31, 2012
Sorry I'm introverted. I can't help that. I hate talking to people, yet I have this longing to make friends. But I can't. I can't simply muster up the courage to talk to people. Everyday I tell myself I'll talk to one person in one of my college classes, but I never do. I'm over weight and I know that. I'm trying to lose it but it never seems to go away. When I feel sad and alone I usually turn to food. Trying to quit doing that though and so far it's working, but now I have this void in my life I feel needs to be filled. My roommate is a coddled child who thinks money grows on trees. His parents never taught him any responsibility or the value of a dollar. He constantly calls me a bitch and a pussy to my face but I never retaliate. I can hear the things he says to his friends about me, he doesn't know. We used to be cool until I told him what I really thought about him and he tells me I'm jealous of his friends because I have none. In a way he's true. I wish I could be extraverted, but I'm not. I can't help who I am, or the way I think. Somedays I really think, if I offed myself in my room how long would it take for them to notice? But I can only wish...
|Posted by Blake at March 29, 2012
im 30, have a degree,live with my dad and brother. but i work for my mom. she nags the shit outta me. so i hate my job. i dont have a girlfriend because im socially awkward and have not had intercourse in 3 years, only messing around. my brother has downsyndrome and even though i love him i am so embarrassed to take him anywhere because people stare at him like he is from outer space. i feel like crap, i always fuck up my friendships, so im always bored. i smoke weed everyday and i think it helps but it im getting tired of spending money on it. girls ignore me. my friend always tells me "girls can tell you dont get pussy". sometimes i just think life is not worth it and i want to die and not deal with this low self esteem bullshit.