|Posted by WTF at June 5, 2012|
last age i remember was about 13 or so.. always depressed, impending doom was always on my mind,
13-17 i dug myself into video games, never leaving my dark room.
18-21 drinking myself retarded, managed to get a numerous arrests for drunk in public, a DUI and domestic violence with an ex.
21-25 still drinking, only now the effects of long term alcohol abuse are pretty
obvious. still depressed, thoughts of impending doom are way more apparent than
ever. life itself is meaningless and void of any thought of well being. i start
to question any worth in continuing to live a life like this.
|Posted by anonymous at May 15, 2012|
For as long as I can remember I never really fit in with any sort of group, always seemed to be the odd one out. I had different interests and I went through grade school to high school surrounding myself with groups of people who never really understood me. The only thing that seemed to give me pleasure and attention was the fact that I was sort of reckless and dangerous behavior became normal for me. I'm so self conscious, I felt giving myself this sort of outlook would help me gain confidence. Alchohol and marijuana became a huge part of my life during my last three years in high school, after graduating my behavior became a problem and I had been arrested numerous times for drug distribution, possession and drunk driving. I'm so caught up in fines and lawyer fees that I've caught myself being an accessory to burglary. I keep saying i need to change the way I am but every time I say no more, the next thing I know I'm sitting in a police station. I stopped surrounding myself with the people I hang out with and am more lonely than ever; Im 20 and have nothing to show for my actions except a court date and a serious alcohol problem. Tonight I will attend my first AA meeting. My family always supports me and I never grew up with a horrible background, it makes me wonder why I am the way I am. Self consciousness has probably played more of a role in this than I realize. Im also an artist and hope to get into the tattoo business, I have a few horrible tattoos that also drive me crazy but that's the least of my problems right now. I'm just waiting for this chapter of my life to be over. Waiting.
|Posted by anonymous at May 13, 2012|
I am 26 years old now. It has been a while now since my heart has been finished being scarred over. I have had bad depression my whole life except when I was too young to remember. In baby photos I looked very happy. By the time high school hit, I was having crying/emotional pain spells when I got home from school and was sitting in my room. I had frequent thoughts of suicide. All of these emotions went undetected by my family. My father was/ is a workaholic and an alcoholic. He drinks around 5 beers everyday and has always maintained that he is ‘moderating’, even though his alcohol addiction has caused an enormous amount of destruction, pain, and suffering to everyone around him. His own first born son, (me) being hit the hardest out of everyone. He has never noticed anything going on with me; he doesn’t even act like he cares. He has a successful business that he has buried himself into his whole life; and he tries to ‘help’ me from time to time by giving me money or possessions like vehicles. The purpose of this behavior is to attempt to make himself feel better for never being there. As for my Mom, she has been an emotional zombie for the past 15 years or so due to taking anti-depressant pills, so she could never feel or understand my pain. She started taking these due to my Father’s complete lack of love for her or anyone else in the family. She is the religious type that would never divorce.
Sometime in middle school, I acquired body-dysmorphic dis...
|Posted by Monkey at April 14, 2012|
For as long as I can remember, any person who I've trusted has pooed on me from a great height. I've just lost my job from people back stabbing and lying, after attempting to return to work after a long time on the sick. I'm autistic, have bipolar disorder, and am trying to be a recovering alcoholic, as opposed to a practicing one. I feel used and degraded, and can't imagine being able to face another person again.
I see things that aren't there, my moods swing up and down regardless of medication. I have no concept if a person is lying to me, or what they're feeling at all. I get as much out of a physical conversation than I do out of a text based one. Apparently I'm easy to manipulate, as I'd never see it coming. Somehow this is my fault, according to those who have. Like being autistic means that people have a right to exploit your weaknesses in social interaction.
I fixed my agoraphobia by getting a dog that requires exercise outwith the house, so my love for her forces me out. I say fixed, I doubt it will ever be fixed. It's always there, I go through phases where it is easier or harder to leave the house, but it's never okay. We walk the fields in the dead of night where we will encounter no-one whenever I am able to. I am not lonely. I do not want people anywhere near me. I want them all to go away. They can't be trusted. They're evil. They're all out to get me.
|Posted by sick and tired at April 10, 2012|
I'm sick and tired of dealing with alcoholics. My husband is a drunk, and so is my oldest friend. Both of them get attitudes when they drink and give me attitude. I just want to tell them both to f***off. Why does anyone think other people should have to put up with their drinking? My husband is a pretty good man otherwise and my friend is pretty good friend....when they aren't drunk, which isn't often. My friend starts repeating herself and tells the same damn stories over and over. I try to make plans with her, like when she gets off work, before she's had a chance to get plastered. My husband usually just takes a bottle in his room and gets buzzed, but frequently he will call me or just come out and start bitching about everything. Then I will blow up and he straighten up for a few days. I'm just sick of dealing with this shit at all and frankly wish neither of them were in my life. Thanks for letting me vent. Screw alcoholics....a disease my ass, nobody voluntarily has a heart attack....give me a break....
|Posted by This Can't Be Life at April 9, 2012|
I'm 29 years old. I've been unemployed for almost two years. I graduated from college in 2009 and can't get a job to save my life. I work for free as an intern creating and maintaing a church website for a local church who treats me like I should be proud to work for fucking free even though my family is struggling. I fill out online applications everyday all day and usually get no response. I have been on several job interviews for jobs in my field only to be met with rejection. I am willing to work anywhere but I can't get a job. Even janitor jobs require at least a year previous experience. The last job I held about a month ago turned out to be a door-to-door vacuum cleaner scam. I have little hope for the future. I live with my mother, my sister and my brother and none of us have jobs. We are living off my father's life insurance money and my mother's retirement fund. I want to help out badly but I need a steady job and that is hard to come by.
I'm an alcoholic. The only thing I learned how to do was binge-drink in college. I became a huge binge-drinker and party animal just to fit in with my mindless college classmates; none of whom I speak to anymore. Since graduating college, I have racked up two DUI's. I was beaten so badly by a "drinking buddy" on the path last year that I woke up in the hospital getting stitches in my face. I am now an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is my only social life. There are a lot of cute young girls who go to the...
|Posted by lilbit at March 31, 2012|
I was around 4 when I was molested by my brother and then he brought his best friend along. Then my aunts boyfriend came along a few yrs later. When I was 11 my parents split and dad got a girlfriend who's father thought it was ok to mess with me(did i have a sign on my head that said "easy"). At 12 I started drinking ALOT and letting men use me so I felt loved.I was with men twice my age trying to fill a void but it's still there. I am now 37 and still can't stop drinking but someday I hope... After suicide attempts and my brother killing himself, I think that I may get over this.... someday
|Posted by anonymous at March 14, 2012|
When I was 16, I had everything. A nice car, tons of friends, a huge home on a lake and I was dating the prom queen. Literally. At the same time, parents were both horrible alcoholics despite their success. They lost almost all their money in a business investment and shortly after got a divorce. We were so broke we had to move into a very small house in a bad part of town. It was so humiliating. My girlfriend left me because I was so stressed out about the whole thing I wasn't giving her any attention. The truth was I had lost all self esteem and I felt like I wasn't good enough for her anymore. Like a true idiot, I began doing the last thing my family needed. I skipped class almost every day to smoke and drink. It ended up so bad that I dropped out and got my GED mid-way through my Senior year. From then on, I just continued partying and drinking for the next 4 years of my life, literally doing nothing to better myself. I have worked shitty job after shitty demeaning job, because a GED gets you nothing. The worst part is everyone knows I'm a HS dropout, but they don't say anything. It's hard to look the people I went to school with in the eyes even to this day because of the shame. I live in a smaller town so it's almost impossible to escape my past. A lot of people seemed to love the fact that I turned out to be a failure. I was fed up and I decided I would do something for myself and my life. I started up at a community college and was getting good en...
|Posted by anonymous at March 10, 2012|
I'm an alcoholic. I can't sleep. i just learned that one of my favorite beers, delirium tremens, is named after a severe symptom of alcoholism. I just found this website because i'm sitting alone and awake for way too long. I've been reading many of the other posts and i feel a little bit out of place. I'm miserable all the time and don't wanna hear comments about: 'God is watching he'll save you someday, just keep trying' that's bullshit. i didn't realize this was a religious site. I want to have a kick in the ass! I can't afford to pay for a therapist but sometimes, even though I know it already, I need someone to just call me out and say i'm full of shit! Any sob story could be outdone, we all like the pity potty, but sometimes instead of a hug we need a punch in the mouth! Anyone got one?
|Posted by anonymous at February 29, 2012|
This last year and some since I moved to New York City from Canada has been one of the most difficult years I have ever had in my life. A month before I had decided to leave, my father had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Since it had been two years that I had seen him, I felt there was no choice but to move here and be closer to him and my mother. I took out a student loan from the bank in order to do it as I was struggling financially and had no savings from a physical job where I had injured my back so badly that it left me nearly unable to walk for six months.
I had enrolled in grad school to do my masters degree when I got here, but due to the stress from my father's condition which worsened by the week, I took a long standing deferral only 5 weeks later. I traveled back and forth to another state because I never knew when the last time would be that I would see him alive. I watched as his body increasingly deteriorated from the cancer, and soon came the day I arrived and saw him take his dying breath.
At the time, I was shattered. I had moved to New York alone never having been here before, having no friends, no connections, not knowing where I was going half the time, getting lost in the cold, dark streets, knee deep in snow. And now my father was dead. I cried all the time in the streets and subways, I drank all the time and got involved with people I couldn't trust who had no interest in my well being. I was oblivious to ho...
|Posted by Noone at February 28, 2012|
Doomed to die because of hepatitis c.
Don't have money to pay for treatment.
Started drinking and smoking when i was 16 and now im 24.
One and only love of my life still rejects me. I fell in love with her when i was 16. I guess one and only love for whole life doesnt work in real world.
Found out my dad is not my real dad lately. Biological dad came to once drunken and died after few months later because of kidney failure. Even my stepped dad got divorced with my mom when i was 15.
I used to be considered as genius by the society but now im failure at college. Normal graduating year is 4th. But now i'm in my 5th year. Graduation is still far. Cant get anything done because of too much stress.
Only time when i forget all this is when im drunk. I know i should not be drinking when i have hepatitis c. But i just cant help it.
Once i tried to suicide. But then i realized how my family would react to it.
I know i'm near genius when it comes to programming. But when i try to do it. I just cant get my potentials work anymore.
|Posted by anonymous at February 27, 2012|
I never used to be like this. I started it out as a happy 13 year old boy, drug free and happy, but now I'm drug abusing loser.
It started in the 8th grade summer, when I was taking medication for my acne problems. Little did I know that a major side effect of the problem was depression. I became suicidal, and what made it worse was I could only talk to a girl that kept breaking my heart, not even waiting to kiss another boy as she told me she loved me. I was also hurt by the fact my mom had left the house for a while after a fight with my father. My friends had even moved on, ignoring me whenever I wanted advice for my depression. They thought I was being a bitch. I guess I was.
During that summer I met some new friends on the high school football team. They were all talking about how they were all going through phases, and how they all felt good about high school. Being still depressed, I could only talk about problems and issues I had. It wasn't until the last mint of summer until someone on the team recommended I should try smoking pot.
I didn't believe him, as I felt I was a clean and responsible individual, but I was soon convinced that maybe it would help relieve my stress. So one day in the hot summer day, I tried smoking with that kid. Boy did my life change. One puff made me realize what I was missing out on, and little did I realize how good life got.
Freshman year started, and I felt my old friends didn't like me anymore, s...
|Posted by Disgusted at February 4, 2012|
It started with my divorce and has gone down hill ever since. My now ex husband who was supposably a Christian, started dabbling in the occult. He started doing what he called "visualization" and said he saw me cheating on him in these "visions" (completely false and rediculous)
We ended up divorcing, and i went through a low period where i was drinking. I stupidly got a DUI, which i deserved, but instead of being placed in a "regular" jail, I was put in a small cell with no windows for 2 days without being told when they would let me out. They took all my clothes and gave me this burlap sack to wear and a hole in the floor to piss in. I was really thirsty and asked for water, to which the reply was "shut the fuck up".
I went into treatment for alcoholism and was in my 2nd year, when my I had to miss one appointment due to being out of town. I let my counselor know ahead of time and he said "just schedule a makeup appt"..so i did..and i show up and he starts telling me how i can't miss regular scheduled treatment..?? I tried to tell him that he OK'd it but i just got too upset to get it all out. He told me to quit crying and threatened to tell my probation officer that I was "not in compliance" which would mean I go to jail, then of course, lose my job, then lose my house etc. He had a wonderful power trip, which he seemed to enjoy.
All the court fees and the divorce finally took their toll, and I filed bankruptcy. I just got a lett...
|Posted by anonymous at January 31, 2012|
I hate my life, my job and people!!!
I moved to the US about 12 years ago with a woman who is now my crazy ex. For 8 years she was a self medicating drunk. I don't know how many times I came home and she was drunk. She was a binge drinker, and I have grown to despise her and the feelings are moving towards hate. I am a guy so sex is important and it was non existant or she wanted to have sex when she was drunk. What a turn off!! I started looking outside the marriage not for sex but for someone to have a normal conversation with, something towards a normal life. Well my ex was diagnosed with ovarian cancer which was removed by surgery and she was fine but she developed an addiction to pain medication. So instead of being a drunk now she was always wasted on pain meds. I know this sucks and I know there are plenty of people who go through this without cheating but I cheated on her. I had an affair with a woman and it was nice to be semi normal with someone.
My ex found out and since that day she has constantly rubbed it in. SHe made my life hell. I have a temper I admit that but I have never hit her, I have smahed a few things in frustration but I never laid a hand on her. Well I paid alot of money to get her off the pain medications. Well we went thorugh the motions until I got laid off and then she wanted to move to some island for the "ideal life" and as much as it sounded perfect someone needed to work and keep a roof over our heads. I got a new job w...
|Posted by anonymous at January 26, 2012|
I hate my life. Perhaps its not as bad as some of the other stories here, but that doesn't change a thing. When you have ADHD, you can look at thigs from a very dif perspective. Ok, so my family is not extremely effed up, but its bad. My mom has MS and a drinking problem (which she refuses to admit) and she lies like its nobody's business. She's kind, but weak. We're pretty much in the shithole for money, so that's great. My dad just remarried and I have this crazy-ass other side of the family, who can act like hooligans. They all drink like there's no tomorrow (what can you expect, they're Portuguese! (Not to offend anyone who's Portuguese)), not to mention 3/4s of them smoke. I don't drink or smoke. I just broke up with my girlfriend who is pretty much fully attracted to people in this sort of sitch. Now she still likes me and I can't do anything about it. That is until I figured out I might be gay. Yeah... That was a total nervous breakdown. Was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 12 (am almost 15, and still have it). Just this past year I was told I had symptoms of sociopathy and delayed-onset PTSD, which is just fantastic. Had to give my mom first aid (stopping bleeding, cleaning, and rudimentary suture) because of an incredible gash on her forehead.
|Posted by anonymous at January 23, 2012|
My life hasn't always been this awful. Actually, I think I've lived a pretty decent life until I turned about 16. As of now, I am a 19 year old woman who lives with her dad and younger sister. Sadly, my mother passed away when I was 16. That was the most devasting event in my life! After that my life had just plunged downhill. My family's grief from my Mom's death has destroyed us. We are no longer a family. About three months after my mother's passing, my Dad decided to start drinking. He always told me that he won't continue. But he never quit. As time went on, his drunkeness increased as well as his evil actions. When I was 18, he began to look at my body. At first I didn't pay any mind until I caught him peeking at me changing in the bathroom. I just kept my cool and pretended like I didn't notice. I didn't know what to do! This peeking nature of his continued. One night my dad and I was watching a movie on the couch. It was getting late so I decided to shower and retire for the night. When I went to bed, five minutes later I heard a knock on my door. It was Father. He aked me if he can sleep in my bed because he claimed that he get's lonely at night. I did not believe him so I said no. The next day we didn't say a word to each other until he started drinking and had gotten drunk. He was really angry about what happened last night and we argued. I couldn't take anymore so I went to my room and shut the door. For the next half hour it was quiet. I was curious about ...
|Posted by anonymous at January 14, 2012|
Well to start my mom and dad got a divorce when I was very young. Both hated each other and my sisters and I were always stick in the middle of it and my sisters at the time were 14 and 15 which meant in a few years they could drive and leave the house, but that wasn't for me. My mom grabbed me right as she could leave and she bought an apartment but didn't have money to buy furniture for a week but only could buy a couch which both of us had to sleep on for about a month. We gradually obtained more furniture and shortly made a nice little home that we stayed in for about a year, just the only problem with this is that I couldn't see my dad or my sisters at all for that whole year which made me gain depression. My mom at the time pretty much brain washed me to hate my dad because I asked her to go see him and my sisters, now at this point she saw that she could easily control and mold my mind to her liking which made many later-in-life choices hard to pick and a few I should have picked but because of her and her mind bonding shit I couldn't.
When we moved out we moved to a condo and lived there for 3 years, but now this is where the real "My life sucks" part starts to fall into place because just a few months later she started drinking heavily and staying up till 5a.m. listening to her music really loud but I just ignored it knowing that she wouldn't do anything to me but luckily my eldest sister moved in just a month after my mom started drinking which saved m...
|Posted by sad, mad and terrified at January 14, 2012|
My husband of 12 years has getting drunk and hit me for years. He gets away with this. The police could care less. Justice is a joke. How can he do this? We have three beautiful children together. He says he loves me and them. He has knocked me out numerous times. When I say I am leaving he threatens harm to family and friends. I am scared of him. He got us kicked out of our apartment earlier this year, he was taking my money for drugs. Now we are in his mothers house. Which is really no better, she is also a violent drunk also. She stands over him and tells him to kill me. Is there anyone out there who cares? How can he think this is love? Any advise?
|Posted by dodo777 at January 13, 2012|
I am 51 alone and sssooo depressed.I turned to the church but had no help from them.I did hear they are have complaints.I am now meditating which has helped me no end.I recomend it to any one it gives you a strange calmness and peice of mind.
I drank most of my life because I didnt have a job as I got arthritus in my hip.I live alone I have kids but only see them when they want.I would kill myself but havent the bottle to do it.
Times are getting hard in south wales every thing is going up in price.I have a car and that is the only enjoyment I have.
People here are comitting suicide one girl hung herself by a school men are throwing themselves in front of trains one threw hiself off a car parking building so sad.Another guy stabbed his family and then killed his self quite a few times this has happend lately.So many are loseing their jobs and I cant see it getting better any time soon.
I know there are others out there like me but I suppose it helps to type things down.Like I said meditating has helped some times up to an hour but it makes me feel at one with myself.I have made such a bad name with drinking that was ten years ago mind now I dont do nothing now but the damage has been done.I have had quite a few breakdowns as my upbringin wasnt the best been sexualy abused which hasnt helped my father beat me when ever he could my mother was also violent to us my sisters and I .My father though loved my sisters they have done well in life me crap.I feel I am just waiting for the day I become ill go to hospital and die like so many I know.Today if you havent money life doesnt seem worth living.IO eat loads of chocolate to make up the feeling of being lonely I suppose.I am not fat though quite skinny really.Any way thats my sad story.I bet there is millions like me but it seems I am the only one that is suffering
|Posted by anonymous at January 4, 2012|
I am 22 years old. I am a college drop out with over $25,000.00 at least in debt. Debt in college loans and hospital bills. I went to college for 2.5 years and dropped out because I did way too much partying and never went to class. I never paid for my loans so they went to collections and I haven't looked at them in months. While in college I was hospitalized twice for "alcohol poisoning". I was totally conscious during my hospital visits. I was only taken because I was underage and it was going to the hospital or jail. I sat in the hospital for a couple hours and released with no treatment. $800.00 for each trip with no insurance they went to collections also. I have a DWI for driving after a party in college literally 100 feet and could see my apartment in view. I am over the DWI consequences except $360.00 for probation fees. I have 3 minor in possessions of alcohol during school. I have dealt with those but it does suck having them on my record now. I am a denial alcoholic who wants help but yes, rehab is a privilage of the rich. I was laid off a job at KFC because i didn't have a ride to work. After finding that job after 1.5 years of job hunting. I have no friends due to my drinking and no car because of the DWI. I live in a area where the closest business is an hour walk. I hate my life and considered suicide but with my luck I would not succeed. I would end up with brain damage from substance over dose or half a head to a shot gun. I want to help people and become very positive and do something with my life but within two years i have fucked up and what is the point now?