|Posted by Walkingdead at June 19, 2012
I am actually past the point of caring whether how my story "rates." Bottom line is it's the worst I've experienced up to this point. My story started out with a lot of promise. I was born into a suburban, middle-class family. My early years were rainbows and butterflies. All good things must come to an end I guess. The turning point would be when my two older brothers starting molesting me. It started at about 7 and continued on until I was about 11. I never felt like I could tell my mother because she experienced something similar and I was afraid of how hard she would take it. I just wanted to keep the peace. At age 10 my Dad was paralyzed in a car accident and the family dynamic changed dramatically. Things stayed the same as always between my dad and I. Most of our conversations are awkward and impersonal, and if they do get personal it leads to argument. My mother has taken care of my for roughly 20 years minus one week. She is trying to cope with debilitating depression. The kind where you don't leave the house, don't answer the phone, only want to sleep, etc. etc. I battled with depression with some remissions here and there. I hit 15 and things were looking up. I was in night school because I was ostracized in school in conjunction with being horribly insecure and socially awkward. Ended up dropping out because I was going to be failed due to the fact I didn't have a computer to complete my final essay for my class. Failure was easy at this point because it's all...
|Posted by Bout Hadit at June 16, 2012
I'm 53 years old, my wife has been battling breast cancer for the last 5 years, going through her 5th chemo round. 3 supportive kids, 2 in college one still in HS. I was "relieved" of my position of 30 years nearly 3 years ago, searched for another job until I had a heart attack last September. Stents were placed in the blocked arteries but there is a problem with a valve that may require surgery. Now I am spending retirement money paying for insurance and medical bills, waiting for my heart condition to improve so I can go back to work. Once I do return to work, I'll have to pay someone to take care of my wife while I'm gone as she's sometimes barely able to walk. Our nearest family is 650 miles away, they have been unable to assist as they have issues of their own. Yea it sucks, but I'm sure others have it way worse than we do, so I shouldn't complain.
|Posted by anonymous at June 14, 2012
I am 57 years old, I have E.D., low T, bad eyes, losing my hearing, high blood pressure, I have no friends, no hobbies to speak of, I am developing pain in my testicles, my left hip hurts so bad, I cannot lie in bed too long. I have sleep apnea, and carpal tunnel in both wrists.
My wife is a cancer survivor, and I was her caregiver. This led to no sex whatsoever for more than 4 years, and the last year, we have attempted intercourse about 10 times, during which I was unable to climax at least 7 of the 10. Sex has never been important to her, and has hardly ever touched me. I feel like I have been cheated out of a love life. This leaves me drinking beer every night because I am hurt, alone, feeling very unloved and just dazed. I have been on anti-depressants, but they make me worse, or totally kill any sexual ability I have left, or I get to the point where I don't care about anything, so I spend money that I don't have. I see no joy in life at all....just pain.
|Posted by Toxic at June 10, 2012
Sometimes I wonder why treats me in this way. I get a TB, a severe TB, and it is anti every drug, except the five left that can save my life. The life of a TB patient is like hell. You will not have any hurt in you body, but the pain in your soul can get bigger and bigger every single day.
As an international students, I need to stay here for curing it, I couldn't go back home to meet my parents, my family, and I live here alone, have no friend, get nothing to do except from wishing passing by as quickly as possible. Every day seems really long to me. I couldn't find any job. My school work gets stuck right now. I lost my credit card, and I miss my ex so bad. I don't know what to do. I don't know why God gives me this life.
I need friends. I need family. I need my ex...
|Posted by anonymous at June 9, 2012
I have never had the chance to be a child. All my life I had to be the adult and take care of everyone else. My mother cheated on my dad right before my eyes. I am pretty sure my little sister who I adore is the man's she slept out on with. Our lives are just lies. My sisters and I probably do not have the same father, but who will ever know. I have always been depressed, but I found a way to make it through it all.
Now that I am older, I am faced with greater struggles. This year I got really sick. For the last nine months I have been bleeding internally. The doctors do not know why this is happening to me. I bleed from everywhere and it is just so so so much. I am very sick and I do not see hope in getting better. I almost died this year and I am a little upset that I have not yet. I have been making mistakes. I accidently sent hate mail to a teacher. It was pretty intimate. It was a total accident and now I feel as if he could ruin my life in a matter of seconds. My life just sucks now and I feel there is no escaping it before high school is over.
People adore me, but I cannot understand why. Why do they like me? Why can't they let me go? I just want to exit this world. I am not meant to be a part of it. My whole life would be considered a success by a stranger looking in, but really I am a mess. I need help. My definition of failure is skewed and success seems impossible when really I do very well.
This is just a little bit about my life. How can I move on with the sickness and the letter out there to be exposed? I think I need to die. Maybe I will just bleed out.
|Posted by Jim at June 5, 2012
The title says it all... I have no penis, it got caught in a turbine when I was 15, and almost died of blood loss because I was fucking my girlfriend at the time. The turbine was on because she liked the vibration of the machine while we had sex. She later than dumped me and told everyone I knew. My family hates me and I am positive I have AIDS.
I'm really thinking about ending it all.
|Posted by anonymous at June 4, 2012
I hate my life im fat i need to lose like 100 pounds to be happy with my weight and i mainly gained it from thyroid problem. I finished university and i cant find a job at all! Im lonely , im sad, i hate my life :( plz help
|Posted by anonymous at June 4, 2012
Well let me start by saying I HATE feeling like this or even complaining when I know: there is always someone out there who has it worse. But shit..not to ME!
1. I am 26 going on 27 and have have limb gyrtle muscular dystrophy.
-this alone is what I know my issues stem from. Trust me, it sucks! My arm, stomach, feet, leg, and hand muscles are super weak. So I can even climb stairs, sit in regular chairs without someone helping me up. I use a walker when I leave the house. I feel 80 and I hate it. I have 2 daughters, 5 and 1, who I can't even get on the floor and play with because I wouldn't be show to get up not to mention it kills me knees to crawl because I've fallen on them so many times I can't even remember.
It is my favorite time of year, summer, and I can't even go down the stairs to help my oldest put the sprinkler on the hose. All I did today was sit/stand on the back door small landing and watch them play. I want to go lay out, have fun with them in the water, etc. But no.
2. I am SO lonely. No guy wants to marry someone like me. My disease is one thing, but I'm also mentally unstable because of this hatred of my disease! I am highly depressed.
I will go one day feeling ok to great to ok to sad to wanting to die.
3. Oh did I mention I live in the dungeon (basement) of my moms house!? It is dark, gloomy, small, and cold down here. Plus, I feel trapped! I have a stupid riding chair to get up to my moms part of the house ...
As I said, everyone has a story. I haven't always had the best of luck period, and it irritates me that I have to work harder then some for everything. I am now 32 years old and still renting, I have never been married or have any kids. I have yet to have any dream come true. I feel like life forgot about me. For the last 5 years I spent my life with a man who had money but who was a junkie, alcoholic and who had a gambling problem and who only cared about himself. He put me down a lot. I also had a good income but was laid off for months in the end. When I was with him I lived 2800 miles from any family and friends, then a couple of years ago he moves me back "home" which was his intent on getting rid of me, which I didn't know at the time. However, he up and left me to pay for everything. I then had to file for bankruptcy. Which was ok but I couldn't even pay for living expenses and most times had to sell things to pay the bills. Forget trying to find a better job, my province has one of the highest unemployment rates in Canada.
Then my best friend who I was in love with ended up dying in his sleep from heart failure at 39 years of age. I was devastated and dealt with the pain and grief on my own for months. I started drinking to self medicate. Eventually I ended up on antidepressants, which wouldn't be my first time. Because of the antidepressants I then gained 25 lbs in a year!
Oh I also used my RRSP to live on and upgrade some courses because I ha...
|Posted by insane corpse at June 3, 2012
I have all the same feelings. No motivation no desire no strength no will. I have worked all my life. The last job i worked at until three yrs ago when i had to quit to become a fulltime caregiver for my mom. At first she was just ill with copd,osteoprosis, and hepetitis c. Seven months later she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which had spread outside the lungs to her liver and bones. So now had I not only had grief from no longer having my job, my independence, no cash flow, and my social circle deminished entirely. I was now preparing my mother and myself for her to die. Did I mention I had done the same with my father who died in 2000 of colon cancer. My only child was being sent to Iraq during the holidays after my mothers passing. both my mother and father had children from previous marriges. I being the youngest by 11 yrs was left to take care of them individually by myself. My child is the only family I have at all. No grandparents,aunts,uncles,cousins, to ask for help from. And I cant burden my child with my problems. Now with no income, transportation, and my illness Im slipping further into this darkness deeper and deeper. All the people that say they are my friends have done nothing but take advantage of me and break me even more. I sit in my room alone and dont leave the house. I just want to board up my house with me in it and go to sleep until I never wake up..
|Posted by Overwhelmed at June 3, 2012
Do any of you know what Huntington's disease is? No? It's a disease that effects the neurons in the brain and can lead to many different things, including symptoms associated with dimentia, sucidical tendencies, and a whole lot of other shit that you can look up. In short, not good. The disease is passed down through families, chances being if one parent has it, the children of that parent will have a 50% chance of also contracting the disease. My grandmother had it. I think I met her twice...maybe three times in my whole life. I was pretty young the first time I met her. No older than 11 or 12 maybe. She needed constant medical care and so had been admitted into a special home to attend to her needs. My only memory is of her lying down on a bed, unable to move, unable to form any sounds other that those you might associate with a newborn baby. Gargles and noises with no meaning. This is what I have to watch my family become. My father, my brother, and my sister. I'm the only one who doesn't have it. And it makes me feel so guilty. Why am I any different? Why am I the one that is now expected to live for them as well? They always tell me to enjoy life, do my best, succeed for them. And whilst I'm struggling with all the pressure, I get to watch them destroy themselves with the knowledge of what they'll become. They all turned to drugs. My father, who is now 53, is right in the middle of the symptoms really taking effect. He's lost his mind. He believes his mother was the ...
|Posted by Bobby at June 3, 2012
i have had depression/anxiety for about the past 8 years. im 24 now and have tried almost every medication under the sun for depression, anxiety, even bi-polar disorder. the doctors never really could figure out why i am this way or how to treat it but have told me its so bad that i may never be able to work a steady job or go back to school for the rest of my life. i stayed at a few psychiatric hospitals which didnt help. the worst part is i have the greatest family who i love more than anything and who have tried to help me every step of the way and are still trying to find a doctor or medication to get me better. but for the past 9 months i have barely spoken to them which upsets them very much but i cant help it. i feel no happiness. i have a few good days maybe every 3 weeks or so but then im right back to severely depressed. it hurts me so much to know they are hurting. i wish i had a family that didnt care. i stay locked in my room for most of the day because im too depressed to be around them. i put on a lot of weight which is what depresses me the most now. i was always in top shape. now im not at all so i lost my confidence, my self esteem, and refuse to even leave the house. i think i went further than a block from my house twice in the past 9 months because im so embarassed of what i look like now. i have suicidal thoughts all the time and the only reason i havent killed myself is because i know it would destroy my family. it sucks. i want to just end it but i cant. i dont see things ever getting better. i dont see the point in living anymore.
|Posted by anon at June 2, 2012
I learned the hard way, nothing in this world matters except money. An idealist all my life, I struggled against federal oppression, and was poisoned by the FBI with something like Agent Orange. This brought on atopical dermatitis, with skin slowly burning off my hands for two years. The "cure" was prednisone, which knocked it out eventually, but caused avascular necrosis; the bones are rotting from the inside out. So all my attempts to be a social champion came to disaster. Additionally, the back is completely screwed up. I now live, just barely, on disability and social security and food stamps. If it hadn't been for my late parents, and their unconditional love and support, I'd have died in a cardboard box under a bridge long ago. So while I'm grateful for that, I hate my life now. Only crushing poverty and pain, 24-7. And because of constant niggling disasters and their attendant expenses, I'll lose the house my dad bought for me 20 years ago. At that point, I'll blow my brains out and if there are any ruling dieties in this universe, I'm gonna go straight to their place and punch their lights out.
|Posted by anonymous at June 1, 2012
I fucked myself again. The bipolar and social anxiety didn't help any, but I know that in the end my demise is my own fault. I am getting dropped from college, again. I have no job. I live with my mother in a shitty apartment. I have allowed myself to go from being fully independent to completely dependent and scared of my own shadow.
Three years ago I injured my back and every single fucking day I've had this dull ache, on other days it's an intense pain, radiating throughout my lower body. It's driving me insane! (Of course I tried physical therapy, for months, and no improvement.) I used to hike 4-8 miles, four days a week for work and a few miles on the weekend for funnsies. Now, I can't even walk around the block without either one of my legs feeling like its going to burn off. I've gained about 100 pounds in three years and I fucking hate myself for creating this mess of a body. It is my fault that I've gained weight, I know that, what with the emotional eating, avoiding exercise to avoid pain, and my general state of apathy. I fucked myself so hard.
Three years of slowly fucking myself into the ground. I know it's bad, I can feel it, but at the same time I still feel like I have yet to hit rock bottom. I used to "do drugs" and drink like a sailor, but moved on from that a year ago when I started my degree program at art school. (I don't know if I have a desire to go down that path again, the drugs and alcohol...too expensive and takes too much e...
|Posted by anonymous at June 1, 2012
Ok i know im only eighteen but that shouldnt determine the degree of suckinees of my life. im bipolar, anemic, depressed(near Suicidle) lonely and i have arthiritis. if thats not enough i have gravely sick mother and my dad passed almost 2 years ago. i just graduated hs with only a 2.0 and i dont have any idea what i wanna do w/my life. when i think of the beginning of my life i think of how my mom risked her life giving birth to me in the first place. doctors told her giving birth to me would cause her to get really sick. she was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis when i was born. i sort of feel like its my duty to take care of her forever. if i dont worry abt. her i feel so guilty. so it limits me to actually enjoy anything without b/c i'll feel bad abt. it later. my dad died so unexpectedly. just one morning i woke up and was told he was gone. he had a heart attack at his job. it sucks because i never fully mourned his death. i completly aviod thinking about him too much. the smell of anything that reminds me of him makes me nauses, and i want to puke. i was not that close to him and i regret it. i miss him so much and nothings the same. i go back in forth btwn hating everyone, even people i dont know, to just getting by for a moment. thats bipolar though. i cant figure out who or what i am. i feel soo evil sometimes and i figure it would've been better if i wasnt born. i punched my sister in the face a couple a weeks ago for no reason and i still feel so sorry. i cant u...
|Posted by Al at May 31, 2012
4 years ago i decided to retire. it was a big mistake. im 84 and enjoy working with people. then my wide came down with altimers disease. i am very depressed by it. have been married for 62 years and never thought any thing like this would happen. on top of that i lost my balance 1 and haf yearss ana d brke my hip. at that time i wanted to kill myself.very unhappy with life.
|Posted by bery at May 30, 2012
Started getting sick in the first grade, have been sick every day (24/7) for 61 years.
Pains that cause me to double over at the mid section, leading to depression fear and isolation.
Known as food tolerances, if you eat you get sick.
|Posted by anonymous at May 30, 2012
I am almost 31 years old. I have never had a relationship that lasted over a year and a half. I have been dogged out by men over the years so much. It hurts because all I want is someone to love me just as much as I love them. My past experiences keep me from being able to trust anyone. Its hard to stay in a relationship because I get so paranoid thinking that the person I'm with will just end up treating me like the rest did. I suffer from PTSD and I have two children who have autism. Life is very hard for me. When I was younger I was abused by my aunt and both my parents were on drugs. I ended up in state custody, living in shelters and foster homes. I always look for love in the wrong places. I have made a lot of choices that I regret and am ashamed of. Everyday is a struggle...I smoke weed to help me forget about my loneliness sometimes but I know that is not the right thing to do. I am so emotional and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I just want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with....it seems like that will never happen. After all of my failed relationships I feel like giving up. I have a lot of issues that I am dealing with. I know my story is not as bad as most of the stories I have read but I know someone out there can identify with what I am feeling. I don't have any friends...I am in the house all day everyday because I am always so anxious. I really do not know what to do. I have stopped caring about my appearance as much as I used to. My family does not understand me so I cannot go to them without them judging me. I look all around and see all of these couples who seem to be so happy an in love. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me? Maybe it's because I am flat chested and do not have a big butt. That seems to be what everyone likes. I have heard that I am beautiful or pretty but I do not feel it. I am in tears now...I just don't know what do do anymore.
|Posted by anonymous at May 29, 2012
I don't have a giant sob story but things I need to get off my chest. I hate my life but not enough to commit suicide like some people here. I'm the middle child of 3 and I was diagnosed with arthritis which ruined my only passion, singing. I was the one who could reach the notes that no one else could and I was a great actress. Now, I have noguels on my vocal chords, a range of 6 notes, a raspy voice and no main roles in anything! Nowadays you gotta be able to sin in order to be an extra in a play. Even speaking parts are given to the best singer!
Most of y'all won't understand but life's tough being the forgotten one cause "I don't do any extra circular things," or "I don't make honor roll every semester." I do art and guitar that's all I need in my life, no mentoring, no tutoring, nothing but an form of art.
Sorry I really shouldn't be venting to y'all but I'm sick and tired of being the forgotten crippled child with no skills!
Sorry for wasting your time.
|Posted by anonymous at May 27, 2012
Well it started when I was only 14 was in a car accident went to hospital over night was complaining about back pain the Dr never X-rayed my back & sent me home the next day with my drunk of a mother who was more interested in her drinking buddies than her daughters health. Anyway I thought the pain I had must be normal I'm not Dr so only going on the dr who supossely treated me. Anyway yea later & 2 kids & heaps of jobs later after the 5 th assault from my husband had MRI & cat scans done. Found out I actually broke my back when I was 14 & had no treatment for it aswell after last beating can't work no more cause of years of abuse. To top it off my own mother likes to track down my old workmates & tell that I have nothing wrong with me. Told my Dr this & he said can't fake.xrays. Then after doing family mediation with husband took him back but then cause I can't work he decided that he he couldn't hit me anymore so the other types of abuse started happening. Like depriving me of food, verbal abuse the list could go on, but to top it off now that I couldn't work with help from him. Oh nearly forgot he couldn't work for 3 years & I looked after him even wiping his ass cause he couldn't & looking after 2 young kids aswell as working when he couldn't cause that's what families are supposed to do.BUT NO ACCORDING TO HIM. The bastard decided after 20 years of me putting up with abuse cause had no other support he decided that he would cheat on me. The kids who are grown now ...