|Posted by heartgoneblack at December 1, 2010
Im 25 years old now. Back in the day, I was the kid of an alcoholic mother and workaholic father. Neither of them understood me. My younger sister was always the favourite. She got the best presents and the most attention. I didn't realise just how much this was true until I recently decided to watch some old family videos. I was always told to "shut up" while my sister was left to play as they filmed her on the camcorder.
After years of arguing and abuse, my parents divorced. I was torn who to live with. Both parents were (and still are) quite unstable. My father remarried and inherited two kids (from his new wife's previous marriage) and to this day treats them better than us. My mother kicked me out at 16 and I was left to work and live by myself in a council flat in a rough area of town.
Pretty soon, I was working 12 hour days to try and support myself, cycling 5 miles to and back from work in the dark. Cooking, cleaning and fending for myself whilst the druggie neighbours screamed and played music till late at night keeping me up. For 6 months, I hardly slept. Eventually, I suffered a nervous breakdown. With nobody around to help, I would wander the streets, still a teenager, crying.
I would stop by the church and pray, book in to see the doctors to collect anti-depression and anxiety medication (which seldom worked) and all the while feel as if taking my own life would be the best way out. I began smoking and drinking to dull the pain of b...
|Posted by anonymous at December 1, 2010
okay, My mom hates me, My dad hates me, My own blood brother hates me, and they have all agreed to kick me out of the house. Im on a deadline, i have 1 week to find a friend to take me under his wing (im only 14, no job, no way i could live on my own). Ive tried running away but my dad finds me and beats me up when he takes me back home. Ive thought of shooting myself (easiest way of suicide in my opinion)but i really dont think i have the guts to. Its huanted my mind for many years now and it just seems nicer each to to comit suicide. Everday adds a new reason for me not to live wether its how im depressed because im not even loved by my own family or the other fact that i just dont deserve to live and all i cause it trouble. Im the 2nd born child, my parents only care about the 1st (they practically worship him) im the mistake, my mom even told me.... Asshole. Im really thinking about doing it, dont know how, dont know when. It just seems like the easiest way out.
|Posted by Tessa at November 30, 2010
Well i have an asin boyfriend. he is 37 im 18. He sometimes makes me feel so bad about myself. like one time i was trying to be romantic and i got on top of him and he pushus me off and says " you need to go to the gym" ( for god sakes his ex was literally 400 pounds). He apologized afterwards. Yesterday he told me to take out some boxes ( i sometimes forget things but i didnt forget this time)but idecided to take things out the next day that way i have stuff to do. So i get myself Pretty before he comes home. He arrives and he says im pretty then he starts ranting on the boxes and calling me stuff and that i need to go to the gym again im like WTF i get pretty for you and i get up EARLY in themornign to make you breakfast and clean the dishes like you . . . idk
|Posted by orange40 at November 30, 2010
On the outside, people think I'm strong and attractive and brave. I have friends and family who love me. I have a job and a house. On the inside, I am rotten and disgusting and I loathe myself so much I can't stand to be alone with myself. I can't keep a relationship together, have just ruined my latest one by unleashing my revolting, violent temper on my partner of 6 months. I hit him in the head and threw a glass at him and he threw me against a wall several times. I deserved it. He should have punched me in the face. I'm covered in bruises and grazes and he's left and will never speak to me again. This is the 7th relationship I have ruined through my rage, my anxiety, my neediness, my intolerance. They all love me in the beginning but they all run away from me in the end. Even this guy, who was kind of an asshole and had drinking problems (but I adored him). I'm broke and am so useless I can't pay my bills. Last night I dreamt I lived in a homeless shelter and I probably will be soon. I wish someone would top me - I'm so cowardly I can't even do it myself. I'm smoking a gazillion ciagerettes a day and making myself the ugly crone I know I am inside. What a useless piece of shit I am - happiness lands in my lap and I screw it all up, over and over and over again. I'm so pathetic I can't even be happy with all the things I have been given in life. At times I know that people can't be around me because the self-loathing is so strong they can smell it. I feel like at the moment people are staring at my because they know I'm so disgusting and there's something wrong with me. Jesus Christ I wish I would die.
|Posted by anonymous at November 29, 2010
I wish all of us people with fucked up brains and hopeless mindsets could just get together and comfort each other. Form a little cult or something. Make art and do drugs. Maybe that would make things more bearable? Probably not. Humans are trapped in their ego. I think that might be what makes us all so sad. When we project ourselves beyond our ego, when we learn or create or love, that's when we're happy, I think. But then our ego pulls us back in, and convinces us that what will really make us happy is to /be/ loved and to /be/ smart and to /be/ attractive. It's all bullshit. We'll never /be/ what we want to be, there will always be something we want to be that we won't be. I don't know, I'm rambling. Happiness is probably forgetting yourself and loving and accomplishing things outside yourself. Maybe.
|Posted by godsgirl76 at November 29, 2010
My life completely sucks. I've lost a job, lost a sibling unexpectedly, and lost a significant other all in less then 5 months of each other. It took me awhile, but I have found another job. One that I am not happy with, but at least it is paying most of the bills for now. My brother is never coming back and I just can't seem to let go of that. We weren't incredibly close as far as us sharing the same interests, but he was the only other person on this planet who knew what we went through as children and had to survive. A friend pointed out to me yesterday that I still talk about him as though he were here and it might be why I'm having a hard time....bc I haven't let him go yet. I don't want to.
Then comes the love of my life leaving. It has been a long time coming and I could see the writing on the wall long before now. I have struggled with that fact and in many moments created some very crazy moments for the both of us. I have yelled and been down right crazy enough to be institutionalized due to the fear of being left. In the end...I was left...bc who wants to deal with crazy?
Now I just want to die. I don't want to deal with all this pain and I don't want to live such an empty existance without my best friend. I'm still very much in love with this person and I'm rejected. My self worth is at an all time low and there is nothing I can do to fix the problem. I don't follow through with suicide as I have a young child and I can't do that to my ...
|Posted by worthless being at November 29, 2010
So I'm 30, broke, ugly, and stay with my mom. Not to mention my baby mama cheated on me with so called friends, women, and strangers.(maybe in that order) All the while telling me she only loves me, when she was really loving anyone and everyone. And thats been over 3 years ago, I still can't let go of the anger and the feeling of betrayal. All of that causing my drinking problem and troubles with women. I'm always thinking that they're going cheat and hurt me. And here I am feeling worthless and alone.
|Posted by Lowlife at November 29, 2010
I have quite the story to tell. To start off I'd tell my status: 19 years old, highschool grad, live with my mom and dad,single. Whatever. Honestly my life doesn't suck, just that would be the truth in most peoples eyes. Me and my family live in a 3 level house, have a decent sized backyard and my parents are never out of money. This christmas my little brothers will be getting almost everything they could want, also today was my moms bday, she's happy and seemed to be contempt with how the day went. So anyway where should I start? Well I'm not happy with my life cus I'm a rich asshole... Ugh no, not close to being the truth. I have a 60 something inch tv a king sized bed iPhone a pos pc, a car that stays in the drive way cus I guess a car with a warped frame and in perfect mechanical condition isn't suitable for driving in the state of ga, it has a salvage title and can't get it switched unless I get a frame stretcher... So that's the beginning of my problems. I have a terrible time getting laid, nuff said. I could never get a job if I tried why do I state that cus that's what I want right now more than anything. I'm stuck in a fuckin house where by everyone opinion would be awesome with the video games and what not, basically all the luxuries that anyone could ask for. There's a time where being in the situation that luxuries is all you have , can make u the poorest person in town, based on the thought that I have no real purpose in life at the time but just be indulgen...
|Posted by dexter at November 29, 2010
hey my names dexter gabriel thats my real name, i am13 years old turning fouteen on december 20. and i am a fucking sociopath. as a child i had a decent life, then at the age of 7 my little brother was born, that was the day my life became hell, my asshole dad is the kind of person who only cares about his latest offspring. since that day he has never uttered the words i love you to me, he has beat me for things i dindt do, didnt know about, or wasnt even around. he's threatened to kill me many times, he just recently said he hates me, he is always calling me worthless and trash, sure to many people my life isn't bad, i have good clothes a comfy bed to sleep in im healthy, but then again my mom gives me all those things and guess what, shes my step mom. that also has turned me from a good kid with a future ahead of him, into a future homocidal maniac, because ive let eveything my father has done to me slide, until now, im just countin time till im servin time, i;ve made twenty perfect running away plans. i have a special butcher knive saved up for him,i need help, i lost my heart long ago, and i cling on friends, i live only knowing i have friends. please if anyone could help me please hmu on facebook, look for dex gab, on aim, dexistoo0high34. just help me stop my bloody new future.
|Posted by ThisGuy at November 29, 2010
I read two people post on here and it reminded me of how I used to view the world. I hated my boring life (which is still boring as fuck) and just wanted to explode, you know, blow shit up and scream on top of my lungs because it seemed like there were no ways out. You just gotta make it work guys. I go to school everyday but don't view it as a prison with classrooms as the cells. I view it as a place to meet people and just have fun. Screw the lessons and stuff. I'm a straight A student and it took me this long (Senior in high school) to realize that you need to do what make you happy. Living up to the expectations of everybody else is not what makes me happy so fuck it. Now a days, I spend my class hours conversing with people and having fun. I have a job, which is practically slave labor for minimum wage, but I make the best of it. I bring my iPod and jam away the hours and spend the time thinking about how fucking awesome life is and how gay some people make it seem. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT. DON'T DO IT. NOBODY IS FORCING YOU TO DO THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU UNHAPPY. The state may say you have to attend school but no law says you HAVE TO LEARN. You can use that time for other stuff. As for work, same deal. If you can't somehow make it fun, milk it for as many hours as you can before you get fired.
|Posted by lucky duck at November 28, 2010
Hey I am a 20 year old female.
1 year ago kicked out the army for drugs and other reasons (oh yes i was raped too). Now after a shit ton of things happening I am at a very low spot.
I am homeless in MI where the economy sucks worst in the nation, and its almost december and my sleeping bag got rained on, my food stamps are out, my only physical pleasure from life except sex is smoking weed meth or rizzo (crack). I drink every day and that is horrible for my hep c liver from a dirty heroin needle i used. I cant even have sex because my fiance went to jail yesterday, I almost got arrested 3 times 1 for stabbing a dude i was fighting in the temple with a pen, 2 getting tresspassed from the hospital lobby a 2nd time almost going to jail and 3 creating a bonfire that set off alarms in the parking structure me and some friends were squating in. I had to walk my staggering drunk friend to his dope dealers at 3am today tired as shit, MY dreads need more work, James used his welfare money to get my engagement ring, I lost a quarter pound of weed on the greyhound. I been off my crazy meds for 2 months and im feeling it.
|Posted by anonymous at November 28, 2010
My life sucks badly. I really have no life. What I'm about to tell, you'll probably find difficult to believe.
I lived a normal life till I was 16. Then I burned my face in the sun. My case has to be unique, cause it somehow changed the skin on my face. I mean some crap started to grow on it, like a second skin filled with lots of little black dots. Now I look crappy, like if I have an ugly mask on my face. I can reduce it with creams containing alpha & beta acid, but I was doing it for 6 years (now I'm 22) and I look slightly better. It wouldn't be a problem but there is this small issue. People stare. And laugh. I had normal life before this, had no problem with people, had many friends, girls liked me, some of them even wanted me. Now everything is lost. It's all been reduced to one friend, computer of which I'm bored, depression, pills. Everyday now I don't feel like doing anything. Nothing gives me any satisfaction. When I go for a walk I wear a cap and a hood so nobody can see me.
Everybody around me tells me it's in my head. When I hear my father or mother saying how handsome I am I don't know weather to cry or to laugh. I was sent to a hospital for psychos and they diagnosed that I suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I never believed I have it and still don't. Different people told me how I look so the doctors are just being polite.
Anyway, I have enough of this. I'm wondering how much time I have till I go crazy, kill myself or run out of money (parents won't live forever).
Maybe someone also had this kind of problem and knows how to treat it (except for going to a psychiatrist)?
|Posted by sad at November 28, 2010
This year has been horrible. I lost my home, life savings and needed to move away from my son because of work. My family is split and I don't see jobs coming back to my home town. I worked two and three jobs so many years for that home and I miss my son so much.
The US economy is done and isn't coming back.
Life has been one series of disaster after another. I don't know how much more pain I can endure. It is nightmarish.
|Posted by anonymous at November 28, 2010
i have a 2.5 gpa weighted i have no room or bed, the couch i sleep on smells my closet is as big as a doorway i feel ugly and i dont know what im going to do in life. my toes are gross i need to get a pedicure, my armpits are hairy i have no life.
|Posted by anonymous at November 27, 2010
So i am 17 and my mom hates me and loves my twin sis. Go figure. I always try to be the good kid. I never smoke, dont hav sex, an rarely drink. My sis does all of that. She is always in her giant room with her door locked on the computer doing whatever she wants. And i am stuck in the basement in a room smaller than her closet getting yelled at because i was doing homework on my laptop in my room, which hasnt had a lock in over a year. I cant even use a laptop for homework in my room and she can do whatever she wants. I havent gotten any money from my parents for anything in years, and they give her allowance and still pay for her to go shopping every week.
I cant go more than 12 hours without getting yelled at or scolded for something by my mom. Whenever i am cleaning my room or doing my homework my mom comes down the stairs and yells at me for not having my stuff done and walks away, then i dont feel like doing any more of it. Now whenever i do my homework or clean i am so paranoid that if i hear any noise upstairs i just stop and prepare for her to come down and nag me about something. This causes me to not always get my stuff done in return having her yell even more and going into a neverending spiral. Now my grades are bad and i feel like shit all the time.
My mom makes me feel like i am worthless. We just got in a fight and now i wanna just run away cause i hav nothing going for me. My twin sister has looks, straight A's, was on varsity freshman year for hockey and is getting a scholarship to college for lacrosse. My dad was in the majors, my mom graduated from like harvard or something, my brother made varsity hockey as a sophemore. I dont hav looks, i hav bad grades and i cant even make varsity hockey as a senior. Everyone in my family has had sex and everyone is married except for my twin, and i cant even get a girlfriend. I just feel like shit. Does anyone else think my life is a piece of shit?
|Posted by AlviMack at November 27, 2010
I'm aware and it guilts me but there isn't anything I can do. I just cant find motivation. Knock knock knocking on heavens door.
|Posted by Cervantes at November 26, 2010
My life sucks because I made a mistake of GOING TO COLLEGE!! Would've been better off working at a warehouse for a number of years and get paid more. Studied Media Arts and Animation and got my bachelor's. 2 years have passed since I gruadated and still can't get a job in the field or even get a job as a dishwasher. I'm always updating my demo reel and portfolio and it's just not good enough for "them"!! Sallie Mae is now calling me everyday even on the holidays demanding me to pay them back or else they will be garnishing my wages and take my tax refunds and social security in the future. People tell me to start paying my loans and I'm going "How the FUCK can I pay $1200 a month on a $9/hr job." Make a payment plan? Yeah right!! For what? For them to jack up the interest rate and STILL declare me as delinquent even though we agreed that I'd pay an "affordable" amount on my "budget"(Yeah right, WHAT BUDGET!!! I'm poor PERIOD!!) THEN put me on default and jack a penalty fee of $30,000? Employers will not hire me because of my credit and obviously think that I'm going to steal from them since I'm in debt AND the fact that I'm hispanic. Of course Arizona employers are going to think that way about hispanics. I've been turned down from 7 good paying jobs that could've helped me pay back the loans but no!! My life sucks!! Stuck here eating wheat bread and drinking water everyday. Just got fired from a warehouse job without a good explanation. They didn't even give me a chance ...
|Posted by anonymous at November 24, 2010
I am living her in texas now, i live far away from everything. My mom is an alcoholic and entirely unreliable, even though she puts up this ruse of being a professional nurse. I tried telling people about what its like living with her but they wouldn't listen, she fools everyone with a web of lies, and i get punished everytime i tell something to others that my mom doesn't want them to know.
I'm 20 years old, i moved out here originally when i was 18, then i moved back to be with a woman who i thought i loved, i traveled thirteen hundred miles to get back to california, and when i got there, she wouldn't even speak to me. When i was out here in texas my friends of 16 years replaced me with people who just made fun of me. I worked as a telemarketer for a long time, giving away more than half my paycheck to my grandmother in rent. Finally after i got fired i moved back to texas, california had nothing left for me but heartache, every where i went i was reminded of better times that were no longer.
When i first got here i told my mother that if she didn't help me get my license that i was going to the national gaurd and that she would see me when i get back. Well on the 15 of december this year, it will have been a year since ive come back. All my mother expects me to do is clean up the house after my little brother and her and whoever she decides is her boyfriend. I just got my permit for the first time in my life in september a week before i turned 20.
|Posted by anonymous at November 23, 2010
my problem is different from most i read here.. i'm 20 yrs. old and a college student, but still when i'm mad i freak out and cry so loud that can be heard by our neighbors.. i know it's embarrassing but i cannot control myself.. i also used to curse and say many evil words whenever i'm mad... I tried so many times to get rid of this attitude but i still doing the same things over again. . I'm also a negative person... since i was a kid, when my mother is angry she always say bad things to me.. and it imprinted on my mind.. (looks like i'm blaming her) that's why i'm not afraid spatting bad words to her face and i am so guilty with that.. i love her but cannot show her.. i keep on hurting her....and when i do that i hate myself more.. I can't understand myself.. i know what's right from wrong but i can't avoid doing wrong... i also have this tendency of exaggerating my anger,, i really have a problem in anger management.. but i'm only showing this to my family, those who really care for me.. i want to apologize to therm but my pride ate me already..
|Posted by anonymous at November 23, 2010
I'm pretty young, 13, but please don't tell me i realize this. I am gay when I told my dad he excepted it but when i told my mom she said that there was something wrong with her kids because my older sister is les. From that day on i tried my best to denie what i felt. it really hasn't worked out. My so called friends constantly ask if i am gay i tell them no.
when i first realized that i liked girls my best friend slept over my house (she likes girls as well) i was really attracted to her. Lately she wont talk to me or sit by me and she is just a completely different person but i really feel like i love her. I miss a lot of days in school because when i see her far away i get depresses and then i get a fever and nauseous it really is horrible. I am a straight A student with big goals but i'm not sure if ill make it when i get depressed i sleep. I once slept for 2 straight days having weird dreams and my dad was worried because i really didn't do anything to get so tired. I know my life doesn't really suck but still it feels nice to let it out.