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The sad life

Posted by yolo at July 1, 2012
Tags: July 2012

My life has been nothing but a mess. I feel like I am the only person living in the whole wide world and no one understands me. I fail at almost everything. I am not smart,I only passed most of my exam papers even after studying so hard for it. I don't have that many friends. Only one or two that stick around. Been bullied at high school and been looked down upon by many top achievers. Always the one to be picked on in a group and this seems to be true in every new group i find. Perhaps there is something wrong with me? I really don't know. I try to tell myself i am a nice person and i will treat people around me with respect. my father left my mother when i was really young and my mom and step-dad had raised me up. I was beaten as a child but i wouldn't blame my mother because she was feeling really pressured. Nevertheless, i tried to help her (as a very young child) in her business because i knew my responsibility as a son. Sometimes i would even go as far as buying food for the poor. i lack that emotional subtance because as a very young kid i was always "contained" by my parent. For example, whatever i said never stood in my favour and I would get beaten for that. because of this, i find it difficult to really communicate my thoughts effectively to the people around me , there is always this sense of fear. One moment i can be a very enthusiastic person and the next i can be very sad, quiet and unmotivated. As a young child, these are the reasons that brought me closer to Buddhism as I explore ways where i could better understand myself but really it's to no avail. I don't blame the religion but rather myself. I am unmotivated, sad, depressed, fearful of where my direction is headed to. If i don't put myself together, my existence will not have any meaning and i would be a complete waste of life. I always tell myself that i need to change for the better, be more sociable, help more people, be filled with energy , be passionate about life but in my present circumstance it's getting harder. I really want to change my life around, but the question is how? where do i start?
what should I do?


New Comment

By anonymous at 28,Nov,12 04:34

You still have two friends, a lot of ppl have none. By the way, you need to start fighting back against bullies. Get some confidence. Start kicking the bullies in the nuts and punching them in the face. Even if you lose the fight, they will get tired of you fighting back and move on to bullying other people eventually.

By anonymous at 02,Dec,12 00:01

well the first thing to do is not look on the internet for answers but within have the power and means to change your life BUT it will happen slowly the same as erosion of rocks by a stream over time.
By anonymous at 04,Dec,12 07:42

Well not everyone is able to think outside the box to search for answer when they're in a dilemma. Certain problems can't be shared with friends or publicly, sometimes Internet becomes your solution centre through some other people's experience of the same problems. Or else this website wouldn't exist. Well I don't understand the purpose of your presence here, is it help people to find solution or just make them feel bad for sharing the personal feelings or live. Actually most people visit this site to share the problem faced and hope for moral support or solution, if you know the answer for your life then why are you here in the first place
By anonymous at 05,Dec,12 14:36

i ti feel your pain. I am a socially retarded 44 year old bagger who has never had sex with a woman. I have given winos blowjobs, yet not real sex with women. The Lord God has forsaken me, and the devil justs laughs at me. I am physically unattractive and I have had women actually throw up when they look at me children scream when they see me. I have studied religion and nothing makes sense to me. I also have ADD, ADHD, OCD, IBS, RLS, AND MENS PMS. My father would finger my butthole and lick my nipples when I was a child and my mother breast fed me until i was 13. My father died awhile back due to syphilles. Why does my life suck so bad????? The only real enjoyment that I get is helping the homeless by giving them blowjobs. I do wear a bag over my head or they would probably run away. I have to go for now, my IBS is kicking.
By anonymous at 24,Dec,12 18:59

can u like fuck off? Why do u have to offend someone like that?

By anonymous at 05,Dec,12 14:44

By anonymous at 05,Dec,12 15:02

Hang in there, everyone is different and have different challenges, we don't really know what is our purpose of life but what we know is that we are here and we have to make the best of every difficulties we may haved to face. Appears that you are a bright and caring person, there's no denying that from your writing, thus, not everyone has that same compassion as you. Don't focus on the negatives, it's just going to bring you down but readjust and train your mind to be positive. Continue on with being yourself, full of energy and passion and things will change for the better. Keep doing the things that will make you happy and remember don't let anyone's negative actions or words put you down ever again.

By anonymous at 07,Dec,12 13:30

Mypussyis gonna explode!

By anonymous at 10,Dec,12 03:20

Hey I would reccommend exercise and/or weight lifting. I did and my emotional well being has improved a ton, im not depressed anymore, im more motivated, less lazy, more social, delveloped a better work ethic etc.. Its starting and being consistent thats the hard part, but once you get over that first beginner phase it becomes fun and something you like doing. Most psychologist agree that exercise is the best way to stay in mental shape. Highly reccommend it, even just push ups and sit ups to start is great.

It also seems that you have some wounds from being bullyed which is normal and nothing to be ashamed of. For this I would seek out a counselor or therapist, bullying can cause deep psychological wounds which need to be healed with the help of a professional. Your a strong person to have gone through what you have been through, your a brave individual. The cup is half full, dont think lowly of yourself, in a depressed state a person will usually think down upon themselves etc.. Everyone has certian skills and abilities sometimes it can take a while to find them though.

Jesus once said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28. He can give you rest, a new beginning, he can take all your burdens my friend. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends". John 15:13


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