i hate my life
|Posted by Just Me at July 1, 2012|
|Tags: July 2012|
I married a cheating sneak....even though I had wanted to call of our wedding I didn't want my friends and family to think badly of me..during our honeymoon I found out he was still cheating telling his random internet hookups he was on vacation with his friends..its been 10 years and I still can't trust him and every additional day it kills me slowly....we have a son whom I love and can't leave behind...I hate my life and feel as if I've been put on this earth to just suffer...I was molested by my stepfather as a child and no matter how many "hints" I gave my mom she never got me or she didn't care...at 7 years old I would leave books about telling ur parents with pages folded to certain areas..she never even asked me about it...at 12 I tried killing myself but only ended throwing up (I guess I didn't know how to truly attempt it) at one point I had the courage to tell my uncle what was going on, they decided to have a family meeting on this where my grandmother told me its not a child place to try to seperate their parents.....I hate my life so much I can't wait till its over, I don't want to commit suicide in the offchance their is a heaven and I mess my chances of having somewhat of a decent afterlife....this is just a piece of why I hate my life
you can change your future though. who cares if your family judges you, they obviously dont understand either way it goes. dump the piece of shit and find someone worth your time.
The greatest lesson I have learned is that it comes down to self-esteem. If I am down on myself, I can make it like the entire world is down on me. This is not true - although we can make it true.
You love your son and you know you have love and it sounds as if you have tremendous insight, strength of character, a giant heart and you are very articulate. It took (still does take practice) to acknowledge and implement the gifts I have in this lifetime and figure out what the H-double-hockey-sticks I am doing here! So, I make each day a little bit about paying forward. A LOT of people feel stuck and a lot of women and little girls - and boys (and even adult men who will never say-aloud) - go through what we went through. And because of this we second guess ourselves and our choices, options- and even choose mates who perpetuate our past in some way or another.
You sound articulate. Do you write, draw, paint, create, teach, sing, share? Do you meditate, do yoga, pray or have a practice that allows you to center physically (and spiritually if you feel comfortable) 5-20 minutes a day?
Feeling stuck is the worst self-esteem crusher. Self-esteem is such an awesome motivator. You are not stuck.
Post it to your mirrors, put it in a timed message in your phone, say it to yourself 10 times in 10-30 seconds (when going lu or in the car, or doing laundry - anytime) "I am unstuck and I have gifts to share" and then change it up as much as you like. It may feel silly at first. But it's your individual acknowledgement to you that no one else gave you - that you have always, always deserved.
You are NOT stuck.