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Fuck's Sake

Posted by Z1lla at July 5, 2012
Tags: July 2012

My mother is terminally ill of cancer. I quit my high paying corporate plush job to come home to take care of a dragon lady. My mothers so mean I haven't seen my fater or sister in the better part of 15 yrs. she drives away anyone close to her including friends. Not only do I deal with the constant nagging, the barking of orders, and dictionary of curse words that spill put of her mouth daily, I must cook every meal she eats (super picky won't let the sitter cook) change her diaper and clothes twice daily because the ovarian cancer disrupts her urine flow which in turn voids all control. She empties her bladder constantly. Sometimes when she deficates she misses the toilet. Her constant soiling of her self results in me changing her sheets, and doing laundry everyday. She's completely ungrateful and says I'm trying to kill her and says she's going to report me to social services everyday. This I believe is due to the hallucinations from the extremely potent narcotics she taking for pain control. She's completely controlling and demanding. I have no life, and I support her wholey, financially and emotionally. This isn't the worst part. She's my only family and literally everyhing I love. I get the privilege of watching her decay to nothing. Every waking moment of her life is filled with unimaginable agony. She went from being a proud independent and ridiculously strong woman to sniveling petty fear-filled shadow of a person. I've seen her overcome the most difficult obstacles and now she is being completely devastated by her life's greatest challenge. Her entire life she struggled to survive and it is no different in death. No rest not even in the end. I don't know what's worse the non stop pain riddled tears or the pleas to a deaf God she utters every five seconds begging for salvation or at least an end to the pain. She askes me save her all the time and only response I have is the despair racked silence we share knowing that the best and only way out is the finality of death. Fuck the world it can suck my cock.


New Comment

By anonymous at 18,Feb,13 02:50

Jesus, hang in there man. Your a much better son than me.
By anonymous at 19,May,13 18:08

best son in the world

By anonymous at 22,Feb,13 03:54

That's life.


And this is why I have zero respect for breeders

By anonymous at 26,Feb,13 14:11

The end will come. Things that cannot go on forever...don't.

I stopped believing in a God a while ago. For what it's worth, you are a good son and an honorable person.

By anonymous at 12,Mar,13 09:31

ok hun its very difficult but ya mum must be extremely terrified her self , its really hard caring for some one ,,,i know i am doing this day in day out ,,i long for time out to my self , keep strong ,, thinking of u ,, :)

By anonymous at 22,Mar,13 17:53

You are an amazing son- one, any parent would be lucky to have. Hang in there and stay strong...

By at 22,Apr,13 19:27

you are a brave person , Your mother is lucky to have you .


By anonymous at 29,Apr,13 15:35

Fuck man i was in the same situation. Those outburts are from the painkillers, they cause hallucinations. It's strange as fuck cause it doesnt feel like the mom you knew, but it helps to know if she was well again she would love you very much for what youve done. I wish i helped my own as much as youve helped your mom. Be strong

By anonymous at 26,Jun,13 07:06

U r a good son. Press on. She probably can't live very long either. She has so much pain in her from the cancer and medicine. She may be bad with her words towards u but don't blame her. Be compassionate towards her. This sounds hard I know. Always look on the bright side of the life, because there is no other side.

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