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untitled story

Posted by anonymous at July 6, 2012
Tags: July 2012

Ive always had low self esteem i don't have any friends well I call my co workers friends but it's not like we will ever hang outside of work. I don't think I'm attractive even though everyone says in very good looking I don't believe them. I have also been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years I love him so much but I resent him at the same time.when we first started dating I found out on my own he was HIV positive. I decided to stay with him because I really cared for him. We have an open relationship and it's because I found out he cheated on me multiple times and I didn't want to lose him so I stayed with him. I know it's pathetic but I honestly don't deserve better. I hate this open relationship thing it's besically him screwing all these other guys and me having no choice but to deal with it. I just found out I'm HIV positive I know it's my fault, I tried being careful but I think me becoming positive would have happened to me eventually because let's face it my life sucks. Now I cry every night because Im going to die (I have a fear of taking pills, Im scared I'm going choke on them) for me taking pills everyday for my life doesn't really seem like an option. I know my boyfriend doesn't love me and wants me to move out. I feel so ugly I have to be why else wouldn't he not like me? When ever i have a day off i feel so unwanted i hate my days off I can't go out since I have no friends to call. I feel so stupid for staying when I found out he was HIV its not like me to have had stayed. I gave him my love he gave me HIV I don't feel like living anymore. I honestly want to die I really want to kill myself. Im to much of a coward to kill myself and to much of a coward to live. I guess I just have to wait for this to kill me. I have nobody to talk to its really killing me not being able to vent. After all this I know my bf isn't a horrible person, I know he didn't want to infect me. He really is a great guy and a friend. I just wish he was like that with me.


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By at 24,Mar,13 21:44

that really sucks what your going through. it seems as though your boyfriend broke the law if he knew he was HIV positive and didn't tell you. he could go to jail for that stuff. love or not HIV is no joke and well I mean you never know but especially if there is a shadow of a doubt you would want to get him tested. it seems as though that is all water under the bridge now and well you made a choice to stay with him regardless of everything so well you cant put all your eggs in a basket. you should just break it off with him take your pills and go find a happy relationship where you will be respected with someone else who is HIV positive.

By at 22,Apr,13 19:18

I can only say that although he did not deserve you , he was hell lucky to have a person who really cared about him / loved him so much, in-spite knowing everything ...

I wish he can understand that how difficult it is to find people who really do care about you , like you do.

By Ibrahim at 06,May,13 01:35

In terms of HIV antibody tetnisg, non reactive means negative. If your test would have been positive, you would have seen the phrase repeatedly reactive ( repeatedly , because the test is always repeated if the result is positive.). I do tetnisg using the Orasure antibody test. The phrases nonreactive or repeatedly reactive are always used, rather than Positive or Negative . The phrasing can be confusing to people being tested, and I believe that the person who gives you your results has the responsibility to explain those results to you. I am required to give results in person, NOT by phone or mail, and explain what those results mean.Since it can take some time for antibodies to show up on tests, consider retesting if you have had any unprotected sex or other risky behavior within the 3-6 months prior to the test. More than 98% of people test positive within 3 months. In rare cases, it could take up to 6 months for someone to test positive.

By Julz at 15,May,17 01:42

Didn't know the forum rules allowed such brlliiant posts.

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