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I'm fucked in the head

Posted by anonymous at July 7, 2012
Tags: July 2012

I am a 16 year old, upper middle class,female, living in England. I live with my parents, who brought me up protestant christian, but I'm atheist and my brother often comes back from university for holidays, i am dyslexic (which can be annoying but oh well)I have relatively good grades and in September i will begin studying horse training. I have been riding horses since i was 6 and i love the thrill of it. I have my own horse and i want to make a career of it.I bet your thinking what a spoiled little bitch, complaining about her perfect life. I have friends(not popular not unpopular)i think I'm relatively attractive but i would personally like to lose a little weight, but doesn't every teenage girl. So, board yet? I know i am, and that my problem(or one of them)i love and hate my life, it seems so perfect but I'm board, i have a very hectic life but noting happens. I love a thrill, danger, but not the type you get from a roller coaster. Its hard to explain, i feel like i am screaming inside my own head.I want to someone to hurt me, i want to feel pain (emotionally) just to release my mind from perpetual boredom, I've wondered what it would be like to kill someone, or kill myself, i almost did once just based on curiosity. Everyone is so fucking boring, i want a puzzle, or a fright. I do role-plays in my head of someone trying to rape me, just so have have an excuse to stab them, just to make myself a little more interesting. I don't think I'm a psychopath as i do feel guilt. However i almost never feel empathy, i do occasionally for homeless people and starving children, but when my friend got raped, i didn't care, i even thought she kind of deserved it for being stupid enough to walk i not that trap, even after i warned her about it. I'm not complaining, i just wanted to speak up. And do you know what is the worst thing, i actually like that I'm so fucked. It makes me a little more interesting.


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By anonymous at 09,Jul,13 22:12

You're a sociopath, like in the show Twisted. Look it up and if you match the definition, get some help before you do anything you may regret.

By anonymous at 10,Jul,13 14:31

HA i know exactly how you feel. i have friends have the opportunity for a job (though i dont have one) but the worst feelign of all id the boredom. i had a talk with my friend while walking home from another monotonous day ta school that we hoped something bad would happen on 2012 just to spice up life. mass destruction, death, anything. its just so boring and repetitive and predictable. i have that apathetic attitude too. life is boring. whether its death, or danger, you just want something new. somethign to spice things up.

By anonymous at 08,Jan,14 16:24

How are you these days, please update me.

By Kasara at 20,May,16 11:08

Your's is the inetillgent approach to this issue.

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