Nothing's really the way I'd like it to be. I'm 16, studying at higschool, at the end of the week I feel exhausted from all the school work and my grades are average anyway. I could say I'm just an average anywhere, there is really nothing I am good at, there are things I suck at, like- sports and things I'm average at.
I've got few friends, really there is only one that I talk to the most and yet I got the feeling I have no friends at all. Noone really knows me. I'm not good at making new friends, I guess I'm too shy. People often get the wrong first impression of me, they think I'm weird and they don't want to be friendly with me. I myself think I'm a really boring person. I allways want to do something fun and interesting, but there is not a single chance to do stuff.
I spend most of my time at home by the pc, how misirable. I got low self-esteem. I got a physical defect called pectus excavatum, it's sunk in chest, only 2 people outside my family know about it.
I have never had any kind of relationship with a girl, seems like girls don't like me, I'm not attractive. I've been chatting on the internet with girls, failed most of the time, but I also found a girl that liked me, but we are falling apart already and nothing has happened yet. Internet is not the way I'd like to meet girls.
I'm in a bad economycal situation, I see others buying things they like, and I can't afford anything, that makes me so jellous. I don't know what am I going to do after the higschool, college is too expensive. I don't feel any kind of emotional support from people around me, feels like I'm one against the world with all my hopes and dreams.
When I tell my story to someone, they say it's not that bad, but they are in better situation then I am, and they just try to make me feel better. Noone really knows how is it to be in my shoes. Sure most of these things are not that important, but when you sum everything up you get a boring joyless life with no great plans for the future and you just don't see what's the point of life If you can't enjoy it.
P.S. Sorry for my spelling, english isn't my native language.