I just turned 20 and I've been depressed since I was 14/15. I wanted to become a doctor, but my depression affects the way I think. I'm overanxious which causes me to do badly on every test I take in college, in fact I just took a chemistry final exam and am beyond nervous to see the grade because I need a 70 just to get a C. So from this point to the point where the grade is posted I'm going to be a ball of stress worrying about getting a D and if I do get it, I probably will have to drop out of pre-med because my grades will be too low.
In addition to that, I hate the way I look, I have horrible luck, my self esteem is non existent almost to the point where I don't want to be noticed because I feel like people are making fun of me. My life is unbearably bland, nothing to look forward too. The only girl I love flipped out on me & is no longer in my life. I see my friends only once a month since they moved away, my job is boring and people always seem to take their anger and crap out on me, especially when I'm extremely nice to them. My life feels out of control and it feels like I'm being pushed.
For me to be happy, all I want is a girlfriend who isn't emotionally abusive and good grades, but I can't come by either and things that I do have such as my health and my family seems to be deteriorating as well. I just don't understand what's wrong and life really is a bummer right now... | |