Before I start my sorry, let me tell you my English kinda sucks as it's not my native language.. Anyway that's not even the biggest issue. The real issue is the fact I have become the shawdow of the person I used to be.
I used to be a well liked guy, I was perceived as funny and cool to be with, rather not bad looking. Self confidence has always been a problem for me but it didn't show so I used to be able to could get away with it.
Then things started to change in 2005 when a physical (medical but not too serious) problem started to arise. Basically I started to sweat more than usual. I used all sort of over the counter medication but it always kinda failed.. Now it's alright I have sort of managed to control the issue but the psychological done is almost irreversible. I started to withdraw myself, called sick at work all the time because I couldn't face being around people, turned down friends invitations... Five years down the line, I am lonely, I feel trapped, too old to start a new career, and I feel like I can't do the job I was trained to do because how could I help people when I can't help myself!!!???
So basically I am almost 33 years old , I am broke because I have left my previous job, I can't face meeting new people and I feel I have developped a drink problem. Last Friday I drank so much and freaked out, I kinda wanna to kill myself. I called the equivalent of 991 to get advice coz I didn't know who to talk to. I didn't even give my name but within 5 minutes two ambulance crew and two cops turned at my door. It made things a lot worse.. They frog marched me to an ambulance.. How f** embarassing is that??
Anyway my life sucks and I am thinking about jumping off a bridge sometimes soon if things do not get better. | |
Life is not the prettiest of affairs, we all go through the bullshit life throws at us. You have ur sweating problem and I had acne. Now it wasn't ur typical whiteheads tiny pimples you can barely notice, I mean I had some huge fucking volcanos on my face. Which started in middle school and persisted until the end of high school and then some. But the only thing I could do was keep pushing forward, everyone thought I was the nicest person who was really in touch with his feelings and "down to earth" but what else could I do? I had nothing going for me on the outside so I had to look in. It really turned me into a caring person. Sometimes we have to stop looking at all of our imperfections and reach out to others like us who are suffering through physical or mental hardships, it transforms you. Imagine if everyone helped someone else through counseling or what have you the worked would be a better place full of caring people. Do not throw your life away. Maybe what you could do is try to make someones life worth living.
Lalin voice of aldrich
I can't be so lucky and die young. Sick joke bring me into this world! Such a waste!
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