Where to start? Bio-dad was killed when I was six months old. "Step" dad is a great guy (seriously...this is my one bit of good luck) - with a certifiably crazy sister who emotionally abused me for as long as I can remember (told me...when I was SIX...that I was "so fat" I'd never have any friends, let alone a boyfriend). My journals tell me I've been depressed since I was 12 - that was 32 years ago. I wasn't diagnosed with depression until I was well into my 30s. Was depressed and overweight...no boyfriends, only one real friend (who I think just felt sorry for me) to speak of...virgin until I was 26. Married the first guy I slept with. We were married for a couple of months before things started going sour. Then I fell in love...with a woman. Was still in love with my husband even though he'd quit the marriage (Long before I met the woman). We stayed married for four miserable (and emotionally abusive) years before he decided he didn't want to be married anymore. No real reason...and I found out when HE LEFT A NOTE IN MY CAR to tell me "I don't want to be married anymore". I was working part-time (I had quit my full time job because we were going to start a family - one more thing I failed at...unable to have children). No money, no real job, no real prospects, no place to live. Bankruptcy, eviction (the rental house I was living in after my divorce got sold), new girlfriend, new apartment. Girlfriend becomes disabled and I am now the sole supporter for both of us and her VERY expensive medications. Apartment floods and ruins the rugs and my good furniture. Expensive car repairs, job that is necessary and sometimes personally fulfilling but doesn't pay well...Apartment continues to flood on a regular basis. Mushrooms growing in the hallway. Exterminator has to be called because the apartment building is infested with fruit flies...trip to a hotel with gf and four cats. At work - the fifth director in as many years has decided he doesn't like the way my shift is run (I work night shift with one other person)- four years, four directors and never a problem...new guy decides he doesn't like the way things are and make my life (and my work partner's life) a living hell for almost a year before finally backing off. Then... FINALLY, a break...Gf gets on medicare and I don't have to come up with almost 600$/month for her meds. Bathroom sink won't turn off - call the landlord ... there's going to be an inspection in less than 30 days to make sure the living conditions are "sanitary" (Uh...they're not...mold from wet carpets...a leak in the bathroom ceiling from the upstairs tub)... meanwhile, bathroom is flooding, carpet in bedroom and hallway is soaked. We need to move before we get evicted. Find a place - can't get financed because it's a mobile home built prior to 1995. Can get a mortgage (because after the bankruptcy I worked really hard to rebuild my credit)but not for enough to buy a decent place in a nice neighborhood - just a bad place in a "so-so" neighborhood or a so-so place in a bad neighborhood. Did I mention gf's dad has cancer? Yeah...doctor told her mom to start making funeral arrangements. The weight on my shoulders has driven me to my knees - where I sprained both knees and my back and one shoulder. This has been my life in a nutshell...and these are just the highlights - can you imagine my daily existence? | |
are you good in and?
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