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Wanna feel better about your life? Read about mine

Posted by Jodie at May 14, 2011
Tags: Addictions  Anxiety  Death  Loneliness  2011 May  Poverty

Life for me has become unbearable. From the day I was born I was destined to be in pain. While my mom was pregnant with me my biological father died in a freak accident. My mom, who had many demons, became a very bad alcoholic. My life was one crisis after another. By the time I was 10 I developed severe anxiety disorder. It would continue to haunt me for years along with severe depression.

There was a time I thought I had hope for a decent future. Despite living a life of abuse, chaos, tragedy and lonliness I managed to graduate with honours. I got a great job. But no matter how hard I tried to be "normal" I could not run from myself. I could not run from the horrors that plagued my life. Then the final blow - my mother died 5 years ago. She was just 47 years old. Despite the way I grew up, my mother and I were very very close and losing her killed me. Soon after I found myself addicted to oxycontin. What started off as the means to end the painful back problems I had quickly developed into an addiction from hell. I found oxy to relieve not just my physical pain but my mental pain and anxiety. Since then I have gone from bad to worse. I've isolated myself to the point where the phone NEVER rings for me. No friends, no nothing. The only thing that keeps me going are my kids. Thank God for them. Nothing else matters but them.

I live in poverty, am trying to straighten my trashed life out but honestly I just want to die. I don't want to wake up every day and be reminded of the failure that I am. I don't want to endure this pain anymore. I just want to be gone. I want my soul to be at peace and only death can bring peace for me. For me, life is nothing but immense pain that never ends. I have been physically and emotionally destroyed and I am a failure completely. I can't do anything right. I am a lousy housekeeper, I have NO motivation, no interest in life, no hope and no desire to go on anymore. If not for my precious babies there would be no question, I would gladly die and go be with my mom.


Similar Entries:
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My Life sucks March 13, 2012
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Surrendering May 8, 2012
There's really nothing to live for. February 2, 2010

New Comment

By anonymous at 23,May,11 13:11

I'm so sorry :( I know exactly how you feel. Are you receiving professional help? I hope things start looking up for you. Even if nothing has worked before, please consider other alternative therapies.

By anonymous at 23,May,11 17:55

Your life does sound very crappy- but you have to think of your kids. You don't want them to go through what happened to you.

By anonymous at 24,May,11 03:03

I feel for you and I feel the pain. But please, you can do it . Just look at your children and live for them. I want to let you know that Jesus Christ died for you and loves you so much. Ask Him for help or ask from a church. You can live again.
By anonymous at 08,Mar,12 20:42

im SO SORRY :( i wish i could say i know what your going thru but i dont sorry, theres a reason your not with your mom not only your kids but because your not ready ; look at my dad he has done drugos, has had about 3 maybe 2 strokes almost every year and he hasnt gone and im so thankful for that but the point is theres a reason your still here: your not ready to go yet..and your kids need be thankful for everyday you have with them.

By anonymous at 24,May,11 08:46

omg your life is so screwed. But dun worry. There's always a purpose in life. Find a purpose to it. For a soul, there are many reincarnations and lives to it. Just treat it as though your this life is meant to suffer and know all the sufferings of people, then learn to help as many people as possible to gain good karma to get to heaven. If you are a deep buddhist believer, meditate intensely and free all your worries and tension in life, and perhaps, you may become a living buddha. From then on, you can live good life in heaven, as a buddha and be freed from samsara. :) Good luck trying.

By at 24,May,11 19:03

It sounds like you have had a prty rough life and i no that it sux. Remember that you are not a failure you are amazing just because bad things happen to you, doent make u responsible all the time. try to get out of ur rut try talking to ur kids. if they r old enouigh they could help u through ur rough spot in ur life

By anonymous at 24,May,11 22:28

I am sorry for what you are going through. I know it isn't easy, but things may look up one day. Sometimes, even if it doesn't work out, hope is all we have. With that little hope, even if it is not fruitful may help you get through the day. Just think of the day and nothing else. Empty your thoughts, see your children smile and think of something you love to do and find a moment to do it. I don't know, sometimes advice is just annoying, but I am sorry to hear that you feel this way.

By anonymous at 24,May,11 23:18

My sister been on oxycoton for 8 yrs for back and always had increase the amount 3 80s and 2 40s a day and slowly went from pretty to old lady and doesn't leave the house. Stay with her now to help with the kids. The father shot himself last year. Getting worse everyday

By anonymous at 25,May,11 08:54

Dude, you have kids. Live for them. I too am in the same situation, except, I have no kids, or anyone left that cares for me, and I'm a meth addict. And you know what? I look up to you. You still have a chance to become an example for someone... Your kids.

By anonymous at 27,May,11 13:38

you need to be positive. i know cheesy.

you just feel neglected.

here... you are a good mom. you did not leave them. you wake up and try and that is all anyone can ask.

if i knew you i would come over there give you a hug. wait till your kids left then fuck you. pull down your panties and lick around your cunt. tell you how you feel so good. that you you make me feel even better. how everyday i am at work i daydream about you.
then i would grab your hand with mine and put it betweein your thighs. I would start to finger you all the while sucking on your clit. then massage your back with oil. with your favorite song playing the background now i start on urass then put my cock in. then fuck you agian.

then try to clean your house
By anonymous at 07,Nov,11 06:14

Oh God don't know if this is good or bad.

By anonymous at 27,May,11 20:46

Dude atleast u have a girl i dont got nothing i hate it all i wish i was better..

By anonymous at 28,May,11 00:24

the day your babies were born your life as you see it ended anyway.It's now thier life not yours.Do you want to end thier lifes?

By Missy at 01,Jul,11 01:43

Jodie listen to me I have a great job as well but no chldren I am not married. When I my freind died in a fire I was ready to end it but I knew in my heart it would bring back Kerri. If you kill yourself then your children would be with out a mother and possinly end in state ot foster cusdity. For tuor sdditction O suggest going to rehab. It helped me when I was addtictto ice. I got out before it would take my life. I second in command I mjust got theis promtion nd I ma not going to let things like having bad be an excuse. I know I sound like a jerk but If rehab doesn't then go to detoxcs. You be there for thre months and I am sure your boss would understand that you are getting help. Mine did Now I am working for a good boss and he understnd I did to get this far in my job.

By anonymous at 27,Jul,11 09:52

hey jodie do not ever think that way baby.i care for is gotta take care of your kids honey.if you feel depressed then cal me i am karthik.9966058002.i will be there for you to help with what you want to be.take care honey.bye.dont forget to call me.have a happy life.

By anonymous at 07,Oct,11 03:02

Quite your mind. Stay present.

By anonymous at 04,Dec,11 06:10

same feeling these months with your last paragraph, just all pains for now and no hope for the future, and addicts. the whole sucking past pains have already destroyed me.

it's good to write them down for open advices. It show you still have hope.
If there are 10 peole has same situation as you, you are the best of them, because most peole like you shall never seek for a better life and totally lose hope.

a tip might help: try to watch several videos on every aspect on youtube, just to see the variaity of life.
How magician performs, how North Korean people lives, how fancy tech new concepts, whatever. It's no harm just to open your eyes to others things.

By anonymous at 21,Jan,12 07:52

Amen!!! That post should have been written by me cause it sounded like it was about me.

By anonymous at 26,Feb,12 12:02

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TO GET OVER UR PAST.i know its hard but give it atry...and live for ur children .share ur happiness and enjoy what you do...believe in prayers..everything will fall into place..

By at 14,Apr,12 00:43

u gotta stay possitve im a young mom and i struggle but i cant give up i got my daughter im here if u need someone to talk to i find my happiness while helping otheres vicariously thru them my happiness

By anonymous at 18,May,12 11:23

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL except I don't have kids but loved ones suffering YES be happy find hope in yourself I know its in you I have hope to share with you.

By Walter Wortinger at 28,Jun,12 19:18

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By anonymous at 06,Jul,12 00:46

My god can I relate to you. I wish I could reach out through my laptop and give you a hug. People who haven't had half the shit happen in their lives like us just don't understand how badly we feel inside. I don't know why I keep going, honestly, but I still feel bad for people who hurt so I wish you the best of luck in your journey and I will tell you one thing: find the things that make you happy and CLING to them like a bitch! Otherwise, what's the point right?

By anonymous at 27,Oct,12 22:26

Your right there is no point in life. Misery upon misery compounded by misery. Your probably right things will probably never get better. I have been hoping that they will get better for me and it just gets worse. Time to get release.

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