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Just keep telling myself, "If I leave, it'll be better."

Posted by anonymous at February 26, 2010
Tags: 2010 February  General

My parents were sitting around with friends one hot summer night. One of them was a heavy set woman, who's name forgets me right now. I was sitting next to her, when all of a sudden my Uncle and Brother called for me to come look at a June Bug who had flown up onto our wall. I stood up, quickly, and my Femur Bone - the biggest in the human body - snapped in half. I was three. That's probably the earliest memory I have. Shear, unspeakable pain. I would go onto to have seven more (waiting for number 8 which is due anytime now). My first day at kindergarten, I remember balling my eyes out. Clinging to my mother as the teacher tried to pull me away. Into the abyss I would come soon to hate with all my heart and soul: School. That same year my grandfather died from complications of smoking and drinking. I remember seeing his casket. "This is how it ends, I suppose." At the age of 12, right before entering High School, my father decided he didn't want to be with my mother anymore - after 19 years of marriage. The impending divorce took my mom, my brother and I to my Grandmother's House, who had just passed away. My mom started seeing a guy who was 20 years her younger. He took care of us for a while. School never got better for me. I was an angry, stuck up, punk ass little coward who didn't know how to control emotions or thoughts. I never went to dances, date any girls, go to any football games (maybe 2 or 3 total) never joined sports, and, ultimately, drop out. At the age of 17 I got a job at Ralphs, and got with a girl who lived an hour and a half away from me. 3-4 times a week, I would drive over, pick her up as she snuck out of her house at 1 in the moring, take her to a back canyon, and make love to her. 4 months later, her father found out. And threatened charges (none came about, there was little he could get me for). Soon after, my job at Ralphs went on strike. 5 months on a picket line. After than I got with a beautiful girl who would eventually become pregnant with my child. 3 months into the pregnancy, she had an abortion behind my back. I went to Montana. Got into a fight with the guy who took me in. I came back to LA. Got with another girl. The I burned my old school down. And spent three years in prison. The girl left, and is now working on child number 3 in another State. Now, life is what it has always shown itself to be: A hopeless perpetual nightmare. Nothing good can come from it. And that's my conviction. I want to leave, and continue to tell myself that if I do - if I just pack up and leave - it will be better. I'm still going to do it. If it's the last thing I do on this earth.


New Comment

By anonymous at 26,Feb,10 22:28

your a pussy a punk and an idiot. think about the 12 year olds spending 12 hours everyday in sweatshops for little over a dollar in jobs that will kill them by their mid 30s. you burned down your SCHOOL? what a punk ass. you selfish whiney bastard.

By anonymous at 26,Feb,10 22:28

and by little over a dollar I mean per DAY.

By anonymous at 28,Feb,10 21:19

You're really still a whiney ass punk. All of the things you describe are your own fault. You will spend your life blaming everyone else for your sorry ass life because you don't want to man up and take responsibility for yourself. Stop breeding ,there are enough unwanted children out there. Please get your nuts cut so you don't make more children for my tax dollars to support. If it is at all possibly, become a decent working MAN. If not, please step in front of a train or something because we have WAY too many people like you.

By anonymous at 03,Mar,10 05:20

It's funny cause I think this is a fucked up story. And yet, the other people who posted comments are probably right...Regret is a hard thing, but it's difficult to say how much of a burden this guy is putting on everybody else; probably quite a but though. Still, he's got a rating "6" on "yeah, that suck." What's the score here, anyways? Is there a rating? I mean, if other people come here to talk shit about people, that must mean that they're either a.) bored out of their minds, b.) having problems themselves, or c.) trying to criticize others to cover up those problems. Just a thought anyways.

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