I am really thinking about hanging myself. I am 30, unemployed and unable to support myself. I had to move back in with my Mum and sleep on a fold out sofa in a spare room. Its so humiliating. I was a marine but I was discharged because of injuries I got in my knees from training, I never deployed. I had got a job on this farm, but the owner was insane, he beat the animals and never paid me. I lived in the middle of nowhere nad spend all my time on my own, my only friend was this sheepdog I found there. When I left I brought her with me, but I cant look after her and dont know what to do.
All my old school friends are married, with jobs and lives but I literally have nothing. Seeing them makes me feel so shit. All my relationships brake down, my girlfriend left me for her boss. I loved her so much and was really angry, I said I would kill him if I saw him and called her some terrible names. I dont know what that makes me, she wont speak to me now. I keep having people shout at me and get nasty because they misunderstand things I say or do, I just cant seem to communicate. All my relationships have broken down, i just sit inside all day, so angry.
I know there are people in the world with even less than me, I just feel so alone in my life and unhappiness and cant see anyway out of it. Id be embarrased to hang myself, but because i feel like my life is of no benefit to anyone I feel so negative. Ive never felt like this before, just so scared its only gonna get worse and feel really really lonely | |
Please download and read the books I've linked to below. If you incorporate their wisdom into your life, you'll have all the happiness possible in this wretched world. Also keep in mind that it's impossible to think clearly without meditating for atleast 30 mins every day.
"Let me speak plainly. However close the bond of friendship, love,
marriage--a man, ultimately, looks to himself, to his own welfare
alone; at most, to his child's too. The less necessity there is for
you to come into contact with mankind in general, in the relations
whether of business or of personal intimacy, the better off you are.
Loneliness and solitude have their evils, it is true; but if you
cannot feel them all at once, you can at least see where they lie; on
the other hand, society is _insidious_ in this respect; as in offering
you what appears to be the pastime of pleasing social intercourse, it
works great and often irreparable mischief. The young should early be
trained to bear being left alone; for it is a source of happiness and
peace of mind."
-Schopenhauer
If people shout at you, fuck them. They are the assholes, NOT YOU. If you are a good, kind person, then know YOU are not the one who is fucked up. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Maybe THEY are the ones with communication problems, ever think about that? Toughen up, my love. Be strong. Fight. Fight and fight. It's better to be on the side of good, even if you fail in the end. But there is someone, somewhere, or at least many animals, who need you. Don't puss out.
There are times when I too feel like it would make life easier to just do away with myself. I then think, would it be easier, for whom? I have three kids, would that really be easier for them? Certainly not.
You need to focus on the positive aspects about yourself, you are a hard worker and need to find something that is meaningful for you. Maybe you could volunteer somewhere? Seeing other people needing and helping others sometimes takes the focus off ourselves. It also shows that you DO have a lot to offer and helps us see how things aren't as bad as we sometimes think. Maybe even visiting other soldiers might help. Try, please don't give up.
Negativity...I have been there, try and focus on the positive please.
dont lose hope...
god is always beside you and guide you of wat u have doin...
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