I have been battling depression now for half of my life, and I turn 25 this Tuesday. Just when I think things can't get any worse, they always do. I am a stay at home mom to a 3 year old. His father and I have been together for 5 years, and he has recently revealed that he doesn't really love me. That he's just with me for our son. To him I'm nothing. I want to get out, but we live in a small town and I don't have a car. He works split shifts six days a week and won't let me borrow his car so I can get a job to save money to get out. Living with family is not an option. I have lost about 50 lbs in the past year and have no money for new clothes, so I look like a ragamuffin. I am ashamed to go out into public with my old, threadbare, falling-apart, too big clothes. All this, and he makes plenty of money to help me get on my own two feet... He just doesn't care enough about me to do so. I cry myself to sleep every night knowing the man next to me has never loved me and has been the biggest waste of my time. I just wish I could crawl into a hole and never come out... I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up. Hell, I wish I could just put a gun to my head and pull the trigger (I fantasize about it several times a day) but I can't bear the thought of my little man growing up without a mommy. So here I am with nobody to love me, except the little boy I can't even provide for. Plus, this Tuesday is my birthday and the few friends I do have are too busy doing other stuff to bother with spending time with me. Happy birthday to me... And no, it doesn't beat the alternative.
maybe u wont get the love u want from the person u are with, but who knows maybe someday u will find someone that will rlly love u, till that day theres already someone that will love u: ur son.
just do the best u can for him, and he will be rlly grateful couse of all u did for him, he will see you like the best in the world for fighting in such sad life and making his life better...
happines can find u in the corner of ur street, just move on, go out with ur kid, he will always be with you ^^
Make steps to gaining control of your life.
If we do not change, but stay as we are, the penalty is that we stay WHERE we are , physically and mentally.
if we want to move forward in life, then we have to change in some way.
Say to yourself "I am responsible'
I am in control of my life'
Make, sure but small steps; to gaining control of your life.
Successful people accept responsibility for themselves.
They do not blame others for their condition.
they asses their condition and if its not working then they remove the unnecessary stuff and move on,because they have a positive self image.
develop a positive self image.
If you sat at a park bench, only to realize after a moment that there is dog dirt right next to you and vomit on the bench and your sat in it. then sitting there and discussing it with yourself doesn't change anything.
Neither does telling somebody who passes by or closing your eyes and holding your breath.
You must, as you would in actual life, get up and move to another bench, one that fits your self image.
Do you really need a car to work?
a bicycle? sound strange at first . but there are only positive benefits. the only down side is it take a bit longer to get from A to B. ( you don't need to find a parking space)
hope some of this helps.
Most important of all, YOU must do this for YOURSELF and nobody else.
your son will reap the positives with out even realizing.
If I could just solve one part of this, I feel like things would fall into place. If I could get transportation, I could look for a job. If I had a job, I could buy clothes (my newest article of clothing is over a year old). I speak 3 languages, I am mature, responsible, beautiful (now that I have lost the weight I feel like it anyway) but I am stuck. I haven't a clue how I can get out of this mess unless he helps me help myself, but he just doesn't care. Seems he'd rather chew his own arm off then help me get myself onto my feet.
But there is something i once asked, why we are here, why we r living, and i thought countless of times if god can just undo me, u know, like i have never existed, but this posed this logical question, why did then god create me if i will ask him not to, u know?
Ayway, i came to this conclusion, if u fast forward and imagine u r in heaven, which is something so beautiful and good that u cant even
imagine, imagine then god offering to undo u, god can do that, what would that reply be? I think everyone will say, no way, please god leave me here, thank u very much for creating me.
Hence, god created us to put us in heaven, because god love us, we only need to find god, coz what god tells us to do, is ofcourse whats best for us.
I hope this will help u, coz no matter who u r, or what u r, u r in the eye of god, the most beautiful creation in the world.
I never knew my father, my mother gave me up for adoption when I was 6 mths old. Lived w/grandparents - grandfather was an alcoholic and a child molester. But I have succeeded both professionally, have kept fit, and sane. How? By taking each day one day at a time. I won't be back to this site again. I was just trying to find a solution to my husband's anger towards others. And I see it's because he's feeling sorry for himself. Hmmmm, maybe I should send him to this site so he can feel better about himself.
i suggest you take out one of the capitalist pigs that
has made this world so rotten and leave a note letting
people know why you did it it was a cry against
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