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I'm so tired of living

Posted by anonymous at April 18, 2010
Tags: 2010 April  Loneliness  Poverty  Relationship

I have been battling depression now for half of my life, and I turn 25 this Tuesday. Just when I think things can't get any worse, they always do. I am a stay at home mom to a 3 year old. His father and I have been together for 5 years, and he has recently revealed that he doesn't really love me. That he's just with me for our son. To him I'm nothing. I want to get out, but we live in a small town and I don't have a car. He works split shifts six days a week and won't let me borrow his car so I can get a job to save money to get out. Living with family is not an option. I have lost about 50 lbs in the past year and have no money for new clothes, so I look like a ragamuffin. I am ashamed to go out into public with my old, threadbare, falling-apart, too big clothes. All this, and he makes plenty of money to help me get on my own two feet... He just doesn't care enough about me to do so. I cry myself to sleep every night knowing the man next to me has never loved me and has been the biggest waste of my time. I just wish I could crawl into a hole and never come out... I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up. Hell, I wish I could just put a gun to my head and pull the trigger (I fantasize about it several times a day) but I can't bear the thought of my little man growing up without a mommy. So here I am with nobody to love me, except the little boy I can't even provide for. Plus, this Tuesday is my birthday and the few friends I do have are too busy doing other stuff to bother with spending time with me. Happy birthday to me... And no, it doesn't beat the alternative.


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By anonymous at 19,Apr,10 17:57

Before you kill yourself do something for your kid to remember you by. Something nice like writing a book for children or making a family home video. Then go out like a champ, shoot a politician and go out in a hail of gunfire or set yourself on fire in protest...use your imagination.
By anonymous at 20,Apr,10 22:31

You are a moron.
By anonymous at 27,Apr,10 17:14 Fold Up

wtf your gay
By anonymous at 24,Oct,11 10:03 Fold Up

you are the worst piece of shit i can ever imagine , why dont you go kill yourself one less moron in the world ,you son of a bitch
By anonymous at 01,Mar,12 19:56 Fold Up

This advice is a little crazy and a little funny.

By anonymous at 21,Apr,10 00:35

Umm, yeah, I didn't say I was going to kill myself. I couldn't leave my little boy behind to think I didn't love him enough to stick around. Douche. Find something better to do than make someone's day that much shittier.
By anonymous at 21,Apr,10 02:02

I'm so sorry to hear... You should go to a lawyer, or... Hell, I don't know, but you need to do something. I'd even say steal something if you have to, but that's a horrible suggestion.

By anonymous at 23,Apr,10 00:55

u rlly shouldnt kill yourself, just think in ur son
maybe u wont get the love u want from the person u are with, but who knows maybe someday u will find someone that will rlly love u, till that day theres already someone that will love u: ur son.

just do the best u can for him, and he will be rlly grateful couse of all u did for him, he will see you like the best in the world for fighting in such sad life and making his life better...

happines can find u in the corner of ur street, just move on, go out with ur kid, he will always be with you ^^

By anonymous at 27,Apr,10 17:13

my birthday is this sunday and the girl that just borke up with me on friday. we mad plans a long time ago an some time in the middle of aprl she desides to tell me that she is skiping for a soccer game that she dont even have to go to! but now we broke up and my life sucks even more! i dont undertsnad te point of living!

By at 05,May,10 10:10

Hey there,

Make steps to gaining control of your life.

If we do not change, but stay as we are, the penalty is that we stay WHERE we are , physically and mentally.

if we want to move forward in life, then we have to change in some way.
Say to yourself "I am responsible'
I am in control of my life'

Make, sure but small steps; to gaining control of your life.

Successful people accept responsibility for themselves.
They do not blame others for their condition.

they asses their condition and if its not working then they remove the unnecessary stuff and move on,because they have a positive self image.

develop a positive self image.

If you sat at a park bench, only to realize after a moment that there is dog dirt right next to you and vomit on the bench and your sat in it. then sitting there and discussing it with yourself doesn't change anything.

Neither does telling somebody who passes by or closing your eyes and holding your breath.

You must, as you would in actual life, get up and move to another bench, one that fits your self image.

Do you really need a car to work?
public transport

a bicycle? sound strange at first . but there are only positive benefits. the only down side is it take a bit longer to get from A to B. ( you don't need to find a parking space)

hope some of this helps.

Most important of all, YOU must do this for YOURSELF and nobody else.
your son will reap the positives with out even realizing.
By anonymous at 09,Aug,10 22:11

wow that was deep...u helped me thank u

By at 08,May,10 01:44

You paying for the bicycle? The closest business (a 7-11) is over 6 miles away from my home. It's another 4 miles to anything else. There is no public transportation here. I live in a small town in the country and I know no one.

If I could just solve one part of this, I feel like things would fall into place. If I could get transportation, I could look for a job. If I had a job, I could buy clothes (my newest article of clothing is over a year old). I speak 3 languages, I am mature, responsible, beautiful (now that I have lost the weight I feel like it anyway) but I am stuck. I haven't a clue how I can get out of this mess unless he helps me help myself, but he just doesn't care. Seems he'd rather chew his own arm off then help me get myself onto my feet.
By anonymous at 13,Feb,13 16:26

have you considered a PT work-at-home job? I am going through the same as you except for me it was last Feb. and the man I love more than anything no longer loves me except as a friend.

By anonymous at 09,May,10 14:01

that story was so sad

By anonymous at 04,Jul,10 19:49

You I know how you feel I take pills for my depression in hopes that they might one day work but dear, suicide is not the answer I've thought of it myself and I'm a sufferer of severe depression and I I think yours is shit and in all onesty if your married to him and want out of it then by all means do what my father did to me get the keys late at night and get your son and go somwhere plenty of towns have a center for mothers coming out of a drug/abusive relations that help them start anew its sad that he doesn't love you and is just in it for the kid but think on it would you want your kid growin up with a father that's an ass or a mother that loves him and hope he understannds one day good luck and god bless.

By anonymous at 13,Mar,11 01:44

Hey that is what you get for having a kid at a young age in a Small Town USA. Why have a kid so young when you are broke it makes know sense? So you have 3 options 1 you can kill yourself, 2 you can submit and get a job in Walmart or McDonalds and be a slave to the system or 3 you can make a power move and leave that sucker town and get some big money!

By anonymous at 21,Mar,11 15:03

Ok, so she gets it that a kid at a young age was not the best idea but you cant go back and change that. Get out your phone book or get on the computer and start looking for local help centers to get you on your feet. There are plenty of places that will help you with clothing, transportation, and other things to get you self might also be a help to getting you some decent clothes and might actually deliver them to you. I also had a son at 18 and have been where you are. I know what it feels like to lay next to a man who has no feelings for you and I have done it for 20 years now. I too am working to get out. My situation is a little different because my kids are older but you can do it. Good Luck.

By anonymous at 22,May,11 14:10

yeahhh, now you think your life have not known mine...I hate my father. He has mistreat physically and morally me and my mom for the last 21 years, and just now, when i see that there could be a solution, (my mom and him had a big discussion) my mom forgives him and everything is just "fine"... I would like my mom to be stronger and to be able to say no.

By anonymous at 09,Sep,11 17:25

Hey there, i have searchwd i am tired of living and got this result, after i have read it i see my life is quite good compared to u, which makes me really sad coz the feelings i have is tough, so i can imagine how u feel,

But there is something i once asked, why we are here, why we r living, and i thought countless of times if god can just undo me, u know, like i have never existed, but this posed this logical question, why did then god create me if i will ask him not to, u know?
Ayway, i came to this conclusion, if u fast forward and imagine u r in heaven, which is something so beautiful and good that u cant even
imagine, imagine then god offering to undo u, god can do that, what would that reply be? I think everyone will say, no way, please god leave me here, thank u very much for creating me.
Hence, god created us to put us in heaven, because god love us, we only need to find god, coz what god tells us to do, is ofcourse whats best for us.
I hope this will help u, coz no matter who u r, or what u r, u r in the eye of god, the most beautiful creation in the world.
By anonymous at 23,Sep,11 00:27

God doesn't care about us. If he did, he wouldn't let all the bad stuff happen in this world. I understand natural occurrences happening, but hunger, rape, prejudice, genocide, and greed? And you believe that many of us will go to heaven? With all of the crap we encounter in life,and what You have done in response to said bad life experiences, do still believe you will go to heaven? If you do believe that you will, WTF are you on this site?

By anonymous at 24,Oct,11 10:11

you are still young , and can do anything have you ever heard about needle and thread if you have lost weight and cant afford to buy new clothes sow them up to fit your body,and dress up the best way you can and go some where you dont have to go with any one , you dont need any one to be happy , i have gained weight since i had my kids and my husband is complaining how fat i am i cussed his ass out and show him that i am fat but i can still get any other man i want and i an 40 years old , find some thing to occupy your time and you wont have time to feel bad about anything ,if he dont want to lend you his car walk to where you want to go . why are you allowing some one to get to you like this?

By at 27,Oct,11 16:08

I would like to meet you.and help.where are you from?

By anonymous at 12,Apr,12 02:41

first pray to GOD to give you the strength to do better and show you the way.i first thought that you are a 40 years old lady with 5 kids and abusive man.....anyway so many of us are tired as well, when it comes to life for so many diff reasons,but again we are here.if you take your life you dont know where you are going cus you didnt let the nature take it course like nature brought you here, so if you buy ur ticket...well you might change your luck after just wait till nature it self take ur breath.....besides that just live your life as if it is your last not worry on the things that you cant change.and agin you are just 25 years old...very young...many hopes,like your son....try to go to school online or apply for free class/or aid from the gov to go to school while you are with him and he doesnt have to know since he works 6 days a week. take a short course aand get a job and once you are on your own life is diff and you will be able to love and be loved agin in the way you want.but take the chance and go to school while he is thinking that you are only a stay many will kill for your life where they dont ve to work n chill with they baby...n no bed drama....GOD your problems how big your GOD is,dont tell ur GOD how big your problem is....

By anonymous at 09,Jun,12 06:36

Wow people. And I thought I had it bad. You all made me feel good about myself. This actually made me laugh. Life is a bitch, but putting each other down just continues the anger cycle. I'm NOT religious, I don't believe in Tarot cards, however, I'm not judgemental towards others. What ever floats your boat. Try finding an avenue to vent your frustrations such as volunteering for someone who has it worse.

I never knew my father, my mother gave me up for adoption when I was 6 mths old. Lived w/grandparents - grandfather was an alcoholic and a child molester. But I have succeeded both professionally, have kept fit, and sane. How? By taking each day one day at a time. I won't be back to this site again. I was just trying to find a solution to my husband's anger towards others. And I see it's because he's feeling sorry for himself. Hmmmm, maybe I should send him to this site so he can feel better about himself.

By anonymous at 02,Oct,12 18:07

Fuck my LIFE!!!

By anonymous at 10,Oct,12 00:07

There must be a church somewhere around there. Go there and tell them your problem and see if they will help you. Tell them your husband tells you he doesn't love you and is kind of keeping your prisoner. They should help you. What about your parents? Where are they? Can't you talk to them or a sibling? You can also apply to social services online in your area. Get in touch with the local mental health people, you can find and do that online, too. Also, if you have any real gold jewelry or diamond jewelry or anything else that is fairly small and worth something, take it to the pawn shop or sell it on Ebay if you know how to do that and get what you can for it, but use the money to help yourself get out of there, don't blow it.

By anonymous at 20,Oct,12 05:09

There's all these suggestions to improve your life, but sometimes i think we just need a hug from someone who cares. Guess sometimes it's actually having that someone though :(

By anonymous at 12,Nov,12 09:33


By anonymous at 04,Dec,12 20:06

The orgional post is over 2 yrs old, i hope shes ok. she needs to give us an update.

By anonymous at 29,Jan,13 14:12

i can understand her point of view . Life is unfair because of greed so if your going to kill yourself
i suggest you take out one of the capitalist pigs that
has made this world so rotten and leave a note letting
people know why you did it it was a cry against

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