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Posted by smouldering at February 22, 2012
Tags: Attitude  2012 February  Sociopathy

i am a 21 year old first year medical student. i just passed the nursing licensure exam last july 2011. From pre-med, I had to go straight to med school before taking the nursing board exam... thankfully, i made it. Anyway, I really want to end my life right now. I know I am only first year, but I just feel that this calling is not for me. I have told my parents about my frustrations in Med school, because one of my main problems is fitting in with the crowd. I am a very shy person to the point that I'd rather be alone than be involved in an awkward conversation that's very uncomfortable. I don't have any classmate or groupmate that I consider a really close friend. I'm such a loser. I always sit in the back, with no one beside me. I am such a loser. Aside from that, I am very mentally challenged lately. I cannot focus whenever I study. I feel so dumb, that even if I have to repeat what I read for 5 times, it won't and can't stick to my brain. I feel so useless... I have a boyfriend. I think he is the only one that inspires me to go on with Med school, although I think that that reason is insufficient for me to stay. Bottom line is, my parents won't allow me to stop. My grades are super low, and it's not really affecting me that much, because I am not that interested in becoming a doctor. Why can't they fucking understand this shit! What kind of doctor would I become if I hate my job. I want to help people, but not as a doctor. I can barely pass first year, and fuck! they are just wasting their money!!!! I just want to fucking kill myself, so that they will see my point!!!! there are so many fucking ways to succeed without becoming a mother fucking physician. shit! anyway, i guess this is how i will be spending my entire life... trying to pass med school..i'm already 21. i wish i could just run away. i feel so trapped in this life. especially because i am an only child..........urgh!!!!! fucking bullshit! I want to earn big by using my pre-med course and applying for a job overseas... but as usual... PARENTS' pride. TSK! i'm so fed up with being a sour loser...


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By anonymous at 01,Mar,12 20:30

I wish I was in medical school right now, because that is what I have always thought of, but I think these medical schools will not see my true potential. You're lucky.

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