I'm kind of surprised that I'm writing this. I havn't been depressed enough to poor my heart out on some sorry-blog since I was 16 years old.
I'm not going to complain too much about my life. There's nothing terribly wrong with my life. I'm pretty sure it's all just me. I have a boyfriend, and i've had this boyfriend for 3 years. I have two close friends, about 3 or 4 friendly acquittance's, and a tight-knit family. Those are all the people in my life.
About 2 months ago I started getting really depressed. I would suffer anxiety attacks at night, and feel that my life was inadequate. I'm bored. I don't think my 2 close friends are very good friends for me. They seem to care more about money making schemes than hanging out. I have a feeling they'd see me out if they could. I love my boyfriend dearly, but i'm scared that spending my life with him would hold me back from experiencing other sensations. I feel like other people in their 20's are going out and partying every night, and most of the time I sit in my room and wait for something to happen.
I remember going through a similar phase when I was 16. I got so scared about not having any friends and being weird and not fitting in. It took about 6 months for me to learn not to give a shit and learn to be my own best friend. As soon as I did that everything fell into place. I suppose you can't go on not giving a shit for very long, though.
I wish I didn't feel so lonely. I wish I had the kind of friends that really cared. I wish I had friends that would wake me up at 3am to go and drink beer by the train tracks. I wish I could live like some college movie. MY 21st birthday is coming up in a month, and i'm running away simply because I don't think I could possibly get more than 6 or 7 people (4 are my family) to come to my birthday party. I don't think it'd my life that's the problem. I think it's me. I've got to learn how to not give a shit once more. I'm just waiting for something to happen.