After reading some of the horrible stories on this site, in comparison my life isn't that sucky, but it can get a bit frustrating sometimes and what adds to the frustration is that it is my fault and yet I don't do anything to make my life better.
I'm 25, single and always have been. I can count the number of guys on one hand who have liked me but it's never gone into "couple" territory. So I'm a 25 year old virgin. My only close friend says it's better than being a 40 year old virgin and that I shouldn't worry about it, sometimes sex isn't all what people make it out to be, some people remain virgins throughout their lives etc etc (no offense to anyone who may be a lot older than me and a virgin - I am sorry. I am not trying to offend you, I'm just frustrated because I feel like I'm being left behind, basically). Everyone else has all these experiences and I don't. I feel like a loser. I feel like I have nothing really to offer anyone and even if I did meet someone they'd get sick of me. If I ended up married I'm going to end up divorced. I'm not pretty enough and I'm not interesting really. I'm tubby too and can't even get committed to losing weight. I'm not sociable particularly and I've always been a bit weird, never quite being like everyone else. I don't know why sometimes my only friend still hangs out with me but she is kind and understanding. She has said in the past I act a bit babyish sometimes (and I do - I'm worlds apart from her. She is the same age as me but is beautiful, talented, has had boyfriends and now has a two year old and is always setting goals and achieving them whereas there's stuff i want to do but I'm either too scared or procrastinate - nothing gets done!) but she is still there for me. She has her own friends though too. I have no others. I am lucky to have met her. I always have found it a little difficult making friends but during my school years I always had them. There were definitely people that didn't like me though and didn't mind showing it. It was easy for them though because I was quiet and didn't fight back often - and if I did, sometimes I'd be the one that would end up in trouble with the teacher somehow! It was more after high school had finished I lost them through my own doing. I've always had a bit of trouble with anxiety (although my family, particularly my father has struggled to understand this and prefers to laugh at me) but it really came about in my last year of high school and I'm not sure why. This venting is getting long so I'll cut the story short and say that my friends starting to like parties and going to bars and I completely withdrew from them. For some reason, it scared me and I don't know why. I've always been a bit jealous of my two friends from back then being closer to each other than with me and the way I acted didn't help that(not hanging out with them) but I think through my jealousy and insecurity I further withdrew. They contact me on Facebook and I've tried to talk about it with one of them but she has none of it. She just changes the subject. So I've successfully created a legacy for myself of being a complete weirdo and not exactly being people's favourite person. Because of how I acted I also alienated classmates who saw me go home from parties early etc and not want to socialise so they soon cut ties with me too.
Making friends at work didn't work out. People there my age socialise but I don't feel like I can get involved now. If there is someone I wouldn't mind socialising with, there's always someone else they're friends with that I don't particularly like. An ex friend who then spent a couple of years beong smart to me at every opportunity tried to extend an olive branch but I don't trust her and because I've seen her nasty side more than a few times and have been there and done that with her I'm not willing to go there again.
My close friend is a christian which although I have tried that, religion is not for me. She hangs out with other church friends. I guess I could try to hang out too but I feel its awkward because they're quite into their religion and I'm not religious really. She also hasn't excatly invited me to hang with them and I feel like if I asked her I'm the desperate person looking to poach her friends off her - well not quite like that but still the desperate loner girl trying to make new friends. I also still get quite nervous sometimes about going out at night and partying for some reason so that also separates me from people.
I'd love to have a boyfriend and friends. I feel like such a loser. I get frustrated because being a weird, lonered 25 year old virgin who procratinates over every little thing is not what I wanted my life to be like.
I know my vent is nothing compared to what other people go through, I guess I just wanted to hold a pity party. | |
With the awkwardness it sucks i personally have an instant opinion of people, but you really do have to try and have to put the effort in trying to get along with people, i guess that's how most people start this friend business,with some people it's easy and some it's not! I could guess that inb lacking in experiences in speaking, you alienate people, so you just have to try and talk but instead of hiding when you make a faux pas, just pick yourself and try again, eventually you'll be far more comfortable around people
Also when your out partying,if you feel comfortable with a guy after a fair few drinks, have you ever fought of saying "your a virgin", A guy will find it far more horny to sleep with a virgin than a girl ever will, trust me.
Hope this helps
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